I really didn't prepare myself for how hard bad news at 7 week scan would be. Neither of us did.
I've drunk Gin. I've stayed up until 7.45am... 2am... danced, laughed and let all my hair down. Including putting about 8lbs on!
We're not starting again just yet. I've been met with feelings of 'just give up' it's not bad without a child... at the same time as 'weeping nearly every time I see that blinkin' pampers advert for premature babies!
This is a rough journey. Mr Emu doesn't want to plan anything for this side of Christmas. Which is hard to understand but completely understandable.
Where is everyone in their journey? Feel like I've loads to catch up on xx
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emu2016
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You have been a noticeable miss on the site emu xxx
I'm so sorry for what you went through. Take the time to repair and heal and hopefully the plans of 'what next' will be a natural progression..... that pampers advert gets me too
I have started my treatment now and am terrified how I'll cope with the negatives.... But you and the other ladies have shown so much strength that I hope I will be able to cope too whatever the outcome...
Awwww Rainbow. That's so nice to read. I wasn't sure what use I'd be to anyone. Like I'd failed so my advice would be useless.
Don't be frightened. You've so much to handle... take each step at a time... don't try and predict anything. And remember to use all us ladies for help and support. xxx
Aww of course not you have never failed.... your one of the strongest people I know.... this surely has to be the worst thing a person can go through....
Take care..... and I really hope your next chapter comes with your deserved happy ending. Look after each other xx
Lovely to see a post from you, been thinking of you. Gin doesn't solve everything but it certainly helps alot 🙂 this is such a difficult journey, you know that more than most, the one positive is, as a couple you're stronger for it! Thinking of you guys xx
We are definitely stronger! Definitely definitely. Who knows where we'll go. But for now; for the first time in a while - I realised I missed you all xx
Hey lovely!! It's so nice to hear from you. That bloody pampers advert has a lot to answer for, its not just you!! I'm really glad to hear that you've managed to let your hair down and drown your sorrows amongst hopefully enjoying yourselves too!!
I'm in the midst if planning our first DE journey! Just booked flights today....havent got round to posting yet as we're away at a family funeral but I couldn't read and run!!xxx
You're allowed to be weepy!! I've really missed you on here....you're such a strong character and your presence has been sorely missed!!😘 Grand to have you back!!xxx
Welcome back - I hope you tried lots of nice gins!!! X you need to take the time to look after yourselves first. It's such an emotional journey that no-one can really prepare you for unfortunately. I have just had my 1st injection of Gonal-f tonight for our second cycle.
Ooooo exciting! How are you feeling? It's nice to be back. Not finished drinking gin though. xx
So good to see you back missed you loads. Glad you have been able to drink gin, dance and laugh best therapy going. Defo no rush for whatever you decide is next xxx
Nice to have you back x we all have to take the time we need and when the time is right to do what you both want I'm sure you will be ready then x Good for you to have some time for yourselves x Try to keep Hope xx
Hey Mrs Emu! Glad to see you're back...I've missed your posts!! 😁 Hope you're ok and have enjoyed all the gin and the dancing...thats exactly what I needed after my bfn which wasn't half as bad. Its nice to have a break from all things ivf...a lot of us have done the same but we're always drawn back to this site eventually...x x x
Totally! I used to be a bit of a Facebook addict but I don't have time for that anymore...I much prefer checking in with the gang here and seeing how everyone's doing. They're such a great bunch xxx
I'm rarely on FB these days. Crazy considering I have a team who look after social media at work!! Everyone here is lovely!
It's lovely to see you posting again little chick!! 🐣 😘
Ahhh the joys of gin, mothers ruin! 🍸
Stimming at the mo; EC on Tuesday, so will retox when feeling slightly more chipper!
We took over 12 months off from cycling and in some ways it was the best thing for us, tough all the waiting but in hindsight it was right. When the time is right to try again, if you are ready too, you will both know. Hope MrEmu is doing ok?
I admire women who can get going so quick! I just couldn't do it. Mr Emu less so. He says he never wants to see me so heartbroken again. It's always a gamble in this life though , eh?
It's nice to be back. Lovely to hear it's nearly EC time! One day at a time lovely xx
After recurrent miscarriages, the quick start up got knocked out of us to be honest!
Miscarriage is absolutely heartbreaking, for both of you 🤗
Hubs recently told me that he felt guilty watching me, but the grief was very much shared. It's tough for men they aren't generally engineered to be as open emotionally as women...
