Finally made our mind for donor conception (DE+ICSI+IVF)! :)

[Becca21]

I want to begin by thanking all the lovely ladies in here with the amount of hope and positivity you inspire.. through your posts, your success, your support.

We've finally decided to go on with donor conception - due to start on March 21st. It was really hard to come to terms with the donor part, however, after 2 failed IVF round (6FET including 2 chemical) we don't think there's hope in the third round with similar protocol.

Here's something I want to know: what is a more suitable option direct donor, clinic aided donor eggs or the biobank? Also, My younger sister volunteered to be the donor as well if I approve of it .. but I'm not sure if I should even consider that. I feel a bit of embarrassed and start self-pity if I attempt to discuss this out in real but the gene pool from family seems lucrative as well. I'm confused... terribly confused!

Feel free to pass on suggestions, recommendations questions that might help!

TIA

[Cinderella5]

Well done on making the decision to move forward with DE, its a huge decision so well done on that one. As for the donor part thats quite a personal decision. I know some people prefer to use family members as donors to continue the gene pool....some dont like the idea of having a close relative as a donor. How old is your sister? Ideally you want someone in their 20's for a donor or so I have been lead to believe. If you can get fresh donor eggs from your sister or if you choose a clinic then I think fresh is better than frozen from an egg bank but this is purely my preference and based on my research. Good luck with your decisions.xx

[Becca21 in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you so much for your suggestions and good wishes! She just turned 30 on November 16th. Yes, I've read that ideally, it's best to have someone in her 20's but then 30's who offered the help herself. We'll get the vitals checked anyway before moving on (so in case there's any inconsistency or doubt we can switch) - that's the plan for fresh DE. Gene pool isn't the priority success is but if it comes along with the gene pool that's fine with me I guess. Will keep in mind the caution note about frozen DEs.

[Cinderella5 in reply to Becca21]

I would reckon that's pretty good at 30, wouldnt knock that if tests all come back good! That's just my personal thoughts on frozen eggs but everyone thinks differently. We are hoping to transfer our 2nd lot of frozen embryos in April so we may end up doing treatment around the same time!!x

[Becca21 in reply to Cinderella5]

Yeah, we're counting on the tests too to eliminate the bad candidate if at all. I'll say your opinion is valuable since I did some digging on frozen vs fresh eggs and came out with the same conclusion... the lesser time it had been frozen the better. I hope it'll be same as my IVF otherwise only the extraction will be done on the donor and not me. Great to hear about your transfer, wish you all the luck in the world too! Yes, I guess we'll be having our cycle around the same time if everything goes well with selecting the donor and we don't have to make last-minute switches. Are you transferring OE embryos or DE embryos? The fertility journey becomes better with someone to share it with... glad to have had found you! Keep me posted.

[Cinderella5 in reply to Becca21]

The frozen embryo thing isnt an issue, just not heard great stories about egg freezing/defrosting. Yes that's usually how it works. They will sync your cycle with your donor (usually with the pill) and start to give you estrogen as your donor is stimulating to produce your eggs so the theory is your lining will be ready to go for transfer once the eggs have been harvested, fertilised and developed. Im using DE too after not doing very well in my own cycles.....feel free to have a root around my profile! It defo helps to have someone around to go through the stress of cycling thats for sure. I hope all goes well for you, will look out for your updates.xx

[Becca21 in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you so much for such a detailed account! I did found a couple of blogs online but hearing it from someone who've have had it is more reassuring and sounds bearable. I'd better add you on the first place... to stay connected all the while. Sending you love and good luck!

[TTCs]

Just wanted to reply to offer u the best of luck. Im sure it wasnt an easy decision but its wonderful us couples even have this as an option and i wish u every success! I wouldn't like to offer any advice re going with family donor or not as im sure u will make whatever decision is best for you 💞 xx

[Becca21 in reply to TTCs]

Thank you so much! yeah, it wasn't easy, none of it actually... the whole fertility road is an emotional roller coaster but we've got to walk in any way if we want to arrive at the destination. I guess having a baby is my priority right now and yeah I was a little reluctant about DE but if that's the only way, that's what I'll do.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Becca21. Just wanted to wish you huge luck with all of this wherever your donor eggs come from. I have got a huge album full of wonderful babies with their parents, conceived from donor eggs, which I love to look at regularly. Can't show it anyone because of confidentiality, so I'm afraid they're all mine!!! I shall be thinking of you both in the coming months. Diane

[Becca21 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you so much, Diane, for your prayers and good wishes! Your mentioning the album with donor egg babies with their happy parents is enough to boost my hope of success... that's more than what I could have asked for. I guess if everything goes well with the DE+IVF I'll soon be making such a family album for myself and my baby soon. fingers crossed

[Dunla]

Hi Becca, I know how difficult it has been for you both to come to this decision. I wish you so much luck as you move forward now with your treatment. I think the type of donor you want is completely up to each individual and should be something that both you and your partner are comfortable with. I think implications counselling could provide an opportunity for you both to consider the type of donor you might go for and help in your decision making. Very best of luck with it all xx

[Aleelilook]

Ah well done on making a decision, I found it really hard at first to come to terms with, but talking to the girls on here was great, and implications counselling and talking to my own therapist all helped.

It is such an individual choice, so there’s no right or wrong. We went to an egg bank at my clinic. I wanted frozen so I didn’t have to time my cycle, the less pressure the better for my nerves!!! We are now waiting for transfer tomorrow morning😬 It was strange because the moment my husband made his deposit as it were those embryos just felt like mine and his, I don’t feel redundant anymore!

This part now feels no different from previous cycles with my own eggs.

You could also look at the Donor conception network as that has lots of useful bits on it.

Best of luck xx

[Becca21 in reply to Aleelilook]

Thank you!

[smithy1986]

Hi Becca

You would need to pay for your sisters screening, egg collection, injections, medications etc. and on top of that you would need to pay for yourself as the recipient. It could get very expensive and its a huge thing for your sister to put herself through. You would have to ask yourself seriously if you are happy with the idea of your sister being around your baby for the rest of your lives without there being emotional implications. My sister in law was going to use her friend as a donor but ended up on the same programme that I'm on but with egg donation instead. She paid something like £18 grand, but they source the donor for you, send you abroad for your treatment under the care of a UK consultant, you get PGS and everything, and then if they don't have a baby after the treatment cycle she gets every single penny of her money back. It might not be to everybodys taste to do it that way but at least it eliminates the emotions between your family.

On the other hand, if you are both happy with that arrangement you should go for it, its such a wonderful thing for her to offer to do for you and very very kind. I hope you guys get exactly what you wish for, sounds like you've had a very traumatic time so far. xxx

[Becca21 in reply to smithy1986]

Thank you for suggesting that programme. Could you please provide me with the details in a personal message? I'd surely love to check the details and consider if it's suitable for us as well. Honestly, the later complications within the family and emotional aspect have crossed my mind too which is where I stumbled to come up with a clear decision and turn in for help from you all. The only thing that gets me inclined towards my sister being the donor is the gene pool.. we share the somewhat the same. Plus, all 3 of our sisters look quite similar (the same brunette hairs, a prominent jawline and Snub nose (small nose, a slightly rounded silhouette with a subtle upward slope at the tip) which is why I hope the baby will have some of my features too. We can't certainly work a legal contract within the family for sure but I guess you understand where the craving to let my sis be the donor is coming from.

We've done our calculations and financing won't be an issue as of now if we don't have to repeat the process.. hope we don't have to. Huhh! I don't know haven't quite made up my mind yet but we'll have to decide something quick.. time's running out on us.