I do not agree with this surely if would be better to have children at s descent age when you maybe can afford them, in better circumstances, and achieved something
I do not agree with NHS capped at 40, in my experience older women are in a better emotional and physical shape.
A 28 old with two children already can get free treatment where as a 41 yrs old with none can not.
A person might not be ready until they older.
It’s because the chances of success drastically reduce over the age of 40 - if success rates for women under 35 are 30% it’s more like 2-3% by age 43 by which point there is just as much chance conceiving naturally as there is via IVF.
Also there is the argument that why should a taxpayer funded health service treat women who knowingly leave having children until they are over 40 when it’s been medically proven for decades now that fertility drastically decreases because they have prioritised other things. The NHS is there to treat medical disorders/illness if you like - ageing is a factor of life it’s not an illness and as women we should take responsibility for our own fertility.
I do think it should be taught in schools though - most sex education lessons put the fear of
God into young people that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy. But it should also teach about declining fertility rates in men and women
and that actually it can be bloody hard to get pregnant (and stay pregnant)
Not everyone chooses to wait, so what your saying is you should hunt down any random man at 39 just in case.
You have No choice, you can predict love, to make do with someone just because of your age. Madness, what about the child?
Poor men, no wonder they end up leaving
Can Not predict love
Of course not but lots of men and women also prioritise nights out / lie ins/ eating out/ travelling / careers / everything else etc over settling down and building a relationship and having children. You only have to read some of the threads on mumsnet. It’s actually pretty rare to leave having children till you are in your 40s because you were single from age 18. Most people leave it until that age because they simply want to.
The people I know who are currently in their 20s (whether they are in a relationship or not) when I ask say “oh I don’t want kids for at least another 10 years” - I warn them of possible repercussions of waiting until their mid to late 30s only to find out there is a problem but no one thinks it will actually happen to them. The indestructibly of youth I suppose
Hi there. I think this feels like quite an insensitive post. Many of us in this journey are struggling with “Have I left it too late?”. I am 38, met my husband at 35 and I certainly didn’t put off having children due to nights out and my career. I was exploring a solo parenthood journey before we met.
There are all sorts of reasons why some people don’t even get to try till later in life. Facts are facts, fertility declines with age. What we shouldn’t do is interpret what led to an individual not to get to this point earlier. You can’t possibly know the life another person has had.
We can all sit in judgement and criticise each other’s choices or we can lift one another up. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be kind.
My post certainly isn’t meant to be Insensitive and of course there are lots of reasons why people leave having children until later - my point is that is why the NHS has an age cut off because over 40 it’s less likely to be successful and also the reasons for not yet having conceived are less likely down to a medical issue (age aside) Don’t forget a lot of women over 40 generally only try 6 months before going for IVF when actually most will conceive in 2 years it’s just they would like the timeline speeded up because they are conscious of their age - lots of women can and do fall pregnant in their 40s naturally but it takes years and perhaps some losses to achieve x
Thanks so much for replying. I’m sure that wasn’t your intention, I know we all come to this forum for support. Just this sentence really hit a nerve with me: “Most people leave it until that age because they simply want to.” Of the three women I know doing IVF in their late 30s, all have complications - some have had cancer and in my case my husband’s health is the issue. Other people, also like me, just don’t meet someone till later in life. Wish you the best. x
I agree with lizzie it is insensitive the'right' man is not the first man you met
I really think you should reconsider your attitude about women who “wait” to have kids until they are older. I think you are wrong that most have willingly done this when they could have just settled down. And yes, I *was* actually single from 18 to 39, when I finally met my husband. I had dated and had tried and tried to find a good match. Being abandoned and abused by crappy parents as a child like I was doesn’t lend itself to knowing how to choose a proper mate and have healthy relationships. I fought with all I had first to heal myself, and then I finally did marry a great man. But yes - it took that long. I had one “first love” at 17 that ended traumatically, then my husband was my next serious relationship at 39.
