New and overwhelmed...

[medzed09]

Hi, I'm new to IVF and this forum but hoping it's a place to learn and share.

I am on day 8 of suprecur of a standard IVF cycle, we only get one go on the NHS locally. I can't really think ahead right now, and I am just taking each step as it comes. I have never been pregnant and I am a GP - which doesn't make it any easier. It means I have told fewer people about this journey as I think I'd feel more judged for it if I did share. Only my husband and a few close friends know.

Personally I've accepted this is what we have to do and I am trying to be positive, but feel quite nauseated and some days I think - this is just the VERY beginning, how on earth will I get to even egg collection!

Few beginner questions...

Should I plan ahead now as to what I would do if the first cycle doesn't work? So far I have just been avoiding this

What does BFN and BFP mean? and any other useful acronyms for the forum I need to know?!

Any one else right at the beginning like me to share with?

[Niki_B]

Hey medzed09...wellcome to the crazy ivf train!! I'd plan ahead if i were you...i HAD my first failed cycle/BFN in April. It's, well devastating to be honest. But I'm gearing up for round 2 in September....cant believe I'm doing this alllll over again. I don't know what I'll do if second round doesn't work as this is all the funding we get, and I won't have the money to pay it myself! So I got alot riding on this 😬 BFP is a big fat positive pregnancy test...BFN IS A Big ugly fat negative! Lol. Read the pinned post on the forum it will give you all the abbreviations get used to them or you will be lost lol. So I wish you well on your journey, for me it wasn't that bad physically..but emotionally. But we soldier on, I didn't think I could cope with doing it all again but yeah here I am. You will get lots of support from all the ladies on here, I'm grateful for this site cause here in New Zealand we don't really have anything like this. So best of luck, be strong and hang in there. I wish you lots and lots of baby dust! 😁😘😘

[medzed09 in reply to Niki_B]

Thank you nikib1980! My first reply (all the way from NZ!) and I already feel better Ah yes I can see what you mean about your second cycle. I'm feeling some emotional pressure with this one, because if we are not successful, but we do have embryos, then we would be paying for cycle 2 and I have no idea how much that wouldcost - so maybe I will start by finding that out from people on here to help me plan for what to do if I get a BFN!

That's for letting me know about the pinned post - I didn't realise there were more than the 5 pinned posts I could see so will check that out now. All the best in September... there is much waiting all round isn't there!

[Niki_B in reply to medzed09]

Sorry don't know about what to do if you get a BFN I would have thought like here of you have any to freeze that's counted as 1st round and all embryos that would be are held for 18 months so need to be used by then free of charge. But yes might be different inn the UK. But yes hun you will be fine! Like everyone saying it's the waiting that is the worst! So much waiting! not good for someone like me with no patience lol. But yes these lovely ladies including me will be here to help you or if you even just need to vent. I'll be looking out for your future posts 😊 xxx

[medzed09 in reply to Niki_B]

Thank you! I will ask about the frozen embryos when I'm next in, now you say that I think I read somewhere that all embryos from one cycle are part of the first round of treatment, but will check. That would be good news indeed. Thanks for your kind words, I am so pleased I posted, I feel I have something else to help me on this journey now, and I'll look out for your updates after the Summer! xxx

[Niki_B in reply to medzed09]

Yes for sure ask your clinic! Yeah I'm a bit gutted as I found this forum just after my BFN but luckily I had a friend of a friend who has been thru it, so was glad i had her as a support. She was one of the lucky ones who got preggers from the first pop! Her boy will be 4 soon 😊 yes well your summer my winter lol all going well transfer would be sometime in October stimming will start end of September when AF is due. Fingers and toes for both of us! 🤞🤞😘😘

[Franco81]

Hi Medzed!

I’m not right at the beginning but wanted to reply to assure you that we’ve all been there and sometimes just knowing others understand helps you not to feel so isolated. This site has been a wonderful support to me and anything you think/feel/experience will no doubt have been experienced by someone else which can be very reassuring.

Firstly I remember how daunting it all is at the beginning and I don’t know about you but my clinic never really explained everything fully (they were very happy to answer questions but I had no clue what I needed to ask!) so we kind of fumbled our way through with the support of the lovely ladies on here.

There’s no right or wrong as to how you prepare yourself emotionally (sorry forgot to mention I have had two failed cycles of ICSI and currently having a bit of a break while moving house before going for round 3 in later in the year - we too only had one on the NHS) but I would suggest trying to take each day at a time and focus on you, be really selfish and look after yourself. I didn’t find the meds as bad as I expected but the waiting was excruciating so if you can in any way relax into it and accept a day at a time, I’ve felt that helps keep me calm. There’s an app for mindfulness for fertility which you do each day and lots of ladies have said it’s helped them (although I haven’t actually tried it myself) so might be worth looking into. And whatever the result, you should get a follow up at your clinic (although be prepared for another wait!) so maybe if you’re finding it easier to just focus one day at a time, you can process the result then, but whatever you feel most comfortable doing.

Sending you lots of good luck and strength and fingers crossed you get your miracle

Sarah xx

[medzed09 in reply to Franco81]

Sarah - thank you!

I will definitely have a look for the app. I have meditated on and off in the past but lately thats gone out of the window! So mindfulness for fertility might be a good way to get back to it- thanks!

