😢 update after the faint lines, 7 weeks and an empty gestational sac 😢 feeling lost

[Kitkat10]

hi all,

Thank you for all the support after I worried about faint lines on the test strips. The FRER came back on day 13 stronger than the control line and for a brief few days I felt positive. But there was always a lingering feeling of doubt and today at my 7 week scan this was confirmed. Anembryonic pregnancy, gestational sac but no embryo 😢

I’m 42, I have one more ‘already paid for’ egg collection which will be my 5th. I’m very very lucky to have a little boy from EC 3 and surprisingly from my 4th EC I had 3 embryos but none of them were successful, so I feel lost.

Do I give up with my OE? My little boy is donor sperm conceived so I would need double donor but I do still have sperm left from the original donor.

I just feel like I can’t give up until I give him a sibling and as you all know, this process is brutal. I feel drained, does anyone have experience of DE after OE in a similar situation?

Only myself to blame as I left it until I was 38 years old to realise I wanted children so I guess at this stage I should just accept the outcome, just doesn’t get easier 😢 thank you for reading x

[Eliebeach22]

hi Kitkat10, I sadly don’t have any experience to share with you as we are only due to start our first round in July. But I read your post and just wanted to send love and hope to you. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best x

[Kitkat10 in reply to Eliebeach22]

thank you Eliebeach22 , good luck for July, don’t be put off by posts like mine, many people have success on their first cycle so sending all the luck your way 🍀🍀 xx

[Eliebeach22 in reply to Kitkat10]

that’s so kind of you, thank you. Thinking of you and hope life gets a little easier soon for you. I can hear how tough it’s been, just wish this journey was easier for us all. Take care of yourself x

[McQueeny]

I’m so sorry, that’s truly heart breaking…. 😢

Only you know if you have the mental energy for another own egg round. The benefit is that with DE you do have more time, biologically speaking - so the delay maybe isn’t too much of a concern…. More a question of how you feel.

We have a son from EC no. 2, we then had 2 ECs to have a sibling an no joy - I was ready to move to donor eggs (I’m 40yo), just didn’t have the mental energy for any more heart ache. Then moved to a different clinic, they advised to try one last time with OE and test the embryos (which we never did before) - they also offer slightly different sperm selection techniques - then if it doesn’t work move to DE. I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant… (early days 🤞).

It’s really about what feels right to you. Don’t blame yourself or beat yourself up, you’ve done nothing wrong - life takes a different path for each of us, I also could have started sooner but it didn’t work out that way 🤷🏼‍♀️

💪🤞💫

[Kitkat10 in reply to McQueeny]

thank you McQueeny and congratulations! I think I’ll try one more time and at the same time organise and find out my local options for DE.

I tried so hard to be positive but I had a niggling feeling something wasn’t to be and now I’m blaming myself for being negative and influencing the outcome 🙄🙄

[McQueeny in reply to Kitkat10]

Please don’t blame yourself. Nothing you did has influenced the outcome… it’s just horrible luck.

Good luck for next time 🤞💫 and thank you so much x

[Positive20]

Kitkat please don’t put blame on yourself over your age or only deciding to have children later. Hindsight is an easy thing to have and blaming/regret is so wasteful. At the end of the day the age you decided to have children was the right one for you.

I started trying for children at 31…..throw in infertility, needing IVF, COVID shutting the hospitals down and then everything being much slower afterwards and then multiple transfers during COVID outbreaks and lockdown…..fast forward to 37 and I’m finally pregnant with my first.

I look back and yes, I would have liked to have had children naturally at 31 but I didn’t have the luxury of choice or my body giving me them without help.

Most of all I’m just blessed to be in the position I am now and I have some horrible experiences/memories of IVF and disappointments but they have made me such a stronger person and I see the good in the experience so I make it a positive one.

Only you can decide what to do over OE or DE, each would be a right decision for you to do and it’s very personal. Good luck xx

[Kitkat10]

thank you Positive20 and congratulations 💕 I hope everything is going smoothly. You’ve been through a lot, you must be very strong, I’m so glad you have success now 🥰 x

As Tina Turner said ‘it’s not what happens to you it’s how you deal with it’ so I guess I’ll push on and hope for the best. Thank you for your kind words x

[Positive20 in reply to Kitkat10]

Thanks KitKat - it’s been a rollercoaster of me feeling strong through certain parts and exceptionally weak! I really hope you get your success too. Whether you have treatment with OE or DE just remember it’s 100% yours - your body grows and makes both and feeds that little embryo for 9 months. Just do the right thing for you. Keeping everything crossed xx

[C-a-t-m-u-m]

I’m so sorry to read about your journey, I’m also trying for a sibling I feel like the pressure is even worse than before! It’s heart breaking to think we can’t give him a sibling.

In terms of your 7 week scan ect and loss the same thing happened to me in March. It does get easier with time. I ended up being signed of sick by a Dr. My little boy kept me smiling 😊 go easy on yourself.

I also had a feeling something just wasn’t right, I’m so lucky to have a little boy from the original first fresh round.

Sending a hug ❤️❤️

[Kitkat10]

thank you C-a-t-m-u-m , I realise it’s more common than I think to have sad news at the 7 week scan. My lines on the test strips were never as dark as with my son and despite the same symptoms, I just had it stuck in my head about an empty sac and couldn’t shift that doubt. Thank you for your kind words, it’s helped me feel less alone 💕

[C-a-t-m-u-m in reply to Kitkat10]

You are definitely not alone, I feel like now a positive pregnancy test means nothing to me now. I was so very blessed to have my beautiful son from my first ever round and first fresh cycle. Number 2 is proving more difficult but then I’m nearly 3 years older. Wishing you happiness ❤️

[Ace1991]

hi and sorry to hear this news. I’ve had a similar situation at 1 year older than you. I have two children with OE and a few years later wanted a third. We tried twice with OE and then opted for DO as just didn’t want to wait any longer. We love this baby the same and he has been the best addition to our family. You will know when the time is right to change direction. I just didn’t have the time / money to keep trying with OE and was ready to move to DO. Good luck 🤞

[Kitkat10 in reply to Ace1991]

thank you Ace1991 , I feel very lucky to have my son but when I think that it took 6 transfers to have 1 baby, I haven’t got the money or the mental energy to find another 6 of my own blastocysts I don’t think. I desperately wanted to have full genetic siblings but I can’t be expecting such things at my age. I’ve been researching DE options and I’m so encouraged to hear your story, thank you x

[Kismet_x]

I had a similar feeling when I had my child through ivf. I had her age 38 and I wanted to give her a sibling.. Because of my age I wanted to do it ASAP rather than wait the few years. Then I started having a few health issues and started thinking my health has to come first but when I had my child it's because I wanted a child. When I wanted to give her a sibling in one way that was putting a responsibility on that 2nd child and I realised I should only want that second child for the same reasons I have the first. The reason being the sibling may not be the child you hoped for your existing child. It's just a thought to think about that's all, wish you all the best x

[Eggfreezer2015]

Sending hugs 💜