So before you go judging why not spend a few minutes thinking that maybe some women have circumstances worse than you know that couldn’t do any better than they did. This world is cruel to women and sets many up for failure in relationships-
Either marry anyone just to mind that biological clock, or try to find a decent partner … and possibly have that take a while…
What a choice to make.
Well done, I think you did what was right for you
I didn't meet my husband until I was in my 30s, married at 33 and started trying for a baby at 34 and am now 37 and struggling to conceive naturally and my first IVF cycle just failed. Not everyone puts stuff off because they want a career or to party. Some of us just don't settle down with the first person they meet
Your right, of course not, are you going to try again, was this first cycle on the nhs? Are you trying these treatment packages I have heard about,
Hi. Yes. We have 2 NHS funded tries and then we may privately fund 1 more. This was my first cycle and I am devastated
Whilst agreeing and knowing the facts about successful rate of IVF over 35, there is a contradiction within the NHS itself. I’ve been under a fertility specialist since I was 33 and now being sent for IVF. During this time I was told by nurses etc that don’t worry I was young and due to my age it felt like my case wasn’t seen as urgent. My story is complicated as my husband and I separated just after I was 36 and we got back together a year later, but I it was only after I turned 36 did they say they would put me into the IVF programme. Where I live they find IVF up to the age of 39, which for me is next year March. I think this is a complicated societal issue which needs to be addressed.
What are they funding for? How many trys
They will find for the IVF or ICSI and you are allowed two tries.
They would not start treatment at 33?
They tried Clomid (9 rounds) and also kept referring me back to the endocrinologist. It’s in the past now and we are where we are. Unfortunately it’s not simple and really does depend where you are as to how get treated.
Most CCGs also don’t fund treatment for couples who already have children together either, regardless of age. Horrible as it is, it’s like ivfgotadream has mentioned, and chances of success (with OE) drop a lot after 40 hence why funding is limited. Don’t forgot lots of women in this country don’t get any funding no matter what their age because they simply live in the wrong postcode. Personally I think that’s even worse than not extending funding past 40!
I live in one of those areas and I was thinking the same thing! I was well under 40 when I started TTC, and no kids, but no NHS IVF for me. Some things like expensive niche drug availability vary a bit across CCGs, which I don't think is terribly fair, but it is madness that relatively basic procedures, whether it is IVF or medical liposuction etc, vary by postcode. We all pay income tax at the same rate... xx
We didn’t get NHS funding because my husband had a son who was in his 20’s - I’d never had children!
Lots of people commented on how is that fair - as more often then not it is a bigger deal for the female then the male.
I like everyone else at the age of 37/38 had paid more then my fair share in NI contributions and got nothing out when I asked for it which is a bitter pill to swallow, especially now £40,000 down and 13 weeks + 6 they can’t be too helpful
Reasons for people not being able to access IVF continue to baffle me, A really close friend of mine was told she will not be referred for IVF until she had suffered a third miscarriage and she was rapidly approaching forty 😡
We both give thanks that she fell pregnant again and is due next month. 🙏🏾🌈
The reality of fertility declining drastically when your are 40 years or older is sad but true and is used as the justification for exclusion for IVF funding.
However there are other exclusion criteria that also do not seem fair. If one ‘s partner has had children regardless of age, then ivf funding is denied. Also vasectomy is another reason for refusing funding. That being said, I don’t think women over 40 seeking IVF funding should be stigmatised or refused funding just because of their age. I would rather it was done on a case by case basis after an assessment of AMH levels, previous pregnancy and medical history.
As it has been previously said, not enough focus has been put on declining fertility as a major issue. Whilst lots of focus is put on family planning and many women spend a lot of time in their 20s and 30s preventing pregnancy. I don’t see anything wrong in prioritising a career. A lot of women I know after doing really well in their fields started having issues with their employer once they settled to have kids. There needs to be more progress made in this area to enable women not have to sacrifice one for another.
Furthermore I grew up within a culture where you are stigmatised for having a child out of wedlock. I married my husband at age 40 and he has children plus had a vasectomy so I had a double whammy of no to IVF funding. That did not stop me though and I feel lucky that my husband and I can “afford” IVF. This would not have been possible in my 20s and 30s.
