Life As I Know It

[Sammicat15]

The aches knocked on my door and I let them in

And started a battle that I'm not sure I'll win

The pain flares so much that I eat pills like sweets

The result is more brain fog and being wobbly on feet

I can't sleep without pills cos my brain got all fried

From the years of insomnia and the writing I tried

It's been so many years enduring the pain

I still worked as a PA, full-time but insane

My boss used to work me for hours at a time

With no coffee or respite like a bad pantomime

After 30 long years of holding the fort

And a five stone in weightloss, I am sad to report

That my body called time on this madness of mine

I came to a standstill, enforced rest was divine

I slept and I rested and watched some tv

I saw lots of medics who reported on me

They said that I'd blown it and done far too much

And that working in future was well out of touch

The pills have increased since that one fateful day

I've been prodded about in undignified ways

My blood isn't good enough to donate anymore

My body is clumsy and housework's a chore

I pace it and do it but it takes days on end

Must keep active, slowly, but black moods descend

I fight with my demons when anxiety's rife

I fall into drinking, this is no kind of life

But I sleep now at night with more drugs than are wise

Kiss goodbye to my mornings with befuddled bug-eyes

I start with a good lunch to offset my hunger

Then do something good so I don't slip on under

A touch of light reading or sorting my plants

Some time in the fresh air on chores or on wants

Tackling all things, I realise, is impossible now

I list the priorities and decide when and how

My partner's a sweetheart and we laugh at my trials

I know he's The One and we'll walk down the aisle

A life less than ordinary is what I've achieved

No children to love but lots of memories I'll leave

My cats are my joy and my wishes are few

Some holidays and laughter with my spirits renewed

A body without pain so I can walk where I want

A wonderful sex life where I blissfully pant

A meal with some friends where we talk on for hours

It seems that my mouth is endowed with more powers

Than my body is now; the pain's there, the tiredness,

The aches and the tremors, and always the sadness

The wishing for life as able-bodied and sound

Not thinking of how, just enjoying the round

This life did not turn out as I'd hoped years ago

It remains to be seen what else it can throw

I'll try not to falter and will put up with pain

In hopes of a drug that will give me full reign

Of my body as I get out there and simply play

And live my own life in my own damned way!

[Hidden]

It so sad that we lose so much, but Im hoping to find what ive gained and use it to help others

[Sammicat15 in reply to Hidden]

that's a lovely sentiment x

[sue247]

Wow that just about sums it up, I think you have missed your vocation why not take up writing a new you is just around the corner..hugs sue xx

[Sammicat15 in reply to sue247]

lol Sue, I've written stuff all my life on and off, limericks and poems mainly written as drunken ramblings, now festering away in a box in the loft somwhere. Indeed, a mutual love of words is what brought my beloved to my door.

The past 3 years have been taken up with publishing erotic fiction, on t'internet, based on the Twilight saga. Am still gathering fans for stories started ages ago! Sadly I don't have an original fiction done yet, but one day...

[scrumie]

Hi that was brill and spot on. well done, just printed it off. soft hugs xx

[Sammicat15 in reply to scrumie]

thank you, Scrumie - that was a wonderful compliment xx

[Sammicat15]

yep, bring it on, I say!

[lynnh]

love it x

[Sammicat15 in reply to lynnh]

thank you!