In limbo : So we were hoping to receive... - Fertility Network UK

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In limbo

Drives
Drives

So we were hoping to receive our NHS referal on 30 July.....

Hubby had been so strong and smoke free for 6 months now but unfortunately didn't manage to get his BMI to the required level. He's over 6ft, has a physical job and therefore has quite a lot of muscle. Our clinic have been amazing and will refer us as soon as he hits BMI of 29.4 - it's only a stone but my god it feels like it's going to take forever!!

I'm finding it difficult not to constantly question/scrutinise what he's eating or drinking. I know this isn't helpful but I just want to get started with our treatment. It's been over a year since we started having tests and can't believe how much this journey has taken over my life!

Any tips from people in similar situations?

14 Replies

My cycle has been put back twice, we were originally hoping for July and then September but now it's going to be October at the earliest - the constant moving goal posts have been difficult for me as I have generalized anxiety disorder.

I'd really advocate counselling, if your clinic provides it, as good mental health is something you can work on that will help when your treatment starts. Just keep taking the right vitamins, having a good diet and exercising- all the stuff you're probably already doing- and try to see the extra time as extra prep that will give you a great foundation when you finally start (that's what my counsellor advised). Some of the supplements take months to take effect so you're just getting into tip-top shape X

Drives
Drives in reply to LegoBatgirl

Thanks for taking the time to share. Really hope you manage to start your cycle in Oct 🤞

Will definitely take on board your advice about preparing our bodies for what's to come. That's good to keep in mind 😉 x x

LegoBatgirl
LegoBatgirl in reply to Drives

The set backs do seem to have helped me in some ways as I definitely feel more ready now; physically and emotionally. I hope it has a silver lining for you too x

Drives
Drives in reply to LegoBatgirl

Thank you 😘

It’s interesting your husband needs to be a certain weight, it was only me they were interested in for my NHS treatment 🤔 I hate the BMI scale, muscle weighs more than fat (not that I had that excuse 😂) Mind you for a bloke it’s easier to lose a stone than a female, I have faith your husband will do it, especially as you have a goal, however it may be a case of being patient and also trying not to nag and trusting he wants the same too and will therefore work at it. Perhaps you could suggest he weighs himself once a week and let’s you know about progress so therefore you know when to expect an update and can see progress weekly? Not sure I’ve been much help I’m afraid but I wish you both all the best x

Drives
Drives in reply to Lovefood1984

What a great idea! Definitely going to speak to him about a weekly weigh in. I know I'm annoying (I am annoying myself worrying about it all) but still can't help myself scrutinizing everything he eats and drinks 🙈 this suggestion might help. Thank you x

Drives
Drives in reply to Drives

I took your advice and got the best text this morning (I was away with work). Hubby had lost another pound and he's finally got past the 18 stone point! This had been a bit of a sticking point having shed the first half stone. Super proud 😍

Hidden
Hidden

I would second counselling- if really helped keep me calmer through my IVF journey.

Re weight loss- is it something you could do together? Eg just eating healthier and smaller portion sizes? I lost weight last year and my husband was supportive and we ate the same things - although sometimes he would have rice and I would have a salad accompaniment. We had mini-magnums or mini brownies but switched to fruit and yoghurt as a dessert. My fitness pal is helpful to track calories. There might be some quick calorie cutters in your husband’s diet that might help- eg milky coffees/smoothies or soft drinks. It’s hard not to nag but he must be feeling a bit responsible for the delay and if he feels bad, it won’t help with the weight loss. Ask him how you can support him xx good luck

Drives
Drives in reply to Hidden

Thanks for taking the time to reply. You're totally right that he feels responsible for the delay and the fact that we are on this journey in the first place. I know I need to back off 🙈 to be fair I eat quite healthy anyway and like to think I'm a good influence 🤣 however an app could be a good idea for some quick wins or better visability of calorie content. Thank you x

Hidden
Hidden

Bmi is the biggest lot of rubbish. My husband is 6ft and he would look ridiculous with a bmi of under 30 because he is quite broad. Be careful losing weigh too fast. I lost weight for ivf and it actually has had a negative affect messing with my hormones. Xxx

Drives
Drives in reply to Hidden

Thanks for the heads up. Our consultant told me not presurise hubby and we've got loads of time.... So hard though when you're desperate to get going 😢

DianeArnold
DianeArnoldAdministrator

Hi Drives. This BMI business is never easy. He is obviously eating a sensible diet, so perhaps he could afford to go to the gym and speak to a fitness adviser that could work a diet and fitness plan just for him?? Worth finding out if you already haven't done so. Good luck! Diane

Drives
Drives in reply to DianeArnold

Thanks Diane. Funnily enough he is a qualified fitness instructor so knows what he needs to do to help weight loss. He just finds it a bit difficult when he's got such a physical job during the day. I'm going to encourage him to get out on his bike though this weekend as know he enjoys that 😉

DianeArnold
DianeArnoldAdministrator in reply to Drives

Hi Drives. Good thinking. He will get there I’m sure with your encouragement. Diane

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