10dp 5dt - BFN: So today is my OTD and... - Fertility Network UK

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10dp 5dt - BFN

Millbanks profile image
44 Replies

So today is my OTD and I've been in for my bloods this morning. But I also decided to do a HPT before the results come back and it's a BFN.

Absolutely heartbroken - I felt sure this would be the one. We've done everything we can and it's still not working.

This is such an awful rollercoaster. xxx

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Millbanks profile image
Millbanks
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44 Replies
Hope76 profile image
Hope76

Hi am so sorry. Having had 3x BFN’s... well I know how heartbreaking it is. Am due to test on Monday. Had some spotting and hoping good sign. Do you mind me asking if you had any spotting at all ? Am so sorry x

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toHope76

Thank you - how do you get over them and go again - I'm struggling...

No I had no symptoms at all - no spotting. Although I had spotting last time and it was also a BFN - it's so cruel because it could mean anything.

Fingers crossed for you on Monday xxx

in reply toMillbanks

Iv had 6 bfn and I promise you,you will start to feel better it just takes time ,ride it out cry, get angry be sad but then pick your self up I always find making a plan helps me loads of you ever want to chat I’m alway here xxx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply to

Thank you - it feels impossible at the moment but I know I'll be ok. That's a lot to go through - I hope you're ok xxx

in reply toMillbanks

Iv been where you are I still am and you will feel better jsit give yourself time sometimes it feels like the world is against you and you try so hard to make it work but it’s not enough in all honest it just luck nothing you do can change the outcome.im good jsit getting ready to start my 8th round 🤞I’m not giving up till I get what I want I’m very stubborn xx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply to

I like your thinking - I'm also very stubborn! Good luck to you xx

Hope76 profile image
Hope76 in reply toMillbanks

The only way I could move forward was planning my next cycle. Even when I went in for surgery once for a miscarriage I sent my partner upstairs to fertility clinic to book us in again. It’s what kept me going !

For now though just rest up and be angry, be sad. You have every right too this is a cruel cruel disease.

Thank you, I remember spotting once When had a BFN but it was way nearer my OTD this time it was a week in so am hopeful 🤞🏼

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toHope76

I've got everything crossed for you lovely! We have our next transfer already booked in but I felt like I was jinxing this one by doing that - I do think it's the only way to get through it xx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5

Awww I'm so sorry Millbanks! Its just gutting getting BFN after BFN.😥 Big hugs to you!xxx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toCinderella5

Thanks lovely - I feel stupid for letting myself think it would work. Hope you're ok xxx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5 in reply toMillbanks

I think we all feel like that when it doesnt work but we got to believe or we wouldn't be putting ourselves through this honey....so no need to feel daft at all!!xxx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toCinderella5

You're right - but I think that's what makes it so hard - because each time we still hope xxx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5 in reply toMillbanks

That's true, it's such a shitty let down!! I almost come to expect it these days but still hope against the odds!!xxx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toCinderella5

It really is - I was absolutely terrified to take the test because I've seen so many negative tests over the years and I wasn't sure if I could cope with another one. And it was awful. Again. Where are you at now lovely? xxx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5 in reply toMillbanks

Doesnt get any easier does it?!😕 I'm dreading testing already and I've not even had transfer yet!😂🙈 In Athens enjoying the sun and relaxation. Covid test on Sunday then all being well we have embryo transfer on Monday. Kind of dreading it but looking forward to it at the same time!!🤯🤪xxx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toCinderella5

It's like we're gluttons for torture isn't it! To be honest you could be in worse places waiting!! Got everything crossed for you xxx

Cinderella5 profile image
Cinderella5 in reply toMillbanks

Ha ha ha yes gluten for punishment for sure!😂 Well you know what they say....god loves a trier!🙄 Yes, definitley worse places to be, the sun is shining and its toasty! Thank you!xxx

hannahkc profile image
hannahkc

Oh love, this is sad news, I'm sending you hugs x

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply tohannahkc

Thank you - I need one!! xx

Im so sorry hunny. I pray a miracle happens. Its such a emotional journey people cant even imagine. Sending love and hugs. ❤️

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply to

Thank you - so sorry about your miscarriage too. This awful journey... xxx

Picalilli99 profile image
Picalilli99

I’m so gutted for you. I totally understand that heartbreak (we’ve also had many consecutive BFN’s). Look after yourself lovely. Try and give yourself a bit of time (to grieve the loss of what could have been). Because it is so gruelling. Then when you are ready you will dust yourself off and hopefully your next go will be THE one! But in the meantime - sending big hugs xxxx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toPicalilli99

Thank you lovely. What a bloody rollercoaster it is. I guess there are still a few things we can try for the next round so hopefully will start feeling more positive soon. Hope you're doing ok xxx

Solly-44 profile image
Solly-44

I’m so sorry lovely, had been looking out for your update. It’s really tough. Sending hugs xx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toSolly-44

Thank you - I hope you and the little one are doing well xxx

Dorekhani profile image
Dorekhani

I m really very sorry 😢😢I know the pain because I have one early miscarriage and two bfn.. So it extremely sad feelings I m really thinking of you.