The advice about being selfish needs to be taken on board too

All the best with your move (now that' another stressful life event!) And then wishing you all the luck and magic in the world with a fresh round 3 xx

really appreciate your message

[Lovefood1984]

Welcome to the forum, everyone is super friendly and offer a lot of support (although I’m more what you call a lurker!) What people will tell you is no matter how overwhelming you find the process you will get through it and survive! I was dreading egg collection so took them up on the offer of a calming tablet for the night before to help me sleep and one for the morning, in all honesty I wonder what I worried about! For me it was slightly uncomfortable but not painful and the staff were great, before I knew it I was in recovery and then off home 😊 I’m lucky to live in an area that give 3 NHS goes. I can’t comment on what to do if it’s a negative as I’ve been one of the lucky ones that got pregnant first time with a 5 day blasto and 3 in the freezer, I’m currently 23 weeks (and baby is kicking me!) and although not enjoying pregnancy I am looking forward to seeing bubs (we chose not to find out what it was, as long as it’s healthy that’s all that matters to us). I’m also lucky that work were so understanding, I was fully functional on the drugs thankfully (if not a little bloated at the end) and I self certed for 5 days (egg collection was on a Monday and Tranfer was the Saturday) and then went back to work. I was fine by the Thursday (could bend without discomfort) however I didn’t want to be in work waiting for the phonecall to let me know if it would be a 3 day or 5 day and then having to rush off. Wishing you all the best x

[medzed09 in reply to Lovefood1984]

Thanks for your message Lovefood1984 (esp as you say you are more a lurker!). So fantastic that you were successful first go - congratulations! I have booked some time off work too well before egg collection as I'm not sure I could handle all that uncertainty either.It's nice to read your positive story and I hope your pregnancy is speedy and smooth - will be looking out for your updates! x

[Tugsgirl]

Welcome. Bfn is a big fat negative after treatment and bfp is the opposite, being a positive. On the one hand it’s good to take it one step at a time, less overwhelming that way but on the other hand it’s also good to have a backup plan. That way if you’re unfortunate in getting a bfn then you’ll still have some hope for the future, something to cushion the blow. We’ve all been there, the nerves, the excitement, even the dread. I’m just about to start preparing for my second fresh round and it doesn’t get any easier haha. You’ll be ok though. Us ivf ladies are made of strong stuff xx

Ps. A frozen cycle is generally much easier on the body and is roughly 1-2000 pounds.

[medzed09 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you Tugsgirl. That's useful info about price and FET too. I think I have been encouraged to be a bit more proactive now reading all your responses and I will start thinking about what what my options would be if first cycle fails. I feel like this will reassure me now - rather than make me feel more negative - I will have something to "cushion the blow" as you say if needed.

What an amazing forum of strong women, who share their low days and high days, and not just pretend it's all easy. I have learnt so much just reading around here today and feel much more understood already

[Tugsgirl in reply to medzed09]

That’s what we’re here for; highs and lows xx

[Hidden]

I don't know if I have any advice to add as you have lots of good messages on here. But wanted to wish you luck!!

Our consultant said not to plan for future cycles but I found it helped to take the pressure off - especially as we wanted to be realistic about our chances. But everyone is different.

Hope the rest of your treatment goes well for you.

Everyone here will support every step of the way.

Xxx

[medzed09 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you EB2001 - I thought not planning ahead was right initially but it has been nagging at me lately and now I know I just need all the info and options. Deciding to do that is a relief in itself. Thank you xx

[Hidden in reply to medzed09]

Yes I found it good. We even researched a clinic in Greece - went to see them in London and they had quite positive insights which we found beneficial. We didn't need to use it so far, but was a good experience to get different viewpoints.

Not being negative about this first cycle at all - but no harm to think of step B. You might not need it 🤞

Xxx

[PurpleH]

Hi Mededz,

I am also at the beginning, I'm having my pre treatment consultation next week, although I've been on the forums lurking mostly for quite a while.

I also live in an area where we only get one free round of IVF on NHS so I know how you feel.

I probably can't offer you much advice as as I say I haven't actually started treatment yet but just wanted to say Good Luck and let you know I'm at the same stage and in the same situation. I also haven't told very many people, i've told one family member, no friends and just those at work who absolutely need to know although I am considering at this stage telling a few more people.

We have talked about what we will do if this cycle doesn't work but we still don't really know and probably won't know how we really feel to we are there x

[medzed09 in reply to PurpleH]

Thanks for reaching out PurpleH. I have told one person at work (who sorts the rotas) to make it easier to rearrange things around scans and she has been very supportive and it's nice having one more person rooting for me. I think my family will be stressed by it and that won't help me so keeping it very low key for now.

So much luck to you xxx

[Apple87]

Hey 👋 I'm a newbie too. Happy to share the journey with you.

[medzed09 in reply to Apple87]

Hi Apple87 - great!

Goid luck x

[LegoBatgirl]

I joined a few weeks ago and everyone had been amazingly supportive. Joining this forum is one of the best things I've done to help get me through everything and I'm really glad you've found it too.

Just wanted to say best of luck with your journey x

[medzed09 in reply to LegoBatgirl]

Thank you LegoBatgirl - I feel like that too - very pleased I found you all! Very best of luck to you too xx

[Hidden]

Best wishes medzed09