I don't know whether to try again quickly (42 and running out of time) or if I should get myself in a better headspace first?

[Dogbiscuits28]

I am very confused, and my clinic just said it is up to me to decide.

I turned 42 in July when I started my first IVF cycle as a single woman. Since then I have had 3 failed cycles as well as a hysteroscopy. I have just about enough money for one more try, but I am worried if I try again straight away I will have the same result, and then no more tries. However, I am really worried if I wait the harder it will be to ever have any success, given my age.

The clinic said my eggs are okay for my age, but implantation is just not happening.

What is better - giving myself some emotional breathing space and time, or trying again before my eggs are totally kaput?

[Emjaak]

Hi dogsbiscuit, sorry thats such a tough place to be in. I’m 42 next month and on the third cycle, and this time embryo has implanted - still very early days. This round I’m on prednisone and clexane, as a test showed I had thyroid antibodies and this could affect implantation , the drugs are meant to help with this . We’ll never know if this made the difference but have you had any further tests done like this? Wish you all the best

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Emjaak]

I haven't had extra tests yet. I did find out my prolactin was high and have been on medication to reduce it. I was on clexane last round, but when they did the egg collection this time I had a massive bleed so off blood thinners atm. I think perhaps I need to change clinics?

[Football61]

Hi, sorry to hear about your failed cycles. Do you mind me asking if you sent your embryos for PGT-A testing? x

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Football61]

Hi, I have only had 3-day transfers, and only two eggs that made it that far, so no chance for PGT-A testing.

[Football61 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

I’m 44 and single, and had two failed IVF cycles this year using my own eggs. I still have lots of eggs - 16 in my first cycle, and 12 in the second. But I struggle to make blastocysts, and when I sent them off for PGT-A testing, they unfortunately all came back abnormal. My clinic in London doesn’t do Day 3 transfers, as they advised that if an embryo can’t make it to blastocyst on Day 5 or 6, it has an extremely low chance of working (I know other clinics disagree). I’m in the middle of a donor egg cycle now. Have you stuck with the same clinic for all your cycles? If you’re going to give it one more go, perhaps move to another clinic who will change things up a bit? Wishing you the very best of luck x

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Football61]

I am with a clinic in Bulgaria, and they advised at my age it is better to transfer at day 3 than waiting to day 5, but I definitely think this is a Bulgarian practice. I was with one clinic for my first round, but had empty follicle syndrome. I moved to another clinic for the last two and the doctor is lovely - I can message anytime and he is very supportive. However I feel like it might be worth moving to a clinic in Greece or Cyprus. I went to Bulgaira as I have contacts there, but a clinic that does more investigations would be helpful. It is so hard to know who yo trust though!

[Eggfreezer2015]

Hi I know this is a tough journey, is there any chance of you doing an egg collection and making embryos to freeze? This way you can take some time out afterwards to get in a better head space and transfer at that time. Xx

[Christianbaby]

Hi! I think getting a breather would be good. Doesn't have to be a long time off as the clock is ticking. But it's always best to start or restart cycles when you have a well-conditioned mind and body. I went through failed cycles too and I went through them quickly and the emotions took a toll on me. I took a break between my last failed attempt and then when I restarted my journey, we found success. Hope it all goes well for you. xx

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Christianbaby]

That is really good to hear! It has been a difficult summer, and my work/life has also been incredibly stressful so hasn't helped. I am so aware of my age I wanted to push through, but the failed rounds plus everything else is just too much.

[Christianbaby in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

If it's any consolation to you, let me tell you I'm 41 now and I have 3 embryos sitting on ice at our clinic in Cyprus. My brain, my conscience, every inch of my being is telling me to use those embryos and I'm 41! lol. Husband and I decided to go again next year for another cycle. I can't push back the feeling that maybe we were meant to have a second baby. So, just like you, I am somehow racing against time.

I hope you've decided to take a break? It'll be so good for you. x

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Christianbaby]

I have decided to take a break. It was partly that I teach and didn't have any in person teaching from now to Christmas that was also pushing me forward, as I could be away for longer with less of an issue. I won't have this kind of break again until easter, but I think perhaps I need to prioritise me and worry about work later. If I need to be away then I will have to be away! I can't afford treatment in the UK, so will have that debate with my boss when it comes to it.

[Christianbaby in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

Good decision! Yes you are always the priority over anything else! Good luck. Love and light. xx

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Christianbaby]

BTW, would you recommend your Cyrpus clinic? Would you be able to DM me the details?

