Any tips on staying hopeful? - Fertility Network UK

Fertility Network UK

28,934 members40,356 posts

Any tips on staying hopeful?


Hi ladies,

I am on my fourth cycle and I just started down reg today.

During my previous cycles I felt a mixture of nervousness and excitement - now, I just feel pure fear.

I am trying a new protocol with a new clinic, but I am just going through the motions, numb and petrified.

Any tips on how to stay hopeful and positive? I really need to change my mindset, but the constant failed cycles has really impacted my attitude.

Thank you xxxx

31 Replies

Hi Anna_88,

Your story sounds awfully familiar 😊 After 3 failed cycles, I moved clinic and changed protocols for my fourth. Honestly was the best thing I ever did. I did a freeze all cycle and transferred my first frostie in January, I’m currently 8 weeks pregnant.

I felt very similar going into mine but don’t give up hope! You’ve got this 💪🏻xxx

Littlepeax in reply to KiboXX

Hi Kibo, hope all is well with you 🥰

Can I just ask when people say cycle does that include a FET or is it egg collection too? X

KiboXX in reply to Littlepeax

Thanks LittlePeax, I’m doing really well so far thanks 😘

I’m not sure to be honest 😂 With mine, I’m referring to four egg collections xx

Littlepeax in reply to KiboXX

Hahaha that's what I thought. Thanks 😘 glad to hear all going well x

Hidden in reply to KiboXX

Thank you so much - this is exactly the hope I need! Congratulations xxx

Hey lovely, I dont have any tips but just to say I get it! I am on my 4th cycle and feel very similar. I actually asked one of the nurses at my clinic how to be positive, she said don't even bother! She said just work through it day by day, focus on staying calm and looking after yourself, that you have to think about it as a process that you need to get through and if you keep going you will get your BFP.

I am not sure whether thats the best advice but what I found was as soon as I stopped worrying about being positive and gave myself a break I felt better about things.. I think feeling numb/pessimistic was giving myself another pressure trying to change that.. everything you feel is very normal and won't have a negative impact so just focus on you and looking after yourself and the rest will come

Masses of luck, here's to fourth time lucky for both of us xx

Hidden in reply to Daisy1245

That is such good advice, thank you. I guess I should allow myself to just feel the way I do, without any pressure. I just wish that inch of excitement I had at the beginning would come back! x

Daisy1245 in reply to Hidden

I totally get it, the first couple of rounds you are so full of hope and what might be as you just assume it’s going to work! I think it’s just our body and brains way of protecting ourself that we are feeling the way we do. I think I have also learnt you could be so positive and things be going so well and then you are blindsided - like they don’t get as many eggs as you expect or not many fertilise etc and you just crash down - so it’s easier to almost fear the worst until the best news comes.

We can do this xx

Hidden in reply to Daisy1245

You are exactly right....going through all those injections to just see your eggs/embryos disappear every day is utterly soul destroying. I just need a new narrative and a new way of thinking....argh! So hard, but it is SO helpful knowing I am not alone in my thoughts.


For me personally, my food & fluid intake etc was a huge way to help think positively... my mindset was, if I had done all I can in eating right, drinking right etc then I would have no “regrets” and at that point you’ve personally done all you can to prepare. I’m also a firm believer that stress causes more stress. I know that’s easier said than done to try and relax but be confident in yourself and you never know what will happen 🤞🙏❤️ Xx

Hidden in reply to Mrs14

Thank you so much xx

Fourth cycle for me too! The emotions are very up and down and you just have to take them as they come. Don't feel like you need to be positive all the time.... it won't affect the outcome, so just feel what you need to feel! Personally, I go from despair to joy (we all talk about the rollercoaster), and it is a nightmare! Here for you through the less positive times as well as the good days. Lots of love. xxx

Hidden in reply to ttcemmie

Thank you so much - this is exactly how I feel. Totally exhausting. Thanks so much for sharing, it really helps xx

ttcemmie in reply to Hidden

Totally exhausting! I would never have thought it would be like this from the first round. Impressed with myself that I'm still managing it. Hopefully you are also pleased with yourself on how you're doing (and are changing your expectations on how your mindset and attitude "should" be). x

Hidden in reply to ttcemmie

Thanks so much. You are absolutely right - we should be proud of ourselves! x

Hi I feel u on that one hun be my third cycle and I must admit I’m dreading it xx

Hidden in reply to Coral86

Me too! I am actually so bored, exhausted, fearful of the whole thing, all over again....I literally can't believe this is cycle 4. I thought IVF was easier than mistaken! x

Coral86 in reply to Hidden

I know I’m sorry Hun 😢 you feel like giving up don’t u takes over your life xx

It seems never ending doesn't it my love! I feel the same going into my 3rd, just dont know when its going to let up, feel like life is just ivf and only IVF and I'm fed up of feeling so crap all the while!