And you're right, it is a gamble but sometimes that gamble does pay off 🤞🤞🤞 Best of luck chickey! I shall look forward to seeing your entertaining posts!! 😘😘😘
I like what you're doing; relaxing, not being so hard on yourself, trying to enjoy life again.. I know how hard it is. Take as much time as you need. We're all here for you xx
To be honest at times I wonder myself but I don't feel like I have much of a choice. If I want a baby then I have to do everything within my power to do so before it's too late for me xx
I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were holding up after all you've been through. You were one of the first people who responded to my very first post and you were so kind and supportive. Like everyone here I was so upset for you. You've also been really sorely missed.
Dancing and gin sound like an excellent way of keeping your head above water.
You might find the site has changed a bit since you were last on here - very soon now you are bound to have someone respond to your message telling you not to lose faith as their aunt had a miracle baby at a wonderful clinic in the Ukraine - it is very cheap and they speak very good English and the queues are very short too... Hampshiregal has a few good posts on it all! Xx
All good so far thanks - 9+3 pregnant. Had a pretty awful cycle, with OHSS, but if it sticks it will obviously all be worth it. I am still only whispering the word "pregnant" in my own head and haven't quite admitted it to myself. I know just how precious and fragile it is, so am just hoping to get through these 12 weeks. X
Welcome back Emu. I followed your journey but had not long rejoined the site.
This really is the hardest thing in the world. The fact that you could dance and have gin, shows an inner strength i'm not sure I could have had. Seems to me you are a lot stronger than you think. I had years of these feelings before being lucky with IVF, but those feelings I still remember, very cleary - I became so accustomed to the sheer terror of it, then putting a brave face on, then feeling ok about my life, then back in the circle again.
You'll know when the time is right for you and I can strongly sense that you will be strong enough to try again. I know it's not easy.
It's good your job allows you to escape. It chimes with what Max Erhmann said in Desiderata; 'Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time'.
I left my career but mainly because I was so ill with endo and just didn't recover from surgeries well. But I missed my friends there so much. I felt I gambled every thing due to endo, my career, my ability to have children. Cruel disease but i did get there in the end, after nearly 10 years of trying.
Aw emu! Nice to see you back 😊 We all need time away at times to do exactly what you have and it's good for the soul to do just that and so nice to live life normally again!
My last cycle with my own eggs was a bfn, so now awaiting appointment for DE in a couple of weeks and also going to adoption open evening next week to see if they can say more about my hubbys health and if we could adopt if we wanted.
Completely get where your coming from re the pampers advert and the complete flip side of life without kids feeling. This week I've felt the most normal I have in months and must admit it did cross my mind about life not being that bad without kids, but know next week I'll be thinking the opposite!
Enjoy your time till xmas and dance and party as much as you want! Xx
Hey you! I'm still enjoying my hair letting down moments! Sorry your cycle was a bfn with your own eggs... it's a horrid feeling. But...Good luck for your DE appointment! xx
Lovely to hear ur doing ok emu. Sounds like u've had a rough ride lately. Important to take time to ur self to recover. Glad u and mr emu have had some fun, a chance to let ur hair down.
I'm with u about the pamper ad. Breaks my heart every time.xxx
Hey Emu, so good to hear from you. Oh that pampers advert.... such a tear jerker for me too! It's hard to say exactly when is the right time to go again isn't it, I just hope you're doing ok (and Mr Emu). I've just had first results from NK Cells biopsy at Coventry... within normal range... second biopsy later this month hopefully, then using last embie October-ish.... all my results are 'normal', no reason why I keep miscarrying.... very frustrating but got to keep going. I've booked a session with a counsellor for next week to talk things through as I do struggle sometimes xxxx
It does take so long. I'm a year on from a miscarriage and know there is no more chance with my eggs. Last night I cried after our friends left cos I hated seeing my husband cuddled up with their toddler when I can't give him that. Even this forum has been too much for me lately - people still having the chance with their own eggs or getting pregnant.
Just give yourself all the time you need and do what you need to do to make you feel better. x
Awww Mantaray, sounds like you're struggling. It's so hard. And it's a real hard blow when you have to come to terms that you can't use your own eggs. Do you think you'll consider DE? Thinking of you x
Its a big step to take. You naively think at the beginning that IVF will work because you don't want to contemplate the alternative.
I will use DE, probably Spain but gonna take some time out for emotional, physical and financial reasons. I currently live in New Zealand and to do it here is a crazy cost with limited donors. We plan on coming back to the UK in the next year.
Welcome back...you have been missed! I'm glad you've had 'you' time again and been able to relax a little! We're all here for wherever your journey will take you next!! xx
Aww thanks. Definitely not ready yet. But nice to be here x
Welcome back. I'm sorry for everything you've been through, I can't imagine how hard it's been for you both. Glad you've managed to let your hair down for a bit.
