Hi ladies
So we are going to go ahead with De in January.Feeling relived that we have come to terms with our plan b & navigated our way to a clinic abroad that so far are very caring & professional.
In my quiet thought I’m thinking a lot about how many & who we share this with ! Obviously our close family know but not feeling clear on who I want to tell if anyone?
Anyone’s story or advice would be lovely to read .
Thanks xx
Hey Ladycoco ☺️I have done DE and told my parents (who where the one that helped me decide to go down this road when I thought I couldn’t do it....after 3 failed cycles with my eggs), but haven’t told my in-laws because I know they would freak out...
As far as friends, I just told my best friend, who is very supportive. Just because I needed her to know.
I am not keeping it ‘a secret’ because I think it’s wrong, just because it’s private. But in the same way I wasn’t advertising IVF.
Actually, it’s the best decision we have made ❤️
Wishing you the best of luck 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻
Hi Thanks for your reply .. I made the choice to share my ivf with too many 🤦🏽♀️ .
Thinking I’ll just say very little this time , I’m asked a lot “what’s next “ & it’s hard & a little painful.
Thank goodness for all the lovely warriors that reach out
Glad your journey was the right one ❤️
Yeah I know what you mean, I recently started a new job and I don’t know why but I told my boss EVERYTHING (and she said: why don’t you adopt?erm....not your business???) - just say ‘we’re working on it’ and change subject, they’ll get it...
Ps: forgot to say that feel free to ask questions I’ll be happy to help if I can!
Xx
Hehe 🤦🏽♀️ Sometimes it just flows out !I’m a hairdresser so my clients have no boundaries as to asking me “info” hmmm adopt ?! Or get a puppy ?! Or relax 🧐.
Yeah I’m just going to say that ... 🤞🏼Xx
Thank you 😊 did your de work out good for you ? X
Yes I’m 5 weeks pregnant today ☺️Omg can I ask for your professional advice please? I need to bleach and tone my hair, thinks it’s safe...my stylist also uses ammonia free bleach...is it really safe or should I wait until first trimester? I’m so anxious about it 🙈Xx
Wow congratulations 🥳 so pleased . Hope your pregnancy continues smoothly 💗I would double check with your clinic regarding hair . I personally have coloured pregnant ladies hair , always with a patch test to make sure hormones don’t cause a reaction xx
Thank you hun! ❤️Me too, lost my first pregnancy at 11weeks in March (with my eggs) so I’m really hoping this will work 🍀🤞🏻Yep I’ll double check with my clinic, thanks xxx
You’ve got this mamma Positive vibes & love .. 🙏🏽🍍💗
Thank you so much hun 😘
Did de too I was traumatized By my journey up to that point and feared I would loose the pregnancy. So I was afraid to do anything including coloring my hair until I gave birth. If I were you I would check with doctor or clinic just to be sure.
You can always tell anyone in the future, but if you say it now you can’t take it back (if you’re unsure).
I didn’t do donor eggs but with the ivf(ICSI) I told just a few of my most trusted friends and I’m glad I did. We haven’t even announced to anyone apart from immediate family and a couple of close friends that were pregnant yet (15 weeks pregnant on Tuesday) probably going to wait til 20 week scan in January. Although we’ve been very private and cautious about the whole thing I do however think that in the future I would deffo share my story with anyone I heard was struggling with the same issues etc.
For me telling people it was IVF now would become a bit of, albeit not necessarily ill-meaning, gossip for some people that would take away from just the nice fact that we’re having a baby in June.
This is purely what I’d do and obviously I think it’s amazing when people are super open about things and it clearly helps others but for me if I were in your situation I’d keep it private for now then maybe if anything ever cropped up in conversation naturally with a group of friends in years to come I might mention it.
At the end of the day it’s no one else’s business and the baby is 100% yours however it was made! I would just hate for anyone to make a comment that I might find upsetting but that’s just me 😊
😀 congratulations 🎉 how bloody exciting! And you really are good at keeping quiet... your right it’s a very personal choice . Ladies sharing & supporting each other’s journey is needed , this forum really saved me after my failed ivf in September. Thank you for sharing & hope your pregnancy is smooth & you keep well lovely xx
We have decided not to tell our families as parents on one side just wouldn’t understand, unfortunately (the same way they would have a hard time accepting an adopted child). This goes against my natural instincts as I would usually be very open, but it is obvious that this is the right call. It might be easier to share the information once they have got to know the child and the child is a little older. We plan to use books etc from an early age so that the child know their own story (and we may need to explain to family/ friends/teachers later on if the child brings it up as a topic, for example in school).
I have told two friends in confidence who have done IVF themselves and a best friend who has stayed in touch with me throughout our whole journey. I don’t plan on telling any other friends through.