Sometimes I think you cant change your perspective on it as you will feel what you want to feel, but you are super strong and you WILL do this and there will be a positive outcome 💗

Wishing you lots of luck xxxx

Hidden in reply to Italy300618

Thank you so much and best of luck with your 3rd cycle - we have to get there eventually! xxxxxx

I always think this way “with each cycle I feel closer to our dream” as you are always trying to improve things, all cycles are so different!

I will start down reg in March for my 4th cycle 🤪 I have no feelings or emotions yet, I will go with the flow until it will hit me either on a good or bad way 😄

Good luck ❤️

Hidden in reply to Ranchu90

Thanks so much! Wishing you all the best with the 4th cycle - we are almost cycle buddies!! xxxx

Hi Anna, just wanted to say I have been having similar feelings as we gear up for our 4th cycle too. I had a MMC in early February so just waiting for things to get back to normal before I can start again. The waiting is driving me nuts, but then also knowing we’ll go again in the next month or two and wondering whether the result will be better is just really hard.

I think that for me, part of what kept me going before was knowing that we were making changes that made sense (and did improve things to some degree). For this cycle I have mixed feelings since we have way more information but then I don’t know if the steps we’re taking will solve the problem - and that’s terrifying as I feel we’re throwing everything at it now. My husband has DNA fragmentation which the urologist thinks is down to some kind of inflammation but has only slightly improved with antibiotics and supplements... so despite his “normal” semen parameters otherwise we are doing a surgical sperm retrieval to use testicular sperm in the hopes that avoids the fragmentation. And if it works as they think it should, then we hopefully will get more blasts and then can do PGT-A to ensure what we transfer is viable. But then I’m terrified that what if the theory doesn’t play out and we still end up with few blasts. Having had the MMC I just really want to be able to test so that is where I’m mentally getting hung up.

That being said, I’m just trying to go with it and remind myself we’ve got great doctors and that I believe in the science. It’s just hard when nothing has gone to plan, to truly believe that it will. But I’m trying!

Wishing you all the best for your cycle!

Hidden in reply to Peony85

Thank you so much for your message xx

I am so sorry to hear about the MMC. The waiting drives me insane too...I guess I just want to know if all this money and all these tears are for something!

I heard TESE gets the very best sperm so I am sure it will help. Are you doing IMSI too, I heard it also helps? What is his rate of fragmentation? xx

Peony85 in reply to Hidden

We did IMSI on the last cycle and it did help improve our blastocysts. However with the testicular sperm our urologist said normal ICSI would be fine. As he explained, IMSI is very good at weeding out the high fragmentation but isn’t as good at selecting between the medium and low fragmentation. My hubby has 38% fragmentation and 8% high fragmentation (the high fragmentation went down a few % with the supplements). So while our fertility clinic thinks we could just do IMSI again (we got 3 blasts from 19 eggs last time), the urologist thinks we can raise the blast rate which would be amazing and I’m so hopeful he’s right.

Hope you’re doing well.

Hidden in reply to Peony85

Thanks so much - this is really interesting. Will you be doing Micro-TESE? We were considering the same...xx

Peony85 in reply to Hidden

It’s all really interesting... amazing what they can now do that probably wasn’t possible 10 years ago. So he is going to do PESA I think although I get the acronyms confused (from the top of the epididymis) and plans to use that one for the ICSI but will also do TESE while he’s in there just in case. Apparently TESE sperm is the hardest for Embryologists to work with as least mature but it is also the least fragmented... so really just covering all angles I suppose. The good thing is once we do this we should have the one portion to use for that cycle, and then 2-3 more to freeze... so hopefully hubby will only have to go through it once!

Hi hun. If you read my old posts you will see how low I've been in the past. But somehow I kept fighting because i figured if there was anything in life to never give up on it was bring a mother. My husband and I figured if there is anything in life to go bankrupt over it was this. One of the doctors at my clinic said those that dont have success and those that give up. I think he's right. Read all the inspirational stories on this forum and hold the hope! Best of luck and baby dust to you! 🤞🙏


Thank you so much this really helps. You are absolutely right - I need some of that fighting talk.

I just read through your posts, and like you, I have had very dark thoughts. I am so glad you got your BFP!

Thanks for giving me hope xxxx

You got this Anna 💪🏼 I totally understand how you feel and why you feel that way. It’s exciting that you are doing something new this time and it sounds like you have taken a bit of control back on this journey. Good for you 🤗 when I feel like this I always think of my friends who were on the IVF journey for 5 years and they decided to be super positive and talk and act like their final cycle (final for financial reasons) was going to work. They even wrote their vision of the future down on bits of paper in a bottle and put it in the ocean etc. It did work and their beautiful daughter is 4 now! Who knows if their attitude/approach made any difference that cycle but I chose to believe it did and so scrape from the bottom of my emotional barrel every time to try and do the same☺️ Good luck to you and I hope this one is the one for you xx

Hidden in reply to Twiglet2

This is great advice, thanks so much xx

You may also like...