[Christianbaby in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

Yes, glad to recommend them. I'll pm you! x

[leo1980]

Hello! IVF is brutal. The toll it takes on your mental and physical strength is like emotional tough mudder. I am about the same age as you. Egg reserve is okish but that’s referring to the number that’s there we just don’t know the quality. Do try fertilise normally etc. I know someone has asked already when I did my collection at 40. 12 eggs, 10 fertilised. Only 2 PGT normal and it still didn’t work. I don’t think having a month off or two will make a huge difference to your reserve. I am currently in the TWW (day 4) I know this didn’t work (I am a loon, I just know) feel strong enough to run a marathon..I have one more Normal embryo left so will head off skiing at Christmas and give it a go. My hope over the holidays is to test the waters to see if hubby would consider a donor egg. That might be my only chance taking into consideration I have Never been pregnant etc. don’t be too hard on yourself. I really doubt the journey gets easier but a month off or two to feel better isn’t a bad idea.

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to leo1980]

Sending you best wishes for your tww! Although I know what you mean about "knowing" whether it has happened or not. The first time I definitely felt like it took for a few days, then life got super stressful and I could feel it slipping away. This last time I had such a big bleed on egg collection, then had to fly home right after the transfer. I had a bruise on my hand from where they took bloods that went from nearly healed to back to being like it was fresh again, so I dread to think what my insides were like.

[leo1980 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

Thank you. So traumatic for you. am sure I would feel something or know. I am so used to being disappointed I don’t even bother to test ahead or symptom spot. I will just take the meds even though I know it didn’twork and go and take the test on test day. They say the best things in life happen whilst you are making plans. The best thing about IVF is that I found other stuff (I love And fills the emotional gap) so my plan is to push through with those and do my last cycle in Jan with my last pgt normal embryo (this pgt thing is a guarantee either) . I am pretty booked for the rest of next year already 😮 so going to focus on that and take the next cycle in the same spirit as I do now. Don’t be hard on yourself on either front, the job (take the next one as long as you have a good quality of life ) or IVF (your baby will come)you just need to work the best way to get to that point. For us I think donor is best for us but husband is 45 - male factor morphology issues, drinks like a fish and will go nuts at me when I suggest we go that route but if he really wants to be parent that’s our only option. Or Adoption. I am like a lion stalking my prey. Going to drop the bombshell once we get the results from this cycle.

Did you do all the other tests? Just cause we are the same age I did a host of things not that it’s made a difference to the result but I did the level one and two tests, Chicago I think they call it. Thyroid, immune tests, era and Emma and Alice. Many tests but essentially the treatment is the same maybe do collection and do tests then transfer once you have a full picture. It’s both time consuming and expensive. I am sending you a virtual cuddle. 🥰

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to leo1980]

I need to figure out the tests - I am going to explore alternative clinics and see what they suggest. My current clinic haven't suggested further tests, they just say my uterus is good my eggs are just old

[Twiglet2]

I’m going to be 42 in a few months and I have good AMH/reserves but my egg quality as defo declined rapidly (made 6 day 5 embryos in 2017 made 1 on my last cycle) and I keep having chemicals and just had a missed misscariage at 8 weeks. I know the quality will only decline but I ve decided to take until about February off to enjoy Christmas etc. (I had a misscariage a few days before Christmas last year too so I really feel I just want to not think of IVF this year)

it’s a very short break but enough time to gather myself without damaging my chances too much. I will still arrange everything for the cycle (payments, making sure all my tests are up to date) and our clinic has a Christmas shut down anyway so means I won’t get involved in the mad rush for those spaces. Just my approach in case it helps your thought process 🤗 it’s a really personal decision so no right or wrong answer xx

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you. I feel like with work/life all being so up in the air some time to get myself sorted might be the best thing. Just feel pretty devasted all round. I turned down the perfect job in June because I was hoping this would work and wanted to be closer to my family. Now I have a job I really dislike that only goes to August, and keep getting rejections for everything else I am applying for. On top of the failed ivf and being solo through the whole thing it is just too much.

[Twiglet2 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

Oh gosh I’m so sorry to hear about your work and how you’re feeling 😢 that does sound like a good idea to have a short break and focus on the other things for a bit and prioritise those as I can’t tackle everything at once as sometimes IVF takes over! Do your family that are nearby know about you trying? Hopefully it’s good having them nearby just now too 💜 xx

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Twiglet2]

I have struggled with my family. As I am single they haven't been super supportive. When the first time didn't work they just assumed that meant I wasn't having children. I think I need the break, I don't normally spill everything on my posts so obviously it is just tipping me over the edge right now!

