The aches knocked on my door and I let them in
And started a battle that I'm not sure I'll win
The pain flares so much that I eat pills like sweets
The result is more brain fog and being wobbly on feet
I can't sleep without pills cos my brain got all fried
From the years of insomnia and the writing I tried
It's been so many years enduring the pain
I still worked as a PA, full-time but insane
My boss used to work me for hours at a time
With no coffee or respite like a bad pantomime
After 30 long years of holding the fort
And a five stone in weightloss, I am sad to report
That my body called time on this madness of mine
I came to a standstill, enforced rest was divine
I slept and I rested and watched some tv
I saw lots of medics who reported on me
They said that I'd blown it and done far too much
And that working in future was well out of touch
The pills have increased since that one fateful day
I've been prodded about in undignified ways
My blood isn't good enough to donate anymore
My body is clumsy and housework's a chore
I pace it and do it but it takes days on end
Must keep active, slowly, but black moods descend
I fight with my demons when anxiety's rife
I fall into drinking, this is no kind of life
But I sleep now at night with more drugs than are wise
Kiss goodbye to my mornings with befuddled bug-eyes
I start with a good lunch to offset my hunger
Then do something good so I don't slip on under
A touch of light reading or sorting my plants
Some time in the fresh air on chores or on wants
Tackling all things, I realise, is impossible now
I list the priorities and decide when and how
My partner's a sweetheart and we laugh at my trials
I know he's The One and we'll walk down the aisle
A life less than ordinary is what I've achieved
No children to love but lots of memories I'll leave
My cats are my joy and my wishes are few
Some holidays and laughter with my spirits renewed
A body without pain so I can walk where I want
A wonderful sex life where I blissfully pant
A meal with some friends where we talk on for hours
It seems that my mouth is endowed with more powers
Than my body is now; the pain's there, the tiredness,
The aches and the tremors, and always the sadness
The wishing for life as able-bodied and sound
Not thinking of how, just enjoying the round
This life did not turn out as I'd hoped years ago
It remains to be seen what else it can throw
I'll try not to falter and will put up with pain
In hopes of a drug that will give me full reign
Of my body as I get out there and simply play
And live my own life in my own damned way!