Feeling down about negative

[petal989]

Had my first IUI cycle 12 days ago and tried really hard not to get my hopes up about it but alas, I guess I had let myself believe this was it.

I know I should have waited a bit longer to test but ended up testing today and it was negative. I know we can try again but as this is the first one I feel like the hope I had that it might work has gone? Maybe that's silly.

To make things worse I promised my partner I wouldn't test until 2 weeks was up, so I'm dealing with this all alone. I just feel so horrible and don't know what to do with myself.

[BettyBe]

Sorry to hear that petal989, you must be gutted. Please don’t feel that you’re alone as we’ve all been there and understand the disappointment you’re feeling. Nothing anyone can say can make you feel better but please kind to yourself. Can you tell your husband you tested early, so you’re not going through this alone? He will guess something is wrong by your mood possibly? You need comfort, support and a hug during this time. Sending you lots of healing and a virtual hug my lovely xx

[Twiglet2]

I have absolutely been there both in the negative IUI after so much hope for the first one and the testing without my wife and not wanting to tell her so trying to deal with it alone. My advice would be to tell him/her, you can’t ‘promise’ anything to anyone on this journey you need to do things that will work for you as you go along so do t beat yourself up! Defo share the result and talk it through it is horrible to feel like you are disappointing them but also you both need each others support. My wife wasn’t annoyed at me for testing but was sad I didn’t tell her as it made her feel left out of the process so the sooner you tell the better in my experience. Sending you a big hug and take care of yourself as the next few days will suck 😢 but you will start to feel better and stronger xx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi petal. Sorry to hear that this cycle has been negative. However, it can take a few goes at IUI before success, so fingers crossed. Kepp busy afterwards, then hopefully you won't feel pressured into testing early. Good luck! Diane

[petal989]

I really appreciate the replies it does make me feel better to know I am not alone in this. I think I will talk to my wife tomorrow (I'm worried I will cry haha so putting it off). Yes the next few days are going to be pretty rubbish. I have taken the day off work as I have a virus and feel too down to do anything (I know this screams privilege - feel very lucky to have a job where this is ok!!).

I have always known IUI chances are low, but I think now I've started and it has gone badly I've convinced myself it will never work! Obviously that's a bit mental but this sort of stuff just makes you a bit irrational, doesn't it?

[Skittles11 in reply to petal989]

It can make things feel dismal when the cycle fails but I do think it is important to manage our own expectations. We all want and hope to have first time success but this really is quite rare especially through IUI. I really hope that doesn't come across as harsh as I just mean to say that the sadness and disappointment will always be there but if we go into it thinking "right this is most likely to work after a number of cycles" we may be less broken when it doesn't work. I guess going through several failed cycles I've probably become a bit hardened to it. Give yourself some time to process and then think about what's next for you both x