To summarise, what I am trying to say is that this a complicated area and blanket exclusions are unhelpful. Also, more awareness is needed on the correlation between age and fertility as well as giving women better support to enable them not have to choose between a career or children.
I wish you well on your journey 🙏🏾
It’s a really difficult and emotional issue. I predict the future will be egg freezing in early 20s, and with the spiralling male fertility, ivf will probably be the norm for most people .
The success rate of IVF will make me still caution against it becoming a norm. 30% or so for younger women? When I first became aware of the facts and stats, I was depressed. I would personally avoid IVF if I had the choice.
In which other area of life would you shell out thousands of pounds with those odds 🤷🏾♀️
This is really worrying and I can see this trend too. I think a better way to do this is, to fight for a society, that is making having kids earlier without risking a career or dependency easier, and also educating men more about a realistic fertility window. This is all going a bit wrong currently and the pressure and sacrifices to make it all happen is mostly on women. Putting oneself through a really rough journey because there is not enough support, job security, perspective or the partner says he is not ready yet for years, or people not wanting to commit to relationships until really late. And all of this being socially accepted because "you can just freeze your eggs", is really not a good option. I don't want people to get used to that. And another problem is that people don't talk about fertility problems, so loads of people who have not TTC are not aware of the statistics. It is getting better with some public people speaking about this to raise awarenes, but really, the more support potential families get early on, the more likely they are to decide to TTC earlier and the less likely they have to go through several rounds and suffer through all of this. I don't talk about people that have found love later - this is really unpredictable. I am talking about a general shift towards waiting because people just don't know about TTC problems, and their options are limited by income, career progression etc.
I’m not quite sure career progression is part of it, employers cannot discriminate when it comes to promotions and pregnancy in any way, shape or form. I think it’s more likely to be financial security and where you live, before I even thought about ttc in my early 30’s, we owned a 1 bedroom flat, that was certainly not suitable to start having kids in, by 36/37 we were more financially secure and able to afford a bigger mortgage so bought a 3 bed with large garden - far more suitable for raising a family.
Yeah it depends. It would be legally super easy for my boss to get rid off me because I am in a job where everything is temporary contracts and he could just decide not yo extend. And getting back with a kid is unfortunately still more difficult for women after maternity leave. There is lots to be done!
I agree with Tigr, pregnancy discrimination still exists despite the law, it doesn't work in practice. It might not be as bad as in 1970s but still there. Also, people can have children and be happy in smaller properties e.g 2 bed house don't need large gardens and large houses, it's what you make of things in life.
For us, we were a top floor 1 bed flat - certainly not ideal for having children in. We needed to wait to afford to move hence the slight delay in starting
I understand your circumstance that having a 1 bed flat with child not ideal xx
Top floor tricky with pushchairs etc
But egg freezing does not work
It does work, just not to 100% as they make people believe. Dependent on age they will suggest a number of eggs to freeze for at least 1 child and this, if you are not under 30, easily equals 2-3 cycles and is not affordable for lots of under 30s anyways. There is of course no guaranteee though as you won't know how efficient those eggs make embryos with the sperm chosen until you try, which is usually later. It just sounds crazy to see this as a normalised option instead of making it easier to have kids earlier/support fertility problems earlier and make people aware of TTC not always being so easy.
I got 4 blastocysts from freezing my eggs before chemotherapy 
. As Tigr says though people overestimate how successful it is and multiple cycles give the best chance. At this point I will get 1 or 0 babies out of the 12 mature eggs I froze and I wish I had the time/money/knowledge to do multiple cycles when I had the chance!
