What do I do???

[CBOO1]

Hi All,

Desperately in need of some help I really don’t know what to do!!!

We are due to be flying to Athens for our first round of IVF next Sunday, I’m currently on my pre treatment drugs & having a weird bleed so it could all get cancelled anyway but my boyfriend & I have just had a major row because his son wants a new iPad for Christmas which we can’t afford but BF says if we can afford to go to Athens we can afford to buy his son what he wants for Christmas! This turned into a huge row & he said he’s only doing all this because I want to & that he wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t for me (I’m supposed to be more happy about that apparently!!!)

If we cancel this round we will potentially lose a good £500 (flights & air bnb costs) if we go in January I will have to have an endometrial scratch & an aquascan (more money!!) we talked about postponing before but decided against it because financially it didn’t make sense, now he’s changed his mind again because we have to buy this bloody present!

What am I supposed to do / say??? I’m nearly at the end of my drugs, why is he doing this to me now??? And all I’m going to feel is resentment if we cancel?!!!!

Please help??!!!! Xx

[Kyell2]

Oh no. This sounds like an awful situation to be in.

Things might calm down over the next few days and it might be better to wait until then to make a decision.

If buying this IPad means so much to your partner that he’s prepared to fight with you then maybe you could find a way to scrape together the money. Or is it really impossible, they aren’t cheap!

It seems such a shame to go through all your drug regime and get so close to give up now. I hope things calm down and you can resolve it all xx

[Hidden]

I would definitely feel resentment if I was in your position & cancelled. I think it's a bit cruel for your BF to say he is only doing it for you too. I'd be hurt & angry if I was having needing IVF being compared to a child's Christmas present too! However, IVF is bloody stressful & it turned me into a right cow ( not meaning to say it has you ) but I said some awful things to my husband during rows when we were having treatment. We never argue normally but I'd lash out & he would retaliate. Maybe just try really hard to bite your tongue, keep calm & talk him round. It's not fair of him to change his mind this close to when your due to fly out to Athens. X

[hannahding]

This is a very difficult situation to be in. However, you really do need to make him realize that his behavior towards you is unacceptable. Also, tell him that the medication you have been taking did cost you money and if you don't go the money will all go in drain. One of the reasons why I have been finding a clinic which provides accommodation facility and is also comparatively inexpensive. A lot of clinics these days are just making money which is sad. Good luck to you. I hope things calm down and you can carry on with the process. Sending baby dust your way.

[CBOO1]

Thanks Girls, I know I’m not in the best place right now & probably a little (hormone drugs) crazy but I just feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall when it comes to this stuff with him. He’s immediately on the defensive that I’m being nasty, I’m not I just think we have more important things to be spending our money on right now but he doesn’t see it that way, it’s more important to give the child he already has what he wants!! Unfortunately this is always going to be our undoing, it always has been! He said we’ll still go this month because it’s all paid for but that if I wasn’t being so stubborn we could of waited & gone in January & made things easier for ourselves. I tried to explain that once we’d made up our minds to go in November that postponing to January felt like another door closing in my face, he said what difference would another 8 weeks make?!! Am I being irrational? Xx

[Aleelilook in reply to CBOO1]

No not at all! I’d be bloody fuming if I was you! 8 weeks can feel like a lifetime when we are going through/hoping to have treatment, and you have to take into consideration so many day to day lifestyle factors, that it can just take over, so yes 8 weeks does make a difference! Do you think he feeling guilty towards his son? Is he worried that his son will feel left out? Xx

[AnnieAnnie]

I think it's really unfair and hurtful of your bf to say those things to you especially with all you are having to go through and have already been through on this cycle. If he didn't want to do it he shouldn't have gone ahead with it. I wouldn't want to wait either, there is never a right time for all this and in January there may be something else that also makes it the "wrong time" to go ahead with. Maybe talk to him and try to come to a solution that works for everyone. Is there any way other family members can chip in to help pay for the iPad or purchase a secondhand one? There are other tablets that are great alternatives and a quarter of the price that do exactly same thing. I hope you find a way through it all so you can continue with this cycle. Best of luck xx

[CBOO1]

We’re mostly ok this morning - there’s a hint of uneasiness but we’ve sorted it out! I’ve been looking at reconditioned iPads & he has agreed that as long as they don’t look second hand he’ll go with that!

I called him the ‘C’ word!! I catagorically NEVER use that word!! 🙈 hormones raging much??!! 😆 xx

[Hidden in reply to CBOO1]

Hormones raging quite rightly. Does he actually realise what youbare putting your body and mind through for this. He needs a reality check quick smart. Also, there are not many children who would get an iPad for christmas. That's so expensive!! He needs to stop for a moment. Hopefully he will grow up.

Good luck and sorry for the rant. I really hope this works for you. The clinics in Greece have such good reputations xx

[Hidden]

Really sorry for what you are going through & hope you both manage to work through it together.

Can you not get the IPad on credit- I got mine pay monthly through 02? Might save you shelving out a load of money.

P.s I wouldn’t want to delay treatment either so don’t think you are being unreasonable. xoxo

[EmmaFoster1]

Hey there! I feel so bad for you. It's time to make your husband realize that he's not doing the right thing. You have spent a lot of money on all this. Don't worry about your hormones raging, it happens with all of us. It's a common thing. I just hope everything works out for you. Stay blessed!

[LeonaJordan]

Hi! I m so sorry to hear about your situation. You both really need to stick together if you want to get through this. You have to make him realize that this thing is important. You can buy the gift later. If he can't do that for you, so I m sorry dear, but that guy doesn't deserve you.