Ttc and work

[sammejayne]

Jobs... i need some advice please 😞 i have been at same work place 12 years have got two promotions so really proud of my achievement but the workload naturally is higher and stressfull to the point along with the ttc i am suffering from terrible anxiety, i am stuck between looking for a new job which is less stressfull but then i worry about the maternity side and massive pay reduction, or do i hang on until i do conceive (if ever) and then the stress may not help me or my treatment,, help x

[Orla9298]

I’m the exact same, it’s killing me. 12 years at my company, senior management salary, but it’s really been too much for the last year on top of all of the mental strain of ivf.

I’ve explored leaving, doing the suns with my husband whether I can just quit, but the thought of having no money for treatment puts a stop to that one.

I got signed off for my 2ww but it was a total fail.

I’ve told work that I’ve been suffering from anxiety due to worrying about work matters when I’m already anxious about treatment. I’ve been considering asking for a temporary reduction in hours but I don’t know whether o could truly do that. But I’m thinking of asking to drop to 32 hours for a trial for a few months, could you consider that?

[sammejayne in reply to Orla9298]

They wouldn't let me do that they already say when i do have a baby id have to come bk full time if i want the same role x

[MightyB in reply to sammejayne]

Have they given you a sound business reason why? It is illegal for employers to deny part time working without a good reason m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?ar...

[crisps88 in reply to MightyB]

Unfortunately it’s not illegal. So all businesses have to consider the needs of the employee and if they can alter your working hours or schedule for parental reasons but they are not legally obliged to change your working status that you signed on your original contract as it may not suit the needs of the business.

Eg if you can’t do your same job same hours same everything that you signed originally on your contract then the business legally don’t have any obligations to change your hours it’s just a goodwill or gesture that many businesses do but some don’t. A “god reason” can be that they can’t support a part time worker by employing another worker to cover your shortfall in hours. Good luck x

[Suzy86]

I was teaching full time and each year I was hanging on to I’ll getting pregnant soon and benefitting from maternity and then I got to a point last academic year where I couldn’t take it anymore. I was having anxiety attacks at work, I was horrible to the children, I just couldn’t cope With the work pressure and going through IVF and failure and the constant loop I seemed to be stuck in. So I quit. I mean I’m lucky with my career that I can at any point go and find another job when I’m ready and enter at exactly the same pay level and losing maternity does worry me but saying that I’m still not pregnant so I’ll cross that if it comes! I am so much happier having left. I still have bad days but I no longer have crippling anxiety and I feel like I can give my all into my next round of IVF and not feel drained with nothing to give at my job and feel like I’m failing. It is totally a personal decision and not one to take lightly but right now I am all the happier for it.

[crisps88]

Hey. I was a full time primary teacher and the stress and workload was too much. I am in a much less stressful job and really do enjoy it, less pay but much more flexibility and my boss is one of my great friends who has been so supportive through everything we’ve been through.

Our company doesn’t offer sick pay-I was off for Two weeks each ivf cycle and I only get 6 weeks maternity pay at 90% so nothing really. But it hasn’t ever impacted my decision. Good luck Hun xxx

[Suzy86 in reply to crisps88]

So nice to see I’m not the only primary school teacher that couldn’t handle the pressure of it all with IVF. I’m supply teaching at the moment but haven’t had much work. I’m thinking if our next round doesn’t work of a whole new career change. I don’t know about you but I found working with children, especially the class I had last year where many of the children were perhaps not cared for the way I felt they should be very mentally challenging.

[LunaLovegood11]

Work can be so stressful!! Have you told your manager about your situation? I told mine and they were great. Still had a meltdown this week though 🙈

I think it’s worth asking them how they can support you through this time before making the decision to leave - ask them what they can do. If they’re unsupportive then that may help your decision xxx

[Kiedy84]

Hey I felt the same for a long time but then I shifted my way of thinking and perception.. I realised it didn't make sense to look for a new job because then you have to proof yourself all over again and have less flexibility.

I started appreciating more what I had and what I could do in my position and with a few minor tweaks it worked really well. Also as a manager I decided to tell my team and other key colleagues about my IVF and this helped massively and everyone was super supportive!

I think you could re evaluate how you feel about your job🤗🤗🤗

[sammejayne in reply to Kiedy84]

The problem is i get a lot of pressure from my manager x

[Kiedy84 in reply to sammejayne]

I understand, can you go to their manager instead? xx

[MightyB]

If planning to ask for support or flexible working etc. I really recommend joining a trade union first in case your boss is unsupportive. A union can only help you with situations that happen after you join them, like insurance. Once joined they can give legal support if your work decides to discriminate against you, unfairly dismiss you or if you experience any bullying. They can also advise you of your rights.

I am sorry you are experiencing anxiety, I really understand as I already had General Anxiety Disorder before even TTC! Working 4 days a week has really helped me. Good luck!

[Libsie3103]

I totally get this and have been feeling the same. I’ve done 2 rounds now, first was BFN and 2nd BFP. My boss knows about the treatment and has been supportive of time off during the 2WW, no traveling after my BFP (I have to travel a lot normally) and the time off / flexible working after my miscarriage. But I’m starting to get the impression his support / patience is wearing thin. I’m in a Senior role as well. We’ve had some conversations about it this week & he’s encouraging me to move accounts - says it’s because he wants the best for me but can’t help feeling like I’m being pushed out. I’m starting my next round in November and I’m dreading telling him about it after last week. Is so tough.

