Hey! I’m new to this forum and am really just looking for people that can relate or have any words of encouragement. I’ve just had a BFN from my third transfer and I feel devastated but also completely empty. First ER only got one blast which ended in CP. Since then I had another freeze all cycle where we got 4 blasts. Gone through 2 of them now and honestly I feel completely numb to the whole process, like it’s drained any sort of optimism I ever had. I also feel like a complete failure, what is wrong with my eggs or my body that it has rejected all of these embryos! Every BFN just cements in my mind that ‘it will never happen for me’ and maybe I should just give up. With Christmas coming very soon and knowing I’ll be around lots of family babies, I’m dreading it.
I feel so dramatic saying that, but I’m hoping some can relate!
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Phoenix_91
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I was in this exact position last Christmas. Got my third BFN just a few days before Christmas Day, and I’ll be honest it wasn’t easy putting on a smile for the family over the festive break. I cried a lot, and couldn’t shift the “this is never going to happen” feeling.
But if it gives you any hope our 4th transfer was successful and I’m 29 weeks pregnant. We decided to pay for some private investigations - hysteroscopy and natural killer cell biopsy. The NK cell levels were raised so I was put on steroids and the consultant added extra progesterone. None of these add ons have much evidence but I know lots of ladies on here who have had success so it might be worth considering. Good luck if/when you decide to try again! There is definitely hope xxx
congratulations to you on your pregnancy! Can I ask how you feel during? I worry that if/when the time comes I will feel in a constant state of anxiety! Thanks for your kind words, I think we’ve decided to do some tests that you mentioned before transferring any more! X
The first trimester I was an anxious mess but it’s definitely got easy as we’ve got various milestones. I’d say I’ve even managed to enjoy it of late!x
Ask consultant if there are any tests etc he thinks could maybe benefit you Also take a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org there is a webinar you might find helpful" Christmas when your trying to conceive "
Hi love, so sorry to hear this, it's so horrible going through multiple BFNs. I had my 4th transfer fail this week (double embryo transfer this time) so know how you must be feeling. I had top quality blastocysts and am young (30), but obviously that's not enough to guarantee success. I have asked for some further investigations but the doctors still think it's just "bad luck". Further tests are probably still worth doing for peace of mind though. Sending lots of hugs your way xxx
I’m so sorry to hear that! I’m only 31 so the drs keep telling me how young I am and how ‘we’ve got time’ but it doesn’t feel that way does it! I think my egg quality isn’t the best I got all grade B/C. We were discussing the potential of genetic testing but it’s so expensive and we don’t like the idea of messing with the embryos! So think we will just stick to some tests for me to see if there’s anything stopping implantation! Also thinking of doing a double for our last two frozen embryos! Sending all good wishes your way, hopefully our luck changes in 2023!! X
I was advised a double to improve chances and would agree that's worth doing for you after some tests, as it's so exhausting going through repeated failed transfers. We are hoping to PGT-A test any embryos we get from the next egg collection. Yes hopefully we will both have some good luck in 2023! 🤞🤞🤞 Xxx
Hi Phoenix, I can completely relate. Got my BFN this morning with our first round of IVF. Only managed to get 1 embryo fertilised from the 3 eggs I had taken. I'm 40 and my husband is 48 so we're doubting it will ever happen for us as we were NHS patients and its doubtful I would want to pay such prices for potentially similar outcomes to go private. We're yet to have our concluding consultation with our clinic so who knows.
We desperately want to grow our family so we have been also looking into adoption... we'll see. I hope you start to feel better about things soon.
I’m so sorry to hear that! It’s so devestating when you put so much effort into something, mentally and physically and it doesn’t amount to anything! Especially something that a lot of people take for granted. Do you only get one round on the NHS or do you have the possibility of more? Hope things go well for you!
Thank you. Yeah just one round in my county if you are 40 years old. If you managed to get more than one embryo successfully fertilized and you’re over 40, you can also have one extra transfer. I don’t have that options so only the one round for me.
I’m so sorry to hear that and I can completely understand especially at this time of year, be selfish be as festive as you want and go to as many things as you feel you can handle if it will help you (one year I only went to the grown up stuff or later in the day to the events where kids would be so I would miss them. Got moaned at by my mum (who didn’t know we were trying) but I didn’t care I had to be selfish! I explained years later when it worked and she understood.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you haven’t failed, you have tried so hard so far despite so much heartache and you should be so proud of yourself! embryo number 4 was our lucky one and even then that’s still fairly quickly when Ive spoken to others who have been through IVF. So sometimes it just takes a little patience and some more tests to tweak the conditions. The good news is the first one did implant but there was likely something not quite right with the embryo (very common for everyone and doesn’t mean there will be anything wrong with future ones) so you are halfway there with what works as your body can get pregnant you just need to find the ‘one’ and you still have 2 ready to go 🤗💜 I know none of that will help right this minute though but it will in a few days/weeks I promise ❤️🩹 wishing you all the luck in the world for your 2 little Frosties and a calm and peaceful Christmas 🌺✨ xx
1) you are not a failure a process has failed not you ! 2) you are not being dramatic its a loss you are grieving 3) this is a safe space where alot of people feel similar. I hope you are able to find a way to enjoy christmas even it just sitting in your pants eating chocolate. I have really struggled with christmas this year and thats ok its just one christmas thats not that great . If you need a chat feel free to DM me and be kind to yourself if you can xx
..it’s normal not to have a successful transfer further beyond the third ….please be kind to yourself …this is totally normal ..it’s just not the correct time now ….rarely ivf works from the first time ..I think it’s a good idea to do the genetic testing ..the whole idea of the test to have better chances …sending you positive thoughts and love
Hi, I also had a 3rd BFN from IVF a couple of weeks ago. Unexplained infertility - everything seems to be working great... I decided to have a laparoscopy at the beg of Jan so they can take all the samples for biopsy and look if we missed anything. After that, I'll be doing one more egg collection and no more budget for us. So sometimes I wonder if we'll just stay childless - but I try to appreciate that at least I have my baby niece and baby nephew who I can spoil, and be the best auntie.
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