Hiya, in my area it’s under 35 and there’s not much funding at all, you have to jump through hoops to get it and in some areas there is none. I’ve known women of all ages be refused for various reasons. I have a mate who was because she was too overweight (she was a size 14 so not even remotely big!!). So it really is unfair funding for everyone across the UK, age is just a tiny factor xxx
My area doesn’t fund any IVF a regardless of age if you already have children, I don’t think there is any such thing as a “decent age” where you can afford to have a child, everything depends on your individual circumstances, you can’t assume that every “young” parent isn’t financially ready for a child, some couples need IVF young due to conditions like endometriosis or childhood cancers, there’s definitely pros and cons to the age restrictions, the main one being fertility declines after the age of 40, but it’s not just age, many women get denied any fertility treatments on the NHS just cos their postcode is wrong, two people could be living a street away and one gets IVF yet the other doesn’t, it baffles me how the NHS decide who gets IVF and who doesn’t, it should be done on a base to base basis not a blanket rule that covers everyone
Same here, we have zero ivf funding in my area regardless of your age and circumstances. Two friends live a few miles away but fall under different CCGs and both received funded treatment, we are all the same age. It’s absolutely ridiculous how different every area is. I’m lucky to have been able to fund my treatment, so many people can’t x
It’s insane isn’t it, not to mention the cost of fertility treatments, clinics literally profit off infertility, this might sound stupid but it annoys me how the NHS don’t say no to helping smokers, drug addicts and alcoholics quit, but they say no to helping infertile people, you choose to be a smoker, or a drinker or to take drugs, no one ever woke up one morning and chose to be infertile x
It’s a policy based on the biological aspect of women, not emotional unfortunately. Tje older you are, the less successful you will be so doesn’t make sense to ‘waste’ money on it. The NHS has a budget that needs to be used for so many things and IVF is not seen as a priority anymore. If I were you instead of fixating on what is fair and what is not I would try to find a solution that doesn’t include the NHS! You are 43 but can still have a baby with donor eggs so I would start from there. Good luck!
The nhs policy is not fit for purpose for anyone. As others have pointed out just because you are under 40 doesn’t guarantee that you will be eligible for IVF. There are so many roadblocks to being eligible for funding not just age.
Your assertion that if you are 28 and have 2 children already you can have free IVF is incorrect though. I don’t believe there is a single CCG that allows treatment on the NHS if you already have children.
I agree with you that not everyone is ready to have children until they are older due to a variety of circumstances, and that a blanket no to everyone over 40 isn’t fair. It should be done on a case by case basis. My fear is that less and less people will be able to access ivf on the NHS as it continues to struggle under the weight the pandemic has put on it financially.
My question to you though is what you class a decent age. Why do you equate age to being able to afford children, having better circumstances and achieving something? I met my now husband when I was 16. I trained, got a degree, bought my own home and got married by the time I was 25. We wanted and were ready for children and unfortunately it didn’t happen for us and we needed ivf. I have paid tens of thousands of pounds to have a child. I got 1 round on the nhs.
I understand that not everyone meets the person that they want to have children with until they are in their 30s/40s and I do not believe you should just have a child with anyone, just to have a child, but age means nothing in how you can raise a child. I’ve met some absolutely amazing young parents who do everything they can to provide for their children. I’ve also met some absolutely useless parents that had their first child after 40.
Everyone works to their own time scales and like other things, some people are able to have children younger than others. Doesn’t make them any worse or better than anyone else. It’s just how things happen
This is such a sensitive topic, and so many people have already raised really valid points.
For me, I was 22 when I met my now husband, 24 when we decided to stop contraceptive and “see how it goes” and 30 when we were referred to IVF. I disagree with the statement that older women are in a better emotional and physical state as that’s not really true. I was just as ready at 24 than I am now to be a parent... it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Everyone lives within their means, but so long as they can provide love for that child and a stable, supportive home then that’s all that matters. My sister had my nephew at 18 whilst living on very little and he’s received the same love as her youngest who was conceived when she was more financially “stable”.
I do however agree that the NHS system probably isn’t fair... everyone should be treated on a 121 basis and to give a blanket no to those over 40 seems cruel and unfair. I can only imagine the heartache that comes with that when you so desperately want a baby.
I wish there was a better system that allowed everyone free access to fertility care because I genuinely believe it’s one of the most important medical support systems out there for those who are unable to conceive as easily as others or for those who sadly can’t conceive without the assistance of medicine.