Our 2nd IUI failed on Wednesday which is disappointing. We're doing our last cycle this month before our 1 shot of funded IVF! Eeeek! Hoping it's 3rd time lucky though!
Welcome back 😊 I have missed you Emu2016. So sorry about your loss. Glad t hear you are feeling better. I wouldn't want to have treatment round Christmas either the pressure if it worked or not too much!
I had a laparoscopy in June which endometriosis was found and treated after 5 years and 10 months we were diagnosed for the infertility! Happily we conceived the first month of trying we were gobsmacked!!! Sadly I had bleeding last weekend so I have a scan booked at the Early Pregnancy Unit when ill be 6 weeks. Still have symptoms I hope that is a good sign 😐 Scan is this Friday 😮 xoxo
Oh goodness! Hang on in there! 6 days to go! Hope you're getting lots of relaxing in. So pleased you had you laparoscopy after all this time! Fingers and toes crossed for Friday x
Hi emu welcome back it's so good to hear from you again. We all need time and space away from it all from time to time too process things in your own way as no one can prepare you or forsee how events will unfold. I think it's only naturally to have mixed emotions on what to do next but I'm sure you and Mr emu will find your way together xxx
Hello Guru...lovely to see you again!! I can't imagine how crap the past few weeks have been 😢 Have often thought of you and knew, despite your great loss, that you would come back fighting!
OH MY WORD. I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR ONE OF YOUR POEMS! EVERY TIME! TEARS EVERY TIME! Honored to get a poem. Massive love to you. Didn't watch any Friends today - no adverts! Thanks for missing me. Missed you too x
You've just come back and I made you cry...I'm surprised I've not be struck off this forum!!!! Big hugs back at ya love and welcome back, normal order has now been restored and I feel a sense of calmness unfold with your presence!
All the luck and good vibes in the world coming right at ya, catch them, go forth and show everyone what you're made of...Ms Dy-na-mi-tee!!! Xxx
Aww Well I don't think I have any amusing posts up my belt. But I'm hoping I can be here for those who need me and find comfort from you lovely lot when I need it as ever.
You won't be struck off. I LOVE your poems to me! How's everything with you? xx
Glad my dud amateur poetry gives some light relief in the darker days!!
I'm ok thanks for asking love. DE collection last week, resulting in 6 little-uns having lotsa fun in the freezer right now while I desperately battle trying to calm my endo down to create a homely little environment for one to pop in to. No transfers yet, it's a very hostile environment, one I wouldn't even want to send my best soldiers into!!! Huge boost having some Day 5 embies frozen, we never got that far ourselves so it's a step forward, just too scared to take that next step as my body's wrecked!!! Xxx
Eeeeeeeep! Well I'm glad to hear there's a party going on in a freezer! LOVELY!!! Now, how will they make you less hostile? Have you tried writing a poem for it?! x
I think my other half is secretly v smug knowing we've finally got some day 5's! frozen! I wanted to blame him as well as myself but knew all along my endo blasted eggs were the real problem!! I'm finally coming to terms with that fact after 6 or so long years stubbornly trying!
As for reducing the war zone inside me...I've seen the best surgeon in the world & done everything I can battling over 15 years, nothing left to try so it's in the hands of the gods and goddesses now! Hopefully someone up there listens & shines down on us both.
Need more chocolate for inspiration for my next poem, can only do one a week, it takes a lot out of me!!
Hi Hunni, I've missed you. I'm glad you're back, but also glad you took some time away for yourself. I'm currently in the 2ww!! I did test this morn 8dp5dt but it was negative 👎 I will wait and do another in a few days but gut feeling is telling me we will be heading for round 3!!
Unfortunately we are in the hands of the gods and what will be will be, I am as desperate to get my sister her little baby as I was to have any of mine so just have to keep going and try! Sending lots of you to you and your hubby. Xxx
Hello fellow small hour drinker/dancer. Good to be back. Big hugs x
Hi emu2016
Sorry to read your sad post but never give up . I lost my baby embryo at 8 weeks ( 3 months ago ) and totally wasn't prepared for it to go wrong . My world came crashing down as like you I wasn't prepared for it to go wrong . I've cried and drank just like yourself also put weight on and thought how could I do it again but I am . Started meds again 2 days ago and I'm in a good place right now . I have told myself to be positive but also be prepare incase it doesn't work then it won't it me as hard . Hun just take as much time as you need and when you feel ready you will start treatment again . Sending you big hugs and don't give p 👍
Hey lovely 😘how funny that I haven't been on here either but the first time I do yours is the first post I see! I can imagine it's been so hard for you but I'm glad you've been able to be 'normal' (whatever that is where infertility is concerned) I do the same after failure or loss in this process..go out, usually to see a band I love, dance, sing my heart out & enjoy a few tipples. It's so important to have fun together like you used to before infertility s*** 😏
I can totally understand your hubbys thoughts but it's hard to not have some sort of plan isn't it. Would you be starting a full cycle abroad again if you do it all again?
