Fight it

[Falcon12]

Hi guys. I have just had prostate cancer. And fortunately they removed it early. 3+4 Gleeson. But the erection problem sucks. Wife does not seem to understand any of this. Can't seem to win and it really effects marriage

[ctarleton]

You and your wife might find some good resources for learning and understanding by browsing a few pages of the results of a Google search for "sexual intimacy prostate cancer". Sites, videos, books, etc.

For more technical details, many of the videos from John Mulhall, MD at MSKCC are excellent.

Google or YouTube search "john mulhall prostate" and you will find some. The longer ones are more comprehensive.

(Also, in my experience with women, it is not so much about how much they understand what I would want them to understand, but how much I am able to listen to them with an open heart and mind, and to understand them, as a person. Similarly, the concept of "winning" in intimate relationships has never worked well for me, either .... mutual loving and supporting has worked out much better in the long run. Easier to say than to do, of course, sometimes.)

Charles

[Falcon12 in reply to ctarleton]

Thanks Charles. I will definitely look at this. The biggest issue I'm going through is she thinks I don't find her attractive anymore but it's the fact the prostate was removed. I know she understands but it still hurts her

[Hidden in reply to Falcon12]

hi, don't know where you live, but there is lots of help you can get in the UK. If you can get the same wherever you are, which you should be able to that would really help. The first thing it would seem is necessary in your case is psychosexual counselling, for both you and your wife together. Don't struggle on your own. I realise it's difficult to talk about these things for some people, but it really helps. The longer you put this off, the worse your psycholgical state will be and that;s a vicious spiral downwards

Secondly, if you haven;t already done so, you need to do something about the erectile dysfunction. Did you have a "nerve sparing" prostatectomy? Hopefully bilateral? If yes, then you have a better chance of recovering some spontaneous erectile function. If not, sorry, chances are very poor.

Also the longer you put off doing something about the erectile dysfunction (ED) the less likely you will recover This is because, in the absence of erections, the blood vessels and the spongy tissue in your penis which are essential for an erection deteriorate. If you had nerve sparing surgery, you should have started on PDE5 inhibitors more or less as soon as your catheter was removed. e.g. sildenafil (Viagra). The best on appears to be Daily low dose Cialis (tadalafil). You take this every day, not just when you want intercourse, because men usually have erections every day, which helps preserve the function. Men normally have erections ALWAYS when they dream and often just when waking up. If you have primarily physiological ED then this doesn't happen. Men who have primarily psychological ED still have erections when sleeping. There will be a psychological element to your ED, so again, get to see a psychosexual counsellor.

Next, get a vacuum pump, use it daily. This will help your blood vessels recover. It can be used to induce an erection for having intercourse, but you should still use it daily anyway. Use both tablets and pump! Don't buy one lof the cheap pumps you see advertised for making your penis bigger. You need a proper medical device, in the UK these cost about £160, but you can get them on prescription.

If you didn't have nerve sparing surgery these two might not work, but there are pellets and injections you can get. The pellets are inserted in your urethra when you want intercourse and the injection, it sounds awful, go into your penis. But they do work.

Next thing - - persist - - - don't give up!!! It might tale up to 2 years to recover spontaneous erections (without any aids). They will never be as good as before but they will be adequate.

I was lucky, I asked for the nerve sparing surgery. I took the tablets and used the pump and saw a psychosexual counsellor and now enjoy the benefits.

The main thing for you however is to get your wife on board. Get the information the other guys suggest for her, but DO see a counsellor, i.e. a qualified professional dedicated PSYCHOSEXUAL counsellor. Not someone who does it as part of another job. Even if your ED doesn't recover then this will help your wife and yourself to find ways of having a satisfactory sex life.

Good luck.

[Stemcfc in reply to Hidden]

Injections into the peanus work but are very painfull your either very sore whilst having sex or have an erection virtually all night make the enjoyment factor zero abd end up with bad hadaches all night.ive stopped taking the injections and carried on taking cialis daily and im nowing waking up with an erection had robotic surgery prostate removal november 2015 my brother 2 years ilder than me age 50 now has now just had his removed t3a

[Hidden in reply to Stemcfc]

Do you mean penis? I see what you're saying about the disadvantages of injections, I was hoping to reassure Falcon12 that there are solutions to what' he's experiencing. Perhaps your negative response might not be that helpful. I haven't personally taken the injections myself. I guess it's a last resort which I haven't needed. If the daily Cialis works for you then I wonder why you took the injections?

[Stemcfc in reply to Hidden]

Ive carried on taking the ciallis daily tried the injections as erection wasnt strong enough i think its more a mix of taking cialis over long period of time hope that helps sorry for my bad spelling.

[Stemcfc]

Wasnt being negative merely telling how injections disagreed with me.