As I wait for my IVF consultation appointment I am stuck on whether I should tell my work about my upcoming treatment. I have been informed that there is no waiting list so my treatment will start straight away.
I have currently been at my job 7 months (passed my probation) however I'm not sure how they will take this. I'm a home carer so it's a lot of manual handling and driving long distances!
I would love the support from work which will make me feel more relaxed however at the same time if I'm unsuccessful it would be hard talking about it and then everyone knowing as it can be a gossip place at times!
Advice, thoughts and experiences are all welcome! Xx
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Chantelle07
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Hi, I had that dilemma as well. I ended up telling one of my three male bosses and two other colleagues (who were v supportive). My boss's wife did IVF so he was v understanding. He was on holiday during my second IVF so didn't bother telling him the second time and fortunately all my scans were first thing so managed to get away with not telling my other bosses. I was worried about whether to tell work but kind of glad I did as I didn't want to add to the stress of IVF by worrying about it. Good luck xx
Thank you for your reply, that's good that they had knowledge and understanding of it beforehand! Yeah it's the stress and worry I don't want with it all, I'm thinking more along the lines of telling them... need to pluck up the courage haha! Xx
Hey, I think this is such a personal choice. I'm a carer to and have been honest with my work mainly because as you say the manual side of it especially in the 2ww. If you feel close to your manager maybe you could just confide in them, I think their support does help during treatment as sometimes scans can be needed within a couple of days and it just gives you a little more flexibility without having to keep saying you've got a doctor apt of trying to think of excuses. Good luck on what you decide xx
Thank you for your reply, that was my biggest worry! I don't want to be doing too much in the 2ww, as you know it can be a demanding job. I'm thinking more towards telling them because as you say it's their support, I just worry about their reaction to it all although they are aware that I have blocked tubes and PCOS. Time to get the courage to tell them now! Xx
It's a hard thing to tell but I felt once it was 'out there' it was like a weight had been lifted. Its such a personal journey and most people don't announce to their work their trying for a baby so I understand why some people choose not to tell them. I'd like to think as a company that cares for other people they'd be supportive, my work have been great as I also do some house work for people and their like don't over do it with hoovering in the beginning etc xx
Hello, i agree with E_05 its a personal choice, i have been very open with everyone about what im going through work, friends, family ect I see it in a way as more support and i also think its a different sort of support from your partner. When i first started IVF i didnt know anything about it and would be googling everything, i found it helped a lot that people knew at work as i would sit there and talk to them about it pretty much all day everyday! AND still do they must be bored to death haha!! but again they have been such a strong support for me and even if it is just that they sit there and listen to you it all helps believe me When i first started my job my friend i started with knew everything then she became my manager so she knew everything anyway and my work have been so good with me especially because of scans appointments ect at such short notice!
Thank you for your reply, your advice and personal experience has made me want to make this decision even more now! I'm at that stage now googling everything and having people to listen to you whether they have advice or not it's still a massive relief. Thank you xx
Thank you for reply, that all makes perfect sense and seems like a big weight lifted! I haven't looked at the policy's actually but that's something I will do today!! Thank you xx
When I was having my IVF journey, I notified only my senior managers, but I didn't say a word to my colleagues. Managers don't ask many questions, as they don't see me often But I'm sure that some of my colleagues would not be able to understand and might have said something painful or given me pitiful glances, that's why I decided to keep silent with them. But it really depends on the kind of people you work with. If you are more lucky with them, you can share and be afraid of nothing
Thank you for your reply, that's exactly what I was thinking about my colleagues! As I'm still fairly new as they don't know my journey so far I didn't want it to be a gossip place for them with opinions against me or pitiful glances.. however it could be the complete opposite I just don't know at the minute. I think telling my senior managers is definitely my first step so it takes pressure off with my appointments etc xx
Hi. I didn't want to tell my employer about what I was going through, so I took time off for all the check ups (or I had the earliest appointment before work so I could do both!) and then asked my doctor to sign me off for 2 weeks after the transfer.
I found that my employer wasn't very sympathetic or understanding about such time off - but why wound they be? They didn't understand my reason!
Other people I know who were open with their employer had good experienceservice by telling them. But then I've also heard gossiping at another workplace about someone who was undergoing IVF. I just didn't want that risk.
Good luck. Do what's good for you. If you feel like your employer will keep your privacy then it might eliminate the extra stress of it all (I did find it stressful doing early appointments and keeping it to myself).
I've totally contradicted myself in my response but just wanted to share my experiences.
Thank you for sharing your experience! This is what I thought I would do originally as I find my employer seems that way too. However I don't think I would be able to get all the time off for all appointments, I was told I would have around 6 appointments in one cycle? So much to consider really xx
Having read all the other responses, everyone sounds very positive about being honest! They are obligated to respect your privacy and keep it confidential.
And talking from personal experience, it was very hard not having people to talk to - Google can just make you worry more, but it's all you have if you're secretive like me! It might help if they understand what you're going through.
I've had 2 cycles & haven't told my work anything. All of our appointments were first thing in the morning before work so didn't really have an impact.