[Twiglet2 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

Aww that’s shame they have let society ‘norms’ get in the way of supporting you and being a part of it all! I haven’t told anyone at all this time around and it is kind of difficult not having support from family (especially when I miscarried) but I actually prefer talking to strangers who aren’t invested or have any bias if I’m honest so please feel free to chat here if it helps you 🤗 I’m happy to listen xx

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you so much. I am so glad I found this site as I don't know how I would get through it without somewhere to go with all my panics. It is difficult feeling so isolated while chasing a dream that seems further and further out of reach. The stress has made me isolate myself even more, as I know I just can't do the polite chit chat at the moment. Even going to work is a struggle - especially because I was offered a great job back in June that I turned down because everyone told me I wouldn't cope with moving, but now I have a job I hate and am isolated anyway. Is your partner supportive? I cam imagine miscarriage after finally getting a bfp is devastating. Xxxx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

I was the same debated a job move but luckily I went for it as it took another year before we finally got pregnant and here we are again, 2 into years trying for a sibling and since the recent miscarriage I’ve decided to prioritise my job again too! Yeah she is fairly supportive but I don’t think anyone really ‘gets it’ unless they have been through it and after 6 years of being a hormonal alien I think patience as worn thin with me 🤣🤪 we are going on holiday next week so hopefully that will give us a nice break with Christmas too, to think of anything but IVF for a wee while. Have you decided on whether or not to take a break? Xx

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Twiglet2]

I am taking a break, but am anxious about finding a new job and how I am going to manage to be in a good place for trying again. Also if I haven't moved jobs how I will get the time off - I teach at a uni and getting time off when I have seminars is impossible. I really wish I had gone for the job back in June. I am kicking myself everyday about it - I feel like I took the wrong path and now I am at a dead end. I know it is crazy but I feel like not taking the job has also meant the ivf hasn't worked, which may be true in part because it made me so stressed out. I do have to find something else though as my current contract is only to August, and I am also living on a 3-day week salary which doesn't help with saving for the ivf rounds.

A holiday sounds wonderful - getting some winter sunshine? Xxx

[LouCollier]

Hi

Sorry you are going through this, I went through IVF in early 40s too. If I was you I would go to egg collection and then not tranfer and try to have more tests around why implantation is not working. at least that way you already have the embryos as good as they can be but it gives you some more time to investigate. It could be NK cells or timing etc xx

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to LouCollier]

I think I need to change clinics. So far I have only had one round where I got more than one egg - 6 eggs, 4 mature, 3 fertilised, only 1 made it to a 3-day transfer. I don't know if I would even get eggs for freezing, and my Dr said he was worried about them surving being frozen and fresh transfer would be best?

[Cridog]

Hi Dogbiscuits28, I'm really sorry your IVF hasn't been successful, and I relate so much with you. I'm also 42 and started the IVF shortly after my birthday. I only went for the fresh transfer so far, we had 2 embryos, so we have one left. I decided to wait until I am in a better place, emotionally, for the FET - the first one felt devastating. The doctor suggested to do the transfer immediately after the failed attempt, without any further investigations, but I felt I couldn't do it. His suggestion came from a good place, being worried about my age, but I felt it was so unsymptathetic given the ordeal I went through.

Hope you can find the strength to go through and decide what you feel is the best for you. And wish your try is successful!!!

Big hugs!

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Cridog]

I really hope your second embryo works! And you have a good break to be in the best place when you go for it. Sending you lots of positive vibes 🤗 And fingers crossed after a break I will be in a better position for some success too!

[Tir-26]

It’s very tough 💔 I’m at a crosswords too. My situation is a little different to yours but all similar, age is worrying! Would you consider freezing your eggs and transfer at a later date? This might help with ur age worries but offers you time to do some tests around implantation, further investigations? Get Christmas out of the way, speak to a few clinics during the break, ask them about your likelihood of success.

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Tir-26]

I think speaking to some clinics is a good plan. I haven't had any eggs to freeze so far, so don't know if this is even possible. The time pressure is crazy!

[Axel131]

Hi Dogbiscuits, I'm also a solo mum and have just completed my final IVF cycle at 45 and got the best result out of 7 cycles. I took 4 months to really focus on getting myself in good health as it takes the eggs that long to mature. I also got pregnant at 43 but sadly he passed due to a random genetic condition I have but he was perfectly healthy otherwise. I would really recommend not rushing into another one because I think your instincts are right, if you haven't changed anything, the results will be the same. This age pressure can really push people into doing cycles before they feel ready but if it's your last cycle, know that you've done everything you can to make it work. Best of luck to you.

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Axel131]

Thank you so much. Your post has really helped. I am going to investigate different clinics and see what the suggestions are. I am keeping my fingers crossed your cycle has been successful!!!! 🤗🤗🤗

[Axel131 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

Thanks so much, it's good to hear the good news stories too so you know it is possible!