Halloween Baby Blues 👻

[VMJ007]

Pity post: Today is my 5th failed Cycle. I’m drowning my sorrows on lychee 🍸 martini’s as my husband is out front giving Halloween 🎃 candy to the neighbour kids. The sad irony of infertility… when you have no children but so much to give. To all of my fellow fertility sisters, this is hard.

[RDT144]

I’m sorry to hear that.. I know how you feel, sometimes I feel like I’ll explode with all the love I have contained within myself which I want to give to a child.

I hope your martini is doing it’s job!

[Shirazlover2013]

Hi VMJ, I’m a fellow Aussie albeit living overseas, I’d make you some lamingtons and drop them round but I do like your lychee martini idea! How are you doing 2 days on? Reading back through your profile you’ve done a lot in a short amount of time, what a trooper 👏🏻 Your hubby is strong too giving out the sweets and putting on a brave face to the world. Look after each other, such a shitty time post failed cycle, definitely time for some self care and kindness to oneself. And later on time to regroup, whether it be to go again, take a break, get another opinion, more testing etc. I’ve done 6 failed cycles over the last 3yrs, 4 were within 12mths and that felt like a lot to me so hats off to you going back to back! Once you’re in the zone though you have the energy and will power to do anything 💪 Each cycle I’ve changed something with the hope that tweak would change the outcome. And I’ve changed clinics a few times, had consultations with doctors who specialised in different fields and tested a LOAD of things. Maybe it’s just my way of trying to take back some element of control in a situation I can’t just ‘work hard’ to achieve in. Xx

[VMJ007 in reply to Shirazlover2013]

Fabulous! Fellow Aussie, so nice to meet you. Your journey is incredible, and your strength of character, I admire greatly. I think doing IVF in quick succession has been a challenge - I'm 39 years old, which is why I literally feel the *tick tock*. If I was younger, I definitely would take it much slower! I'm so buggered at this stage, emotionally exhausted. Hubby is lovely, I wish this was easier. My period is so annoying as well, sometimes heavy, sometimes light.

Interestingly, I went to the Clinic to get my Day 1 bloods (I'm thinking of starting Cycle 6) and they called today. The nurse said ' 'it might NOT be your period.... there's traces of the pregnancy hormone'. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't believe her. I know my period. Anyway, so now I'm stuck in this limbo - knowing I'm not pregnant - but my body is being mischievous - so I need to wait until Friday. I prefer my disappointment served hard and fast. This "maybe" doesn't sit well. I know it's my period, and now another disappointment because she's given me this 10% of hope that I refuse to hold onto.

Anyway, so it's a tough week. I'd love to learn more about your decision to change clinics, and what prompted you to make the decision.