Relationship, sex and IVF

[Lilly12255]

Question on Relationship and sex during IVF: my treatment has been a struggle and my husband has zero libido (so he says) since we started IVF. As a result, we don’t have any intercourse. I cannot even remember if we had any sex this year at all. I am wondering whether I am the only one and what to do. I am worried we will end up breaking up and our relationship has been ruined by Ivf. Do you have any advice?

[Fudge1980]

Your not the only one trust me. The ttc even before ivf is stressful and sex becomes just trying for a baby. So the enjoyment and spontaneous side of it goes. I’ve struggled since our last ivf I have no libido at all it just brings back painful memories. Ivf is so hard on a relationship and you do have to work at it. We have different emotions as male and females towards the process. I remember coming out of fertility tests and my other half saying “least we know I am ok” omg I could of drop kicked him lol. Yet some couples it makes them incredibly stronger. I have so much guilt that it’s down to me why we can’t conceive. We’ve really struggled as a couple since we started but here we are still praying for that miracle! A relationship isn’t always a bed of roses and roses need S£&T to grow right? I will be following your post for advice too 🥴. Your not alone 💕

[Boo718]

You are definately not alone …. Honestly can’t remember the last time: it just takes the spark away. We are hoping to go away for a few days no ivf talk just the two of us. A nice meal and a wee glass of wine xxx in the run up to ivf I’m just all nervous… on the pill (so it’s deemed pointless). Then during ivf … arsed. Then for a while after ivf I feel like a whale bruised and bloated then … the circle starts again xxx

[Hidden]

Like the others have said be reassured it’s not just you! We had a great sex life and we’ll were very frequent in terms of you know what.. but these days after six years TTC once a week is lucky and only ‘cos we should’

I’m hoping we will get it back now we aren’t TTC and actually finally it’s because we want to!! But both got a bit lazy in the meantime! xx

[Marisa32]

Yup, join the club. I think the last time I had sex was 2 years ago. Not sure if it's the stress of ttc, IVF or something else. Both of us have 0 libido and I guess it's part of being married. The spark just goes away after a while. The only reason I managed to finally get this baby was because I had the bright idea of using an at home IUI kit instead of sex. Once IVF was off the table, I ran out of options.

[Ivfgotadream]

Pretty normal - we went from several times in a month when TTC to several times a year if lucky once tubes removed and sex became nothing to do with making a baby and only for enjoyment. When pregnant with the twins didn’t have sex at all - I joke we didn’t even have sex to conceive them (they were a FET). Post birth in last 9 months think it’s been twice. 😬

[Belangalo]

My beloved and I found TTC stressful but our sex life picked up when I fell pregnant. It was no longer about TTC but about enjoying each other. Then he died...when our connection was closest and everything was so happy for us.

Relationships can break up during IVF. But if you both make an effort to focus on loving each other and being grateful for what you have together rather than focusing on what you don't have you will ride out the storm a lot stronger. At least this is what hubby and I were doing. We used to joke we could take on the world after all the adversity we'd been through as a couple. If both people are determined to love each other and choose each other each day...then IVF will not break you. Xxx

[Pittapatta]

Hi Lilly12255, my question to you is what did you do before starting to have baby? Think back to before you both started this roller-coaster. I am sure there were many awesome happy times, that's why your both still together, you both love each other especially going through this process together. I mean no offence at all if I have said the wrong thing so very sorry, this journey is so horrible!! I had to do this with my hubby, yes I am still trying to have a baby, yes I am scared, emotional and even angry at times but I love my hubby. In breaks between my ivf cycles I planned dates etc and didn't worry about conceiving just having a good time, sometimes we just cuddled as DH couldn't perform. That's OK!! What's so important is you love each other. Having a lovely evening together out or on the couch sometimes just is enough to get you both in the mood, if nothing else you've had a relaxing evening, especially after all the stress you've both been through. It's totally normal to have no libido!! It must be hard on the men 2, my hubby said masturbating every 2nd day is actually hard, not enjoyable, where is the love??? Anyway, my advice hang in there everybody goes through a dry spell it's normal. Goodluck!!