Should I be as worried as I am before my 6th transfer?

[CyclingAddict]

I was feeling quite optimistic - I have 7 genetically 'normal' embryos in the freezer - but now I'm feeling super anxious.

Previously I had 4 failed transfers with good quality blastocysts. I then changed clinics and they ran the EMMA, ALICE and ERA tests, and based the timing of the transfer off that data, and they also discovered I have an auto-immune condition, which they treated with steroids. They used an average quality embryo for my fifth transfer and I finally got pregnant but sadly had an early miscarriage.

I've since been through another egg collection (19 mature eggs collected, 11 blastocysts, and 7 genetically 'normal' embryos). I did feel more optimistic, what with added PGTA-testing and the number of embryos we have in the freezer, but now I'm feeling super nervous. I honestly feel like I have a bit of PTSD from the failed transfers and miscarriage and my brain has gone into overdrive. Now I've started my tablets in preparation for another transfer and I'm having a lot of anxiety and am struggling to sleep/experiencing night terrors.

I know I should be optimistic but it's difficult

Any words of advice/support would be welcome.

[CreateIVF]

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. It’s just so blooming tough, I’ve found going to counselling has REALLY helped me. If you aren’t already then maybe take a look at whether it would work for you. Xx

[DianeArnold]

Hi CyclingAddict. Could try drinking extra water as that was a large egg collection. Also do you need a short course of steroids for your immune system? Just my thoughts. Hope everything soon settles down. Good. Diane

[leo1980]

oh hun. What a journey - no wonder you are stressed out/anxious. Honestly, just trust the process now. You have 7 go’s. One of those will stick. Be positive and strong - because you are really are. Keep busy, be healthy and do something/create something that you have something to show for each of those cycles… I am not crazy about Yoga but I like having my diary booked with things to do! During my TWW we booked comes one evening, comedy club, museums, life drawing class! Just did loads to pass the time and not Google. You got this! Baby dust!

[Systema23]

hi CyclingAddict

So the last year has been a bit of a journey for me and I got very low, to such a degree that, although not confirmed yet, the term complex PTSD has been mentioned.

Throughout both the preparation for and the actual last cycle I kept telling myself it wasn’t gonna work. It’s almost as if it’s a way of protecting ourselves from the grief and heartache that we expect to come.

Long story short, I really took the time to practice self love, to focus on myself. I only had one embryo and PGTA tested that, and I was shocked when it came back ‘normal’.

Went for the transfer, and again, expected it to fail. I am 9w 2d pregnant today, and had my first scan on 3rd January. I saw a strong heartbeat but still expect something to go wrong 🤷‍♀️. I suspect I will feel this way until either my baby is in my arms or something does go wrong.

I would echo one of the last points about counselling. I also suggest you try journaling and meditation before bed. I took time to have nice relaxing baths and lots of exercise and good food. My main focus was keeping my cortisol levels down and since I didn’t expect it to work I started enjoying myself again.

What you’re feeling is an entirely normal response to a traumatic event. Please don’t beat yourself up about it too much.

Take the positives from it (and believe me I know how hard that is). You have 7 opportunities to be a mummy waiting for you.

Good Luck xxx

[Natasha2012]

I second the counselling . Offloading to a stranger was invaluable for me . I have only had one failed transfer and already feel slightly like you so what you are feeling is entirely normal . It’s self protection. 7 in the freezer is amazing . Allow yourself to feel hope , everything will work out ❤️ xxxx

[Eloquentia]

Very best of luck with the transfer! Fertility reflexology really helped me relax and feel better in myself before my last FET. I hope this one is your lucky one!