I am feeling very sad most of the time and crying almost every day because at 42, I am running out of time and my chances of IVF success are quite low. I am avoiding to speak with my mother because she can't handle me being depressed and thinks that IVF is a waste of money. She thinks I should be ok with the high likelihood that it won't work, because noone in life has all what they want.
How are you ladies coping? Are you actually at peace with the fact that it is likely not to work and if it does, it will be a bonus?
Is it not normal to feel sad?
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Dogpark
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Hi, I’m sorry to hear you are feeling so sad but I can totally relate. I am 40, Since our 4th IVF failed just over a week ago I have cried every day. I feel so low, sad and scared at it never working. Scared to move away from IVF with my own eggs. And scared to have donor egg fail as well. Have you had any counselling? I am looking at getting CBT. To help with my anxiety. It is only time that helps with the grieving process after a failed cycle. My OH says I should concentrate on that process and not so much on worrying about the future as I’m worrying about what if’s. Sensible advice but hard to do when feeling so down. I hope you have lots of support around you. Take some time out for you and your OH. Find the fun in life again as a couple. We’ve had 4 cycles in 18 months due to our age. So found it really important to get a level of normality back in between and spend time together. Big hugs. Xxx
Thanks, I'm having 2 back to back rounds now to collect embryos while I am still 42, so, not too much normality for me. It totally impacts life and makes work more complicated for me because I usually travel a lot for work. Enjoy the summer indeed and keeping fingers crossed for you.
Hi I’m in a similar situation, I’m also 42 and recently conceived via ICSI, first time. Sadly at 7 weeks the little one stopped developing and it’s looking like I will miscarry.
Yes, time isn’t on my side and I’m aware of the that, but then I get encouragement from my friends who are having babies in their 40’s. It may not happen for me, but I have to try or I don’t think I’d forgive myself. So yes, I have hope but also made peace with the fact that it might not be in my cards to be a mother.
Yes we’re going for another round, fingers crossed. So many women in their 40s are having successful pregnancies, I’m not letting stats stop me from trying.
We’ve been through 4 rounds of ivf and are putting our fifth (and last!) one on hold until Christmas time as I just want to enjoy summer. I have to say that the first 2 failures were definitely the worst.
Don’t get me wrong, I still feel sad and get emotional when the same negative result comes my way but I also find I’m comparing my life to others in a good way, not just feeling that I am missing out. There are so many things we get to do and enjoy because we haven’t got kids. It’s made me realise that I can be happy without children although I still dream of this happening for us. I think I have come to terms with the fact that being a mum for me, may not be having my own children but there will definitely be some kind of future family.
I can still see myself being happy and that’s a big turnaround and a comfort before braving our last chance x
Oh I’m so so sorry to read this. You have always been such an incredible support and very positive re my posts! We have recently started talking about donor eggs so that may be a possibility. Also I do think I have started to think more about life without children. I think it’s important to be grateful for what you’ve got and I’m trying to start thinking about the positives of not having them, just in case it doesn’t work out.
Sending you lots of love and so sorry you are feeling so sad xx
I try to be at peace and I keep telling myself that if it’s not meant to be, then to just let it go.. but it’s hard. My mum in law told me to just accept what god has planned, if it’s not meant to be, it will never be. Her words made me so upset and miserable. I’m not ready to give up yet (6th ivf cycle coming up)!
It’s a horrible feeling knowing that time is not on our side and the longer it goes on the less our chances get. Try to stay positive. I hear of so many success stories of people in their early 40s. That could be you. Best of luck xxx
I'm so sorry ur feeling like this. We had 1 fresh and frozen icsi cycle on nhs and can't afford to go privately, we are now trying to accept never being parents. I have good days and bad days, but I try to focus on other things. The hardest time is of course hearing about pregnancies, I don't know if I'll ever be ok about them. When I am struggling I use the punch bag we have, getting the frustration and anger out really helps me. If you feel you need to cry then let yourself,it is completely normal to be sad, and it's completely normal to be angry, when you are ready you will let these feelings go. But even then you'll still have bad days,it's part of the journey we are all on and unfortunately it's a journey only those of us on it can understand.I don't think I'll ever accept not being a mother but I'll hopefully learn to live with it. I really hope though you don't need to accept it and you get your miracle xox
Getting a BFN is the hardest pain ever. It's pure grief. The only thing that got me through was seeing a counsellor and I wish I'd done it sooner, before the BFN rather than after. I really recommend counselling if you haven't already looked into / are not doing it.
But here's hoping you get good news and your ivf journey is a success. It's so hard when the people closest to us don't seem to know how to support us. Just keep talking to people otherwise you might end up bottling it up.
As yet I haven't done FET or experienced a BFN and I cannot relate on that front but I can relate somewhat on the mother experience, on the flip side of the coin: My mum is 76, and suffering from early Alzheimer's. I am an only child and she is desperate for me and my DH to have a child, so that she can 'go to her grave knowing that she is a grandmother' The pressure and stress this has caused is tremendous on both of us. We can't reason with her because of her condition to explain that it may never work because of our ages, although we are both doing what we can to secure a positive result. My DH and I have decided to not tell her when we have done the FET as it will just make things worse....its sneaky but needs must. I am desperate for it work for our sakes as well as hers but none of us are in an enviable position.
If it doesn't work, I genuinely don't know what I will/won't do as I will have to be strong for my DH and my mum before I could even consider my own feelings. My biggest fear is that something will go wrong physically and not be able to try again with the remaining embryos. You are a human being and you have every right to feel sad...it is a process of grieving...be kind to yourself!!
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