Wishing you lots of luck, whatever path you are on xx
I think it’s still unbelievable that same-sex relationships typically qualify for no funding either! With equality being so high on the agenda these days, it’s nothing but discrimination!
Even if the wife has pcos or any other problem?
Yep, medical conditions don’t matter at all for same- sex couples. They have to pay for everything regardless of age or location.
Sucks
Does not make sense
Not all fertility declines for my day 21 bloods is 55, when I 42 it 21 I am now 44 the problem is not ovarian reserve, Older women are in better physical shape my gp says many young girl in this area born in digital age overweight
It’s the DNA that counts, women after 35 years of age have mostly abnormal DNA in their eggs so being in good health is not relevant actually.
Unfortunately all that means is that you ovulated, it doesn’t give any indication of egg quality or your general picture of fertility at all. Age is the biggest factor affecting eggs. AMH, FSH and your AFC can give a better idea of ovarian reserve, but still nothing on quality. Women in their 50’s will still ovulate, but it goes without saying that egg quality is all but diminished given than natural conception basically never happens by that point.
Your GPs statement doesn’t make much sense and much of a link to fertility, when it comes to being an older woman your eggs are effected, this is why the rates of edwards, pataus, down syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities are higher in older women than younger women, all day 21 bloods prove is that you ovulated but it won’t give any indication to the quality of the egg, as with regards to older women being in better physical shape, a maternal age of 35 and over and 17 and younger instantly have you classed as a high risk pregnancy, and with regards to saying young girls are born in a digital age and are overweight, that’s not scientific or backed up by any facts so your GP shouldn’t be implying that, young girls come in all shapes and sizes like every generation before those born into the digital age. You need to get a full fertility MOT, to see what quality your eggs are and what your ovarian reserve is like, day 21 bloods can’t tell you these things, this way you’ll know for certain if your own eggs are potentially good candidates for fertilisation and then for implantation as they’ll grade the embryos, if not you’ll have to consider egg donation x
I disagree chromosomal abnormalities happen in younger people.In fact many midline defects happen in young girls.
Young girls have fertility problems, I new a 20 yrs newly that treatment, by time she was 30 she three children naturally and was then divorced.
Like I said it up to the individual, you can not force people to children early just to fit with a policy
yes chromosomal abnormalities can happen at any age this is why every woman regardless of age is offered downsyndrome, edwards and pataus screening test as standard as well as a nuchal fold measurement to see what the chances are of the fetus having one of these but like I said the rates are higher in older women, but you can still have a perfectly healthy child as an older woman, but this doesn’t change the fact it is proven egg quality diminishes with age, it’s not to force people into having children earlier due to policy, but it’s based off success and failure rates, the NHS won’t fund something with an insanely low success rate, this has been proven with the lack of funding for experimental cancer treatments for example x
I wonder what men think?
I think when you look at everything as a whole, the only true way of making it fair across the board, is no CCG funds anyone’s treatment what so ever.
That way no one is at any more of an advantage or disadvantage as the next person
Unpopular decision - yes! Makes it fairer - Yes!
NHS are not going to pay out a lot of money for something that has a less percentage chance. Its not just age, I waited months for a consultation only to suddenly be told I have to high FSH. Then a week later the same Dr called to say its not actually the FSH stopping the funding but that we have had to be trying for 3 years. None of this was mentioned at the start even when we spoke to funding. It seems like a bit of a shambles, any excuse to get out of paying for it. Not sure I want to wait half a year for another consultation to which I'm sure they will find something else to stop the funding.
How old are you
33, 34 at the end of this year.
While also being told to consider ivf sooner than later and I have a low AMH.
So what is the conclusion? Does this mean having children younger when you might not be ready fits in better with policy, surely age is not the only factor, I know of a women who had a baby at 55 although her man was younger
What I need is a man 's perspective, what do men think?
Do they appreciate a woman my age waited for them.
I think it all depends on personal circumstances. It’s wonderful that you found mr right at any age ❤️ I’m not against waiting for the right person but surely everyone that gets married thinks they’ve found “the one” yet 1 in 3 marriages ends in divorce.. we don’t have a crystal ball, sometimes we’ve got to take a leap of faith.