I have a desk job so don't have the same issues as you do with work. The one thing that would make me advise you to tell work is that during the 2ww, provided you have told your employer then you will be covered under pregnancy policies & regulations so if anything happens then you, good or bad, that you need time off work then you don't need to worry about being disciplined for absence. Good luck for your cycle x
Hi Channelle. The first part of the treatment is easy so you can keep it to yourself but you will need to think that once you have your eggs collected and embryo transfer you will need to take it easy. I don't know how physically demanding your job is, but they advise not to lift anything and take it slowly for at least two weeks to allow the implantation to happen. Can you talk to someone in HR? Or is your manager someone who you can have an open discussion with? I wish you all the best x
Hello Dee, do you know when your appointments are in advanced or is it all quite last minute? I have never really had an open discussion with my manager she doesn't seem to be very sympathetic and isn't around much! I was considering telling my supervisor and taking it from there, I would just hate if it didn't go down well and they turned different with me xx
I dont know what stage you are at ay the moment but usually on your visit when they teach you how to inject yourself they will give you the plan for your treatment with dates. But initially you need to let them know of your first day of your period ( if you haven't done that yet) and based on that they will tell you when you'll start the downregulation and very step thereafter. Have you seen anyone yet?
I'm just waiting for my very first consultation so I don't know anything about the appointments after like when and how many etc.. I don't actually have periods due to PCOS. So nervous for the injections also! Xx
It won't be very many appointments but as they say, each treatment is different depending on the patient. Injecting is easy. Trust me I was very worried too. It is more the idea that you have to do that to yourself than the actual pain. One small advice which I learned on my own skin, don't go near the belly button as that area is painful. You will be fine. Just think how many babies are born through IVF and the women that had to do the same as you. Stay positive and embrace every moment. Good luck and stay in touch xx
I'm currently in the early stages of my first round of IVF I've been up front and told my manager as I've decided to take a few weeks off whilst I have treatment I live in the Midlands but work in Manchester and felt it would be too much commuting back and too ! One of the things the consultant said to us was that you need to be as stress free as possible and if work stresses you out take some time off. Wishing you lots of luck x
Yeah that is a lot of travelling, I live in the midlands too! My job can be around 90 miles driving a day and quite a fair bit of manual handling... work can be demanding and stressful at times so probably is best I'm honest with then! I just worry how they will take it as I have only been there 7 months, they don't know my previous history and they are struggling for staff. Wishing you lots of luck!! xx
I'm in a similar situation my job can involve moving and handling, if anything the travelling alone can put a strain on you in lucky my mum lives in Manchester so once I've had treatment I'm gonna stay with her during the 2ww. Work should be understanding regardless of how long you've worked there. I work in the NHS and it was shocking that when I spoke to HR about having time off they didn't really have an answer of how they'd accommodate it (there is a special leave policy in place) in the end my manager was really understanding and said it's an opportunity I can't afford to mess up and just to get a sick note - the relief of not having going to work has done wonders for me x
How long did you stay off for? Just the 2ww or during the treatment also? That's very handy for you which is good! I'm employed by the NHS and work for the county council, I'm hoping they are understanding when I talk to them but they just don't come across that way. I tried looking at the policies yesterday but there was just so many, I will look at the special leave one today! Hope all goes well for you xx
I'm off at the moment I started treatment on 23rd August - I took annual leave from the 23rd for a week and a bit and now I've got a sick note for 4 weeks which started on Monday if all goes to plan I've calculated 4 weeks should be enough to cover my treatment. I'd like to have some time off during the 2ww but I'm gonna go have to go back to work early October cos of staffing issues in my department x
That's really good you have got so much time off! I bet it's such a weight lifted for you and can relax more. I can't wait to start all my treatment, I'm more anxious waiting for it to start as it's just all the unknown at the minute. I wish you all the very best, will be following your story for sure xx
In the end I told work this was the time I was having off as this treatment is more important than work! I was really excited to start too - which hospital are you under? Wishing you lots of luck - keep in touch let me know how you get on x
I have been very open and honest with my bosses and colleagues we are a team of 15 and I have told them all as some days I sit at my desk with a face like fizz, other days a blubbering wreck and others I'm my "normal" self. They have all been so understanding and know my bad days and are so supportive of the whole situation.
Down to personal preference though and how comfortable you feel about people knowing your business. I have never told anyone what our problem is and never will all they need to know is that you are going through a very difficult time in your life and need support x
I was also worried about this. I had my letter for my first consultation at the ivf clinic yesterday so knew I had to bite the bullet and do it today. I'm a teacher so needed to tell my head teacher. I suppose I feel slightly guilty about the time I will need off, leaving others to cover me.
Anyway, my head couldn't have been nicer! She listened and wished me luck.
I hope that whatever you decide to do it goes well.
Thank you this is exactly how I feel! Currently waiting for my letter but I'm unsure how much notice I will have until my 1st appointment. I'm going to have to brave it too!
Glad it all went well for you, wish you all the luck xx
I am in a different position. I am currently interviewing for about 2-3 jobs and I am definitely not going to be telling anyone that my oh and I are doing IVF as that is definitely not conducive to employment....yes, I know it is illegal to discriminate against women who are trying for a child in the workplace but believe me, they find a way of doing it.
Hell, we are not even telling my o/h family but that is a different story altogether. Purely on a health and safety issue, if you are handling patients and lifti g etc, they may need to know as it protects you in the workplace!
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When i first started my job my friend i started with knew everything then she became my manager so she knew everything anyway and my work have been so good with me especially because of scans appointments ect at such short notice! 
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