[LKT1]

Hi im another primary teacher who left for ivf. My school had a lot of children with SEND and attachment issues but there was little funding for them to get support making everyday very stressful. Whilst I loved teaching I felt I couldn’t continue after a failed round of ivf. I had a couple of months off to have second round which was successful. I’m now employed as a nursery teacher. I get paid about the same as a NQT teacher. So it is a pay drop if you have been teaching for years but no work to take home so all your time at home is for relaxing. I will only get statutory maternity pay but who cares!? I can live without the luxuries and when I want to return to work I get a 40% discount on childcare so that should make up for things later on. Teaching is something you can always go back to later on. Best of luck whatever you decide x

[Lumie]

Hi,

I had to reply to this as I had the same thoughts a few months ago. I was in a job, had two promotions, loved it at first! Got married and during my 3 year TTC, I really struggled. Had 3 rounds of ivf and failed. It was stressful and I started to hate my work to the point I didn't want to go. My managers were super supportive. Gave me time off, let me basically do what I wanted. But my colleagues, they were terrible. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want them to know. I didn't want to show them a weakness, they would have used it against me. It was an hour drive there and back too. it had a great maternity package. But I just couldn't get pregnant.

My husband and I did the sums and made up the decision to find a new job with less stress... And less money. I had to make sure the pay was enough to live off before I made the leap. We also made sure we could survive if I miraculously got pregnant before the year. There's people who have kids with a lot less money than me and still survive! My husband would support me if pay was a problem.

I finally put my notice in and you know what?! it felt so good. I then started to freak out a little. I started asking questions like...... Is it greener on the other side? What if I become pregnant and get no maternity benefit? What happens if it's just as bad & stressful? I've worked so hard to get where I am and I have to do it all again?! It was a bit stressful. But then, I thought if I get pregnant, it'll all be worth it and I'll make do with the pay. Also, it can't be any worse than where I am now.

I went for a different kind of job..... Similar to what I did but in a different dept.

Anyway, I'm 4 months in my new job and I gotta say..... I am so much happier! I have a lot of good days and I actually want to be at work. Less stressed and my mental health is great.

My advice to you is to evaluate your job right now. Are you happy? Do you still enjoy what you're doing? Are they and will they be supportive? Can you have a different way of dealing with the work?

If not, explore other jobs, find out about their working environment, find out about their work ethos, flexi working? Part time working?(if you don't want them to know about TTC, tell them you're thinking long term in the future either when you got kids or when you get really really old!) Can you afford new salary? You can't put money on your mental health.

Good luck and let us know how you get on x

[sammejayne in reply to Lumie]

Thanks for this, problem is my.boss has openly said hes glad i.havent got pregnant yet as they need me there! And knows.im the bread winner so has also mentioned well at least i know you will come bk!!!!

[thepregnantpause in reply to sammejayne]

That is an awful thing to say! Excuse the language but your boss sounds like an insensitive prick.

Just to go off of Lumie’s suggestion - be very careful when speaking to new companies about flexible working and maternity leave. Do it as early as possible in the process. I was once made an offer for a role and asked if they could send me a copy of their benefits and maternity package to help me decide, and as soon as I said that they backed out!

[JojoWash]

Are you able to step down from your role at the same job? Would they listen if you were honest because now days they have to listen to mental health and anxiety is mental health condition.

I know people who have stepped down for a year and someone was offered job to step up temporarily for a year. Which people like to do for experience.

Yes and a massive thing is maternity leave, you would lose all those privileges going to another job.

What about asking to go part time? Would that be easier ? You’ll probably continue on part time after you have baby?

Think very carefully and maybe just talk to your boss. Let them know what’s happening and maybe they will suggest some options.

Good luck but don’t leave! Unless you partner is on a very good wage xx

[Danascha]

My 1st ICSI didn't work out. I was doing it during one of the most stressful time in my life; hubby's diagnosis meant running between 3 hospitals and managing a full time career. Had 1 egg and it didn't divide well.

My second ICSI, I took time off and had all the positive side effects. Had 3 eggs, got through transfer but did not implant.

I took time out before and after egg collection. Went to work on the 2nd week of my 2ww. Workwise, I picked my projects wisely.

3rd ICSI came and went too quickly but I was working away and work got stupid. I told the woman in charge I am going through ivf. She didn't know what that meant and I had to explain to her and she partially got it but still didn't know such a thing existed(yes, she's not qualified to be in charge of anything but that's another story).

They only retrieved 1 egg out of 5 potential and it did not fertilise. This round hit me hard.

Hubby has now decided it's best I leave my job because I can't minimise my responsibilities at work and my projects are not transferable.

It will be hard to adjust. This will be the first time I will not be financially independent and it's a scary thought.

But equally, I need to get to the level where I can heal my body, cut away all the dramas in life and listen to my body.

My advise for you will be, do what you think is best. Can you request a sabbatical? Speak to your MD and have an informal chat. Tell him/her, you're doing this for your family. You'll be surprised how their reaction will be. At the end of the day, they can only say no.

[LBS08]

I am in exactly the same position as you, can completely relate.