Talking it through with our counsellor, she would be of the school of thought that it’s the child’s information to share rather than ours, so we should only to share it on a need to know basis initially (otherwise we take that option away from the child). I have come across parents who share it very widely with everyone in the child’s life, however, and who’s to say that’s not the right call for them. I think it just depends on what feels comfortable for you and your child really. xx
I understand , you sound like you have made the right choice for you & your partner & ultimately that’s most important.My partner doesn’t want to tell anybody other than parents as he feels it’s private.
I’m thinking of starting a journal for our child to share when he/ she is old enough, but still navigating it all 😌xx
A journal is a lovely idea. I came across this today also through the DCN newsletter. It’s a personalised book (with your photos) for your child:sensitivematters.net/c/1
xxx
Our first FET with our embryo created with a donor egg is this coming Monday! Anyone we have told about the transfer is aware that we used a donor egg. We want to normalize it from the very beginning and we plan to do the same with our sweet baby. I figure if we just talk about it in an open and honest way from Day 1, it will hopefully make it that much easier for our child to understand as well. Good luck to you in your journey with your very special baby!
Hi thanks for sharing & sending super positive vibes for Monday 🍍🤞🏼Keep us updated xx
Hi there. After making the huge decision to use DE, I knew in my heart it wasn't something I wanted to talk about. To me it was such an emotional decision to make, and even now I cry at the thought of not being able to use my own eggs 😫 my dad knows and that's it, not my in-laws, not my friends, not my colleagues, no one. People are too judgemental and a lot of people don't understand IVF and how it affects you, let alone using DE 😔😔 xx it's a very personal decision to speak out or not, but most of all, it's absolutely your choice xxx
Hi , gosh I felt your pain there .. thank you for sharing. I’m so grateful for everyone’s views & choices that Iv read .I’m emotional about it also some days I feel blessed at the chance to move forward with de other days the future & enormity is to much for my head .
My councillor said that for us , the de warriors are very special like a Phoenix.. as we have gone through ivf & then the huge de road , & that really hit me .
My journey 🤞🏼Is going to start next year & I know you & lots of amazing woman are just a msg away .
Thank you ❤️
I used my sister’s eggs so my both of my sisters know because we discussed a lot about the issue before I came to terms with DE option. I told my mum when the babies where 2 months old. She was supportive. My dad has a very negative reaction about any kind of body parts donation even donating blood. Some kind of religious thing with him so I never told him. I also told another friend who supported me through the journey.
Morning , Iv not spoken to anyone who’s used family’s de .. very inspiring & thank you for sharing 💗 you had twins ! How wonderful. Atm only parents & one friend know & im feeling I may keep it that way for now . Going to do a journal for our future child xx
I had twin girls. You need to do what is comfortable for you and in my opinion you have told you the people who matter and the people that will support you through your journey. I am wishing you the best in your journey. It will all be worth it in the end.
Hi there, I have a son conceived the old fashioned way and a DE baby of 10 months. We used a known donor (distant friend) and have told and been open with most people. I wanted to take away any stigma that might be associated with this. Funnily enough since being so open I’ve met two other ladies locally that have gone down the same route and others that have been donors previously. Good luck lovely xx
Morning , thanks for sharing .. lovely positive outcome for you & your family .So grateful to all the warriors here ! I don’t feel so alone xx
Hi Ladycoco, Funnily enough I am just currently waiting for a HPT to develop on 10DP5DT after BFN’s since Friday 😩 and this was our first cycle with DE so I kinda got my hopes up (I know I shouldn’t)
We’ve had multiple failed IVF’s, and 2 pregnancies, 1 natural that m/c and another that was blighted ovum. The natural I was only 35 back then and we’ve been trying just shy of 10 years so I said to my hubby that I don’t see the point continuing with my eggs as they obviously have issues.
I’ve told my parents and sister and that’s it. My partner is quite private anyway and I would just rather his family not know as most of them can be judgemental 🙄 but I think it’s a great thing we are able to have the option of doing.
