Struggling and waiting...Anyone out there in the Highlands???

[MaariMac]

Hi, this is my first post here. My husband and I have been trying for a child for around 5 years now with no success. I have endometriosis, PCOS, subclinical hypothyroidism and some mental health issues which makes the process of trying for a child even more nerve-wracking. I was recently on clomid but it made me more suicidal. We are now on the waiting list for the IVF clinic in Aberdeen, finally, although we now have to wait 6-7 months for an appointment. Is there anyone else out there in the Highlands going through or has gone through something similar???

I will be honest, I have lost sympathy and empathy towards pregnant women (those who can conceive naturally), women who already have children (naturally) and those that have lost children. I don't identify with them. I have already severed contact with friends and family who have children and want nothing to do with them at this time. I can't go to church anymore and my faith in God has gone down in recent years. Can anyone identify with this???

I am an only child and even my parents don't understand and don't know what to say to me now.

Although I am receiving some (temporary) mental health treatment, I know that having someone nearby who has or is going through the same thing as you is also a great help, but there aren't any support groups for this kind of thing anywhere in the Highlands that I've found.

Please... is there anyone up here who can help???

[LegoBatgirl]

Hi I'm really sorry, I'm no where near the highlands but just wanted to say welcome to the boards and best of luck with your treatment.

To take my mind off the wait for an appointment I started focussing on the things I could do to prepare for the treatment; reading IVF books, healthy eating and getting more exercise.

You're probably doing all the right things already but just wanted to suggest it as sometimes it helps to feel like you're more in control of your own destiny and not just waiting around.

[katya38]

Hi just wanted to send a reply as u sound very low. Im from Aberdeenshire originally although we live in prestwick. We did a cycle in glasgow although we are no longer going through ivf i still like to pop in!! I can empathise with your feelings as i too went through a very dark period. It is very difficult to see other pregnant women/ families buti wouldn't rule them out altogether esp family members. One day ull nd them. When i was going through ivf my sister and sister in law were both pregnant but now i love these 2 little girls they are amazing. Maybe try and plan a life beyond ivf, maybe try mindfulness or yoga. In terms of support i didn't find there was much out there for Scottish folk. Best support i found was this group even just talking to some Scottish people on here will massively help you. You ve been through a tough journey but there are people who will understand. Reach out to those around you too they will want to help. Good luck x

[MaariMac in reply to katya38]

Honestly, I’m afraid to think of life childless. I am considering suicide. I’ve been lonely most of my life and I don’t want to accept living with just my husband and some pets. Otherwise, travel. I’d like to travel, but we don’t have a lot of money and my husband isn’t keen on going to some of the places that i’d Like to go to, like Asia or South America.

[Aleelilook in reply to MaariMac]

Hello, I’m in London so no good on that front but just wanted to say hi, and that you’re not alone. This is a bloody hard journey to go on, there’s no dressing it up it can be heartbreaking.

I found This podcast thefertilitypodcast.com/ really helpful, just hear different stories from real people was great. Also like LegoBaygirl reading IVF books, getting healthy etc makes you feel a little more in control, and the nurse Diane on here is wonderful if you need some help.

Sending you lots of luck on this journey xxxxxx

[katya38 in reply to MaariMac]

Aw im so sorry u feel this way. I toohave felt despair and darkness during this journey and i also couldnt imagine a life without children. Its so so hard. Have u spoken to your husband? Im sure he and ur family would be devastated if anything happened to u. Would u and ur husband ever consider adoption.? Im i totally get its not for everyone but we re about to adopt a little girl and i have loved the Ad option journey. I have just felt such relief leaving ivf behind. If u ever want to message me please do. Xx

[forMoira]

Hi Maari,

I'm originally from the Highlands but I live in the South of England now. I do come home from time to time and may be home in August so maybe we could meet up. My situation is quite different from you as I'm a bit older (42) and also trying to have a family as a single mum. If you would like to be in touch send me a PM and I will send you my details.

I'm trying to think of ways that you could get in touch with other people in the same situation in the Highlands and think the best way might be to ask your friends if they know any couples in the same boat. It might also be worth reaching out to those friends with children who you no longer see and letting them know that you are struggling to have a child and that is why you need to step back from them. You never know, they might have friends who are doing IVF or infertility stories of their own.

It sounds like you are no longer taking Clomid and are now heading towards IVF. It may help you to know that I was offered Clomid by the NHS but my private IVF consultant advised against it. He said it wasn't a great idea to take it if I was planning IVF. I'm not sure why, but if you are no longer taking it, it might be for the best.

I hope you can find some supportive friends to help you on the journey.

[vic77]

yay you found us 😁whilst not face to face this support group is amazing and full of strong women always available to offer advice. I am in Scotland too but glasgow so nor so near..I have seen a few folk from up north on here. please know you are not alone and this journey is one of the most painful you will walk...your feelings are understandable and you have to protect yourself but also be careful not to isolate yourself. at times I feel I can't see my friends kids but then when I do they bring so much joy..I am sending you a huge hug so you know you are not alone xxxxx

[Jadiepops]

Hello. I’m from Aberdeen and currently going through ivf with the clinic. If you have any questions about there just give me a shout.

[abcgirl]

I’m in Aberdeen and fell pregnant on an FET cycle back in May. Im happy to answer any questions as well.

I’d also recommend the Aberdeen thread on FertilityZone.co.uk It’s one of the few active threads on that forum and a number of ladies post there who are or have cycled with the Aberdeen clinic. fertilityzone.co.uk/index.p...

[Cinderella5]

Hi Maari! I'm not in the Highlands but am in Scotland. Indertility is a lonely old business let me agree on that one. I rarely see friends, not really out of choice but they are all doing kiddie, family things and my friends meet up with each other at kids clubs etc which leaves me feeling left out. You should have access to a fertility counsellor when you start treatment which I think you should take full advantage of as at least they understand the struggles. This site has been a HUGE support to me and I hope you find it useful! The kindness is more than you receive from friends and family as we can all relate to what we are going through....pretty much all in the same boat! Welcome!xx