I don’t think it’s fair to say over 40s waited too long or that being young means you’re not ready. You can’t judge how ready someone is by their age it’s not a one size fits all.
Unfortunately egg quality diminishes with age but I’ve seen so many wonderful success stories on here, maybe the age limit needs to be reviewed and same sex couples definitely need to be included.
Another thing is it takes so long to get through the nhs process that I’d feel like I’m wasting precious time. I’m 29, we’ve self funded 4 rounds in 3 years and the number of eggs collected has halved in that time.
Healthcare shouldn’t be so profitable in my opinion, there needs to be caps in place to stop clinics charging extortionate prices.
I have pcos if I have a daughter do I have tell freeze eggs at 29 just in case, surely my daughter should have a choice, I hope I do not pass pcos on to my daughter .
Your daughter may find mr right and be ready to have children at 18. She may have kids naturally in her 40s. All you can do is make sure she’s well informed about fertility and she can make her own decisions. I know many people that have pcos that haven’t needed Ivf. Honestly having been through the struggle I definitely recommend egg freezing to my friends. I’m still “young” but it’s still so difficult with a good number of eggs, I dread to think how hard it would be later on.
A lot of what you say hit the nail on the head for me ❤️Age does not determine how ready you are for children. The only difference I can see between myself and my younger self is I am wiser and more financially comfortable.
Also yes, there are so many miracles about women over 40 giving birth so having such an absolute cut of is not fair fair. Other absolute exclusions also need review.
Lastly the extortionate prices being charged needs urgent attention. Value for money was always on my list of criteria when choosing an IVF clinic. I am glad I paid for 3 cycles what some women paid for 1. Even the medication can run into thousands of pounds. If you are on high doses of Gonal F, your daily injections could be costing you £100 easily 😒
Interestingly my IVF outcome has differed slightly than yours. My back to back rounds of IVF although I was banking embryos, has meant more eggs collected with each round. That being said, the numbers of embryos has remained the same apart from my disastrous 2nd round where I had no blastocysts.
All the best with your journey 🙏🏾
Cycle packages are definitely well worth the investment. We naively assumed it would work first time as I was 26 and it was male factor. 2 missed miscarriages later we discovered a chromosomal issue, but we keep the faith ❤️Good luck with your cycles! Hopefully you’ll have a little one that will make this journey all worth it!
I think I the individual person will have to do what is right for themselves.
What's good for the guese is not good for the gender!!
If I have a daughter, I am so worried about my daughter that don't yet have
Am I thinking like a parent,? Is this what being parent is? or what I feel protective against the daughter I don't yet have
As perspective parent all I think about my child .......this pcos could be inherited
I think you’re worrying too much about the pcos side of it. Yes it can make conception a bit more difficult but at the same time a lot of women with pcos do conceive naturally. You mentioned you’ve had day 21 bloods done, but what about an hsg? Regular ovulation is great but what if your tubes are blocked like mine are? I’ll never get pregnant naturally and no amount of waiting or healthy living will change that!
I dis hear about a procedure where a woman's tubes were blown through
Occasionally, if it’s a slight blockage then the pressure from the HSG procedure can temporarily unblock tubes. Didn’t work for me though.
Hsg procedure? What this?
It’s where a contrast dye is put through your cervix in a catheter under X-ray so the outline of your uterus can be seen. They put enough dye in so it flows up (and hopefully out) of your fallopian tubes but can identify blockages if it doesn’t. It’s not an overly pleasant experience.
It’s a Laproscopy
Under a general anesthetic or are you awake?
Hsg is done without anaesthesia.
As my husband says, ‘No point worrying about something that hadn’t happen yet’ wait for it to happen and then consider your options.
Until then focus on things you ‘do’ have control of
IVF anxiety 
Counselling to prepare for IVF journey
Petition for equal IVF opportunities through Nhs 
What's the must stupid thing someone has said to you about ivf? Please note that I'm being very tongue in cheek.
NHS IVF 
