I'm new to this and thought I'd introduce myself. I'm almost 33 and my husband is 31. We have been trying for a baby for about 2.5 years and first consulted our GP after a year of trying without success. We were referred to a fertility clinic back in January (NHS) but have been told the waiting list is currently a year, so we're looking at January 2025 before we even get to speak to a specialist about our options.
Unfortunately, my husbands sperm analysis showed low motility, so we think we're likely to need IVF.
What has really struck us is how little emotional support is available. We asked our GP for a referral for counselling and were told that there isn't anything available specifically for infertility related mental health issues, and that we should consider arranging this privately 🤯. Has anyone else found any useful resources for this sort of thing?
Thanks!
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Passthewhispergold
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Hello! I am in similar boat to you - just turned 33 and husband has low motility. We did a private round last year which failed (no embryos). We were waiting for NHS referral in the background and are finally going to be doing another round soon. It has been 14 months since I went to the GP initially but I have had periodic appointments at the fertility clinic for tests etc so it has at least felt like it is moving along. I completely understand how frustrating the waiting is.
My employer luckily offers remote GP/counselling, so I’m sorry I don't have any further info regarding resources to help with that.
What helped me get through the months and months of waiting was to book holidays and have something to look forward to but totally appreciate not everyone is able to do that. Winter was particularly tough but when the mornings became lighter it was easier.
Mr Jonathan Ramsey is a urologist and specialises in male fertility. He's helped improve my husband sperm quality, we're now due to start ivf and hopefully will have success.
We had to do IVF/ICSI due to male factor infertility. From my experience you get very little support on the NHS. We were lucky in that our clinic had a really lovely counsellor who we could speak to but not every clinic has this. The wait time to get treatment on the NHS (which was 10 months for us) and then the wait between transfers (which for us was 5 months) ontop of how difficult it was to speak to a consultant (we had to wait on average 6-8 weeks to actually see a consultant after putting in a request) were driving factors for us eventually opting for private treatment. It's sad but more people are actually choosing to go private than to go through the NHS due to the lack of support. I don't blame the NHS at all as they have very little capacity, but it is challenging for patients as inferility is emotionally and mentally draining. When I went private my consultant, who was brilliant, gave me his private number. He was only a text or phone call away, even on weekends. If I had any questions he would get back to me the same day. It was a totally different experience and I felt a lot more in control as I could pick when I wanted to start treatment.
Sorry if this isn't really helpful. When you're going through fertility problems you already feel a lack of control which I think is made a lot worse when there isn't adequate support in place. I'm sure many women on this forum can relate to what you've said. Good luck! X
Take a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org for support and information on fertility issues Main page click menu then select "Access to Support " to find Regional Support Groups near you This will give you the chance to talk to others who are also trying to conceive
Oh so sorry to hear that you’re dealing with this at your age. Trying month after month with no success takes such a toll on your mental health and removes all joy out of the process too, it’s not an easy time. And it’s unfair that you have to wait for a year just to speak to someone!
Do you have other options around you by any chance? I’m asking because I’m in London and I chose not to go to the clinic nearest to me, but one further afield and it turned out that they keep separate waiting lists for different boroughs. There was no waiting for people from my borough. So you could try that too potentially? Though you’re already halfway through the wait for your current clinic.
You could also pay for a private consultation with a fertility doctor, it’s just £2-300 and you can get an idea for what sort of situation you’re in and point you towards further investigations you could do.
On counselling, I wanted to mention that when you do start with an IVF clinic, it’s an HFEA requirement to offer counselling to patients, so at least then it will be free and relevant to that stage. Until then, you just need to find the right places online and there are lots of pockets, from Fertility Network to mumsnet forum threads on infertility, full of people going through what you two are going through. Emma the embryologist has also listed recently a set of great resources on instagram, for both women, men or fertility therapy services - instagram.com/p/C7j4NXEtkT_... And there’s lots of podcasts too, for both women and men.
I hope that they will get to you much sooner than January, buy waiting time can also be used productively if you focus on improving your health, both of you. Many couples go into IUI’s or IVF thinking that it’s a sure thing (myself included) and unfortunately it isn’t. You massively maximise your chances by taking a good prenatal supplement (especially your husband should take something like Proceive Max, Proxeed or Impryl), cutting out alcohol, smoking and processed foods, going on a Mediterranean diet, working out, losing weight, maybe probiotics for female health and so on. It takes about 3 months for eggs and sperm to generate so you’ll probably start seeing the effects towards the end of the year, in time for starting something with the clinic.
And finally, it would be a good idea to ask your husband to see a fertility urologist (important to be specialised in fertility) to understand why his sperm parameters are so low for his age. There are a lot of missed varicoceles out there that IVF clinics will never find because they tend to focus on women only, or basic test results.
The very best luck to you. I hope that you find the support that you need, and that once you see the clinic in Jan, things will move much faster. Xx
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Joined the waiting list 
Donor Egg Waiting List
NHS waiting lists are a joke! 
Viability scan - in total limbo