May God give u bfp next time🙏🙏

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toDorekhani

Thank you - it's so hard isn't it xxx

Dorekhani profile image
Dorekhani in reply toMillbanks

Yes it is very hard... But you know time is healer and then we forget our sorrow and prepare ourself for next round.. This is life

May Allah succeed each and every person with healthy babies whose are on the road🙏🙏

Chel91 profile image
Chel91

So sorry for your news hun 😢 It's just devastating. This journey is so incredibly unfair. Sending you big hugs xxxx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toChel91

It's the worst - on the plus side now I know the result, my anxiety has just disappeared.

Hope you're ok lovely xxx

AnnieAnnie profile image
AnnieAnnie

sorry to hear this. I don't think it gets any easier. I've had 3 ivfs (2 bfn and 1 with nothing to transfer). Even when trying naturally and testing, it doesn't get any easier. But some how you manage to do it all again. Hold your other half close and tonight have a glass or 2 of wine xx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toAnnieAnnie

Thank you - ha no, it never gets easier! I already bought a bottle of wine :) xxx

AnnieAnnie profile image
AnnieAnnie in reply toMillbanks

Enjoy the wine and treat yourself to a take away (and lots of chocolate and or cake 😊) xx

Gutted for you Millbanks, definitely treat yourself over the next few days and take time to 'poor me' a bit - its really needed to try and process disappointment after disappointment. I have no doubt you will be back soon and hopefully with a good news outcome x

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply to

Thank you my lovely - we will! Fingers crossed hey - feel like your post "it's never me"...

How are you doing? Have you got any closer to starting a new cycle? xx

Luna_79 profile image
Luna_79

So sorry to hear your news millbanks, it’s just the worst to see that Bfn all those hopes and it’s so hard not to hope after all what else is there? Take time, take time for you, take time to feel sad, angry , to grieve for what might have been, but then take time to build yourself back up again and be strong enough to go again, sending you a big hug xxxx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toLuna_79

Thanks Luna, and for you too. I’m so sorry we’re going through this. I’m at the self pity stage today. It’s so unfair!! But I don’t think I’ve got any more tears left so I’m going to enjoy a few glasses of wine and not having to think about this sodding, all encompassing journey for a bit. Hope you are ok and fingers crossed doing the same xxx

Luna_79 profile image
Luna_79 in reply toMillbanks

Hey millbanks - yeah It’s crappy isn’t it. You enjoy that wine!! Lol I had a glass on my bday though and felt awful afterwards - lol think I drank it too quickly after months of abstinence!!! So take it slowly!!! Lol !

I’m ok was ok last few days as think distracted but a bit teary and down today. Feel bad as hubby keeps saying to do things go for a walk etc and trying to be upbeat, I feel awful but just want to hide away today, and feel sorry for myself, don’t want to push him out but don’t want to talk today, I just want to be on my own - cuddling my little pooch 💙💙💙

Sending you much love honey, it’s so painful but we will find the strength to move on again and go through the torture once again!! 🙈 xx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks

I had some last night and I was the same! Felt hammered after just one 😖

I know what you mean. My husband is the same. Of course he understands that I’m upset but he doesn’t want me to be so trying to cheer me up, and I have to explain that it’s ok for me to be upset, in fact I need to be as part of the process. I think they’re so far removed from it they can’t feel how we do.

I’m cuddling my little cat, he’s been so affectionate through it all. That makes me cry too!

Sending love to you too. We will!! Xxxx

Luna_79 profile image
Luna_79

Lol re the wine!!! 🙈

So very true, re partners though I know he’s trying to ‘jolly’ me out of it, and doesn’t want me to be sad but I think it’s part of the process. I know he is hurting too but they seem to be able to switch and move on so much more easily. I think maybe as we put our bodies through it and have all of the hormone changes to deal with, we take all those meds and then suddenly stop taking them it’s bound to knock us further off our feet. Glad your cat is giving you lots of cuddles, I swear they know 💙 I’m shattered and have literally slept the afternoon away think sometimes your body just needs rest hey , tomorrow I will suggest a nice walk out at the beach together but I just need today xxx

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toLuna_79

I completely agree with you!

Yes the animals definitely know 💖

I’ve also snoozed for most of the day and am going to the beach for a walk tomorrow. It’s like we’re loving parallel lives xx

Luna_79 profile image
Luna_79

It does indeed - something about a trip to the beach to help clear your mind.

Hope you have a relaxed evening and hopefully we will both feel a little brighter tomorrow 💙💙💙

Millbanks profile image
Millbanks in reply toLuna_79

And you too my lovely. It sucks but it’s reassuring to know that someone else is feeling like I do today xx

Luna_79 profile image
Luna_79 in reply toMillbanks

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 xxx

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