Infertility counselling

Hi ladies

My husband and I are due to start our first IVF cycle in January (all being well, my blood pressure can be a problem which they're monitoring so fingers crossed, that is the only barrier to starting now after a long frustrating wait)

I wondered how beneficial others found counselling sessions whilst going through this process? I do think I need someone to talk to, I've already been very emotional before even starting it's just not something I've done for any reason before and I'm a teeny bit sceptical I guess because it doesn't change anything of course.

I also wondered if any ladies attended counselling without their partners? My husband is very happy to join me and very supportive but he just doesn't seem to be struggling as much as I am and perhaps doesn't need it quite so much, I just don't know if we should definitely attend together. Any advice would be much appreciated x

12 Replies

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  • Hello

    I think infertility can hit women harder and can be more difficult for us to deal with. I once read a quotation from a man who said that he "wanted" to have a baby while his wife "needed" to have a baby. That definitely summed things up for my hubby and I.

    Anyway, I went for counselling alone last year. I wasn't sure how it was going to help either but I was an emotional wreck at the time and I needed to do something! It did make a big difference though. It gave me a chance to work through and process all of my feelings. Afterwards, I felt calmer and more relaxed which I think really helped me cope with the IVF. I'm not saying it was a magic cure. Not being able to conceive was still painful but I was able to cope with the pain better and I definitely cried a lot less! I had a great counsellor and I think who you see and your connection with them makes a difference too so don't be afraid to change if the first person you see isn't helping.

    Good luck! x

  • Hi there

    Thanks so much for your reply, it's really very useful. It's good to hear it can be beneficial even to go alone and crying less would definitely be good!

    I too often feel like an emotional wreck and that's before even starting, just the pain of needing to go down this route and the obstacles we've had to overcome to even get to this point. I never thought I would end up like this so I'm open to anything that helps.

    Like you say I need to do something, the rest of the IVF process just makes you feel completely helpless doesn't it 😔

    That quote is very true, my husband very much wants it but he's very positive and is of the opinion that as long as we have each other we will be happy and cope with anything. While I agree and am certainly grateful for having that, right now I can't look beyond it not working and what we will do from there.

    Anyway, thanks for listening and your advice. I hope things are ok for you and you get your dream (if you haven't already)

    Xx

  • It is incredibly painful and unless you've been through it its difficult to understand. I bought my hubby a good book called "What he can expect when she's not expecting" or something along those lines. It's written by a man about the journey he and his wife had. I just ordered it on Amazon. It really helped my hubby support me better which in turn made us stronger and more of a team.

    After 2.5 years we had a successful round of IVF. It's hard to keep believing it will happen and I couldn't imagine it working for us but it did and our baby is due in 2016.

    Take care of yourself x

  • Oh that's fantastic congratulations, I love hearing about others success, it gives me hope. Thanks v.much for the book tip & I hope everything goes really well for you xx

  • Hi Georgina78, yes I'd recommend counselling if you're feeling at the stage where you need to reach out. Actually talking to a stranger can be better as you can say what you like guilt free! I've just finished a round of 5/6 sessions and would second what hopeful1982 said. It lets you process & acknowledge the pain and try to think differently. I was a mess and something had to give! Good luck with everything and I hope you feel better xx

  • Hello

    Sorry for the delay but thank you for your response. Happy new year!

    I have actually booked my first counselling session for next week, I figured I had nothing to lose. I am going alone to this one but I'll see how it goes and take it from there.

    Best wishes x

  • I hope it helps Georgina xx

  • Thank you xx

  • I would always suggest go together even if one partner doesn't need it so much . It can be an emotional roller coaster of a time.. And we need each other to get through it all .. And your husband may be trying to put on a brave face for you to try and reduce stress on you.. But deep down he may be just as nervous / worried / anxious and panicking .. X

  • Hello, I am going alone to the first one as my husband is away for work anyway but I will talk to the counsellor about it, and to my husband and take it from there after this first session. My husband is very positive and level headed/calm but you're right he might be struggling without wanting me to see that. I will see how it goes, thank you x

  • Your welcome xx

  • Hi, Georgina!

    I'm fully for attending together. I remember myself. What could I have done alone without my husband's helping hand?!! Probably you do want to save some of your partner's nerves, but that won't do. You must have your half or another close person to talk to and discuss all the points from your appointments. I was so embarrassed during our first ones that couldn't make head or tail of the whole process! How ridiculous it was for my husband had to tell everything at least two times more!!!

    So, feel free too ask your partner come with you every time.

    I'm extremely happy for you have started your ivf journey. I wonder wether this is DE ivf or without using donor's eggs? What diagnosis made you start the procedure?

    For our couple that was fallopian tubes blockage plus eggs of a low quality..no male fertility issues. We went through DE ivf in biotexcom, Ukraine, and are happy to bring up a wonderful 8 mo boy now.

    Wish you all the best in the world Xx

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