Xxx
Morning lovely , so sorry your journey has been painful my heart aches when the reality of fertility is in black & white . Thank you for sharing . I’m 45 next year so have come to terms with the facts .Did you use a uk clinic? And your bfn 🥲 sending you strength xx
I’m not sure if my comments will come through twice now as I did already reply but it’s nowhere to be seen. We used our usual clinic but think it may be time to move. For me adding in having to travel abroad would be too much. Are you using a clinic abroad? I do worry about my age, do you? Xxx
Still BFN 😢
I’m so sorry 😞, please be kind to yourself lovely , I understand this pain xx
Hi. I am 8 weeks pregnant with DE and having twins. We have decided not to tell anyone. Everyone knows we have had IVF. I feel it's not our story to tell, we plan on using the baby books to explain at a early age we needed help. But I feel it's the child's choice, I could be completely wrong with this and there's conflicting advise out there on whether to tell people or not. But whatever anyone decides things usually work out in the end. Once any child comes along they will be loved no matter how they came to be xxx
Morning & congratulations 🥳 Did you use a uk clinic? My partner is the same as you , no one needs to know ! I’m just navigating my way through the process & going with my heart ❤️
Sorry I thought I had replied to this. Thank you. I am from Ireland so went with Sims Dublin who used to use Intersono Clinic in Ukraine. That contract is now ceased, not sure why.
LOVE is powerful!
In our case, we are AMA and are attempting an (anonymous) donor embryo, where both side of the equation were donors.
We were going to adopt a young daughter a while back, but for certain remarkable reasons, we were unable to and finally learned of this option. The only person who is aware of our undertaking at the time is our chosen guardian, who is technically and literally educated, amazed and supportive.
We're anxious to get ERA results from a mock trial and our 2nd donor ET try any day to begin the next protocol, as there is a 7d XX embryo in waiting our RE described as "beautiful".
I don't consider this process all some "secret", but a private matter, although I know there would be questions from other adults in particular (which we would be in no way obliged to answer), so we have had a few discussions on how we would handle those different scenarios already, if, as our RE says -- "God willing". Perhaps it's our "advanced" life experiences that gives us the ability to understand such a perspective.
Me and my partner thought long and hard about this. We decided to keep it quiet. So only me and my partner know. As we went down the anonymous route. We woudnt be able to tell them any information we feel that could effect them. I may have a donated egg. Only part of making a baby. My body supplied other key factors too. Especially when you read about epergentics. If we do change our mind in the future then I would want them to be the first to know. But if you do have treatment in this country it is a legal requirement you have to tell the children. Thats y a lot of people go abroad xxx
Hi, We are also doing de. With our clinic you have to go for counselling before beginning. Our counsellor made a very good point to us, she said keep it quiet for now because this is your baby's story to tell. There are lots of lovely story books for young children explaining where they come from, if they see this from such a young age it becomes very normal for them. I have visions of my toddler handing my girlfriends their storybooks to read .😂😂🥰🥰🥰💕
Hello, we used DS, from my brother in law. Both parents and our siblings know. Our son is fully aware that his uncle very kindly helped his mummy and daddy make him, he is very comfortable with it, hopefully it will stay that way!I chose not to tell my friends for various reasons from; it’s my sons information, to living in a small rural gossipy community but, have been feeling the urge to let my best friends know recently. I’ve spoken to a counsellor about it and the counsellor said not to put myself under any pressure about telling people, that it’s completely our decision and we shouldn’t feel a need to tell people if we are not entirely sure we want to. So I’ve kept it under wraps for now and the people that need to know do.
I used to worry my son might feel it’s a secret not to be talked about but we are raising him with an open mind and he is fully aware of how he came into the world. He is our miracle, he knows how long his mummy and daddy dreamed about his arrival 💙
My only advice is if you are not sure, don’t feel any pressure to open up.
Xxx
We are pregnant with a DE and not planning on sharing with anyone. I did tell one friend who I trust but I’m very private and I think some family members wouldn’t understand. I’m hoping this is the right route but I do worry sometimes. The advice is to share with your child when they are young but I’m not sure how you can do that without basically letting everyone know once you have told the the child.
We will consider that once we get there.
Good luck to all of you - we have all felt the highs and lows and know the pain. Sending love xxx
My close friends all know except a couple of them that I am not as close with - my parents and sister know as does my neice (not nephew to young) but my in laws don’t know at all because my OH mum can be quite judgemental and had already said hurtful things to me after a miscarriage so we chose to keep them out of the loop.
You have to do what’s right for you I tell who I know won’t say anything and won’t judge but online etc fb whatever I would never make it public knowledge same with the ivf as my in laws don’t know about that either.
Just to let people know that there is a very informative fb group called 'donor conceived people, parents and donors'.
It has been an eye opener for me as one can see the views of donor conceived people who are adults now. One can see how this has affected different donor conceived people with different personalities and what to do/not to do/improve. But also see how other donor recipients have navigated this through their lives.
It's a quite vocal group that has really challenged my insecurities regarding donation, but equally , I think it is making me a better mum in the long run.
I'd urge anyone that is going through the donor route to become a member and to open heartily listen 🙂
When did you know you were ready 
Onto IVF... What did you wish you knew/did before starting?
What trigger did you use?
What did you do differently?
Can you still have nhs IVF if you go private
