I was afraid of childlessness - this book saved me.

[Aga86]

Hi

As we all know infertility and IVFs are emotionally draining. I personally found it very hard to cope mentally at some point. But a book that I read literally saved me. I wish I found it earlier. That is why I decided to write this post. Maybe it will help someone❤️

The book might not be for all so I’ll start with my story:

I had 3 IVF cycles. First ended with a BFN and the second and third - with miscarriages. We started TTC when I was 30. Now I’m almost 35.

After my first miscarriage I had a depression. I was in a very bad place mentally. I was close to suicidal thoughts... I didn’t fantasise about killing myself, but I was starting to have thoughts like ‘the world doesn’t need me if I can’t have children’ , ‘nobody will care if I die’. Those thoughts scared me. I knew I have to do something about it.

I asked myself ‘What am I afraid of?’ ‘What terrifies me in this whole situation?’. The answer was ‘childlessness’. I couldn’t imagine my life without kids of my own.

I always liked personal development books and I consider myself as a quite self-aware person (despite that infertility almost crushed me)...I thought to myself that I will find a book on childlessness. If that doesn’t help I will go to a psychotherapist.

I found Jody Day’s book ‘Living the Life Unexpected’. It had great reviews on Amazon. THIS BOOK SAVED ME. I totally recommend it to all those afraid of childlessness.

The book is for women who know that they will never have children but in my opinion it is also great for women struggling with infertility (and still have hope). It helped me understand my feelings better and taught me how to be my own best friend. I found out that my huge craving for a baby was related with what I heard from my mom when I was growing up. I started to see the downsides of motherhood and the positives of not having a baby (which I didn’t let myself see before). The book is written with so much compassion and that itself is healing.

It doesn’t mean that me and my husband stopped trying or that I no longer have bad days... but I can now see the future in bright colours - I know that I will be happy with or without kids

Since reading the book I had my 3rd IVF cycle that ended with a miscarriage. It was devastating but I managed to get myself together so much quicker. I saw a huge difference. I didn’t have a depression like last time. I allowed myself to grieve and I was good to myself.

In the beginning I said that the book is not for everyone. I read one review from a woman who said that she couldn’t go through the first part because it was too much for her emotionally. The book indeed can be a lot - I cried many times reading it. But as I said - it’s written with so much compassion and that itself is healing. This book helped me find balance in this whole infertility craziness. I hope it will help others out there too❤️

Lots of love,

Agnes

[magda22]

Wow, that's amazing, thanks for the tip. You're right, not everyone will be in the place to consider this, but for who is I can see it can be a great help. I'm so glad this helped you. I'll get it if i decide i want to explore that route, so thanks ❤

[Aga86 in reply to magda22]

Thank you for the kind comment!❤️

[Hidden]

Thanks so much - have just ordered it this morning, facing a life without children and really struggling x

[Aga86 in reply to Hidden]

The journey of infertility is so hard❤️ I hope the book will help you as much as it helped me. I feel so much lighter after reading it. Sending lots of love your way!❤️ Xx

[ashbb]

Thank you ❤️

[Aga86 in reply to ashbb]

You are very welcome!❤️ Xx

[Marie2377]

Thank you so much for sharing

[Aga86 in reply to Marie2377]

Thank you for reading it!❤️ Xx

[Bluelady-sing]

I might have to buy it

[Aga86 in reply to Bluelady-sing]

❤️

[Hidden]

Thank you so much for sharing this. Regardless of the outcome, the journey of infertility is absolutely brutal. Anything that may help get me through the challenges, set backs, and overall not knowing how things will end up, is most welcome. ☺️🙏

[Aga86 in reply to Hidden]

It is brutal indeed. Yes, I think the same - I am willing to try anything that can help. We deserve to be happy❤️ Sending lots of love your way!❤️ Xx

[Hidden in reply to Aga86]

Aw thank you! ❤️❤️ To you as well.

[minnesota_girl]

I got this book for the same reason and even having it on my shelf helps me!

[Aga86 in reply to minnesota_girl]

Yes I have the same thing! ❤️ Every time I look at it it reminds me of all the things I learned from it❤️ Xx

[Gabrielagrazebrook]

Thank you Aga86 I will download it now x

[Aga86 in reply to Gabrielagrazebrook]

You are very welcome!❤️ I hope it will help you as much as it helped me. I really feel much lighter and happier now. Sending lots of love your way!❤️Xx

[Ike_2019]

Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so sorry about your journey to motherhood. I too know loss (my son was stillborn, this was my only pregnancy) and now facing infertility. Today I’m having a real down day, the grief is hard, I will certainly be looking up this book. I’m also 35 this year x

[Aga86 in reply to Ike_2019]

I am so so sorry for your loss❤️ You’ve been through so much... I can’t even imagine what pain you must have gone through and still are going through... I wish I could take some of it away❤️ I really believe the book will help you. Sending lots of love your way!❤️ Xx