Return to Sender

[Gud4Ewe]

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

“’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—

Only this and nothing more.”

It is easy to forget you are sick in the rare flashes of wellness this condition provides. Those moments of ability, leave you feeling like there is a hole in your story. Perhaps it IS all in my head if I can have times like this... Then, it happens. That twitch... that growing sensation... the pain... and you are reduced to a pile again, begging for another day of relief. It is a roller coaster that I never remember willingly riding, yet I can't seem to get off of it.

Yesterday, I began CBT. She obviously wants to spend more time with me, to get to know my life, and what this condition means for me, personally. She saw past everything that I have been begging people to look around for years. I know this will not be a cure for me, but if she can help me control my triggers, I consider it a small consolation.

We are all waiting for answers that could be years away. That is the reality of FND. I plan to spend my time in Hypnotherapy, sensory deprivation therapy (Float tanks), and CBT. I will spend more time with my soul and just work on making peace inside of me, as it is the only thing I truly control anymore.

How will you spend your wait?