We've decided not to do anymore treatment, it's just too hard and I'm pretty sure my endometriosis is causing the implantation issues/chemical pregnancies..and it isn't going anywhere so we have to be realistic. We've decided to adopt and have booked a few information evenings with different agencies next month. We can't actually start the process till November so we'll be doing more reading and making some improvements to our home first. Like ivf it's scary and I have my wobbles on it, but also exciting and we feel positive about it being right for us now. We didn't know we would feel this way but infertility is so life altering, you have to roll with the changes!
I really hope you get where you want to be emu, however and whenever that comes about. Keep smiling, you've made so many people on here do just that! Xx
Yes! You're right! I think it's the lack of plan! I find that hard. No matter what the plan is I just want it! How have you found the adoption process so far? It's weird as I now get closer to working out what to do next adoption (which I've always said I will happily move to) now scares me. Lovely to hear from you xxx
Welcome back Emu! I'm glad you've been having some fun and are taking your life back for a while from this painful journey. It's important to get some balance in. After our bfn I had one night on the town and really needed it. I would have needed longer after what you have been through for sure though. I can't imagine how tough that would be. You're a very strong lady!
It's important to only try again once you're ready and to have some fun together in the meantime. We are getting ready for a FET after a dilation procedure next week. I've planned alternative holidays depending on whether or not the FET works - if it doesn't work (China) and if it does (Wales). I need something big and special to look forward to if it doesn't and I would definitely be letting my hair down and having a boogie and doing all the stuff I can't do at the mo and haven't been able to do for some time - eating lots of cake and drinking lots of coffee and wine and having a break until next year. It's good to hear from you. Look forward to hearing your funny stories xx
Gosh, it's coming soon your FET! I've had more than one night on the town I can tell you! It's nice just to be me again if I'm honest. But I know that there's still something missing. I think a BFN is just a painful my dear. It's a journey hard for us all. Loving your holiday choices! x
Yes it's pretty speedy. I think I'm ready though - or as ready as I can be. It won't be til next month. Got to have dilation next week first and have an HRT round - already started. The fear hasn't set in yet but I know it's coming. Going to try to be a bit more level headed this time around while hoping for the best.
I don't think I could do another round after this one without a break and a serious bit of me time and nights out!
Enjoy your time out and holiday planning with Mr Emu xx
So sorry. The same happened to me and I think it's only just hitting me nearly two months on. We are ploughing ahead with the next FET as I think if I don't I wouldn't ever have the strength to do it again. If this doesn't work, we won't do another cycle. It's all so unfair. I think letting your hair down is probably a good thing. Take care xx
Heeeeey xxx I've been absent for a while too and just returned following a lovely message from another member on here. Reading back through my previous posts I was so negative! So I'm glad I stayed off I was a right grumpy hag! Haha. Anyway, back on track for now. Hopefully having our frozen embryo transfer in the next couple of weeks depending on what scans say on Monday anyway. Not getting my hopes up too much just yet in case it all goes sideways again come Monday and we have to hold off for months again. Time is one of the hardest things about this process.
Anyway, enough about me!
I hope you're okay, I don't really have any magical words for you it's crap what you've been through, and my heart really does go out to you. You're one heck of a strong woman though I think we all are in here 💪🏼 (despite definitely not always feeling that way! We are!)
Let us know how you progress with things and everyone's here for you xxxxxxxx sending lots of love xxxxx
So sorry to hear about your loss. I've had two m/c. My journey is not at all what what I expected when I started ivf. I'm three weeks post de fet (1st time de). I hate the pampers ad.
I managed to pick myself off the floor after my blighted ovum and trying to get on with normal things, starting with getting myself out of bed. I remember being in the kitchen listening to the radio and the Elton John song came on, 'baby got blue eyes' and I just sobbed my heart out.
Hey Hampshire... How are you feeling? One day at a time? Can't imagine having a second m/c. It's a manic world this ivf world. Some days I want to get off the ride. Some days I think I'll miss what comes next if I do xx
Yes, I can't believe I've been doing ivf for nearly three years. Well needed breaks in between. I'm on my 4th cycle. I've so much respect for the ladies on 6th or 7th try.
I'm currently 3 weeks post de fet and waiting for the scan on 16th August. I'm not sure how I'll pick myself off the floor again, if it doesn't work out. As you said one day at a time x
I'm with you on that. 6 or 7 times is like some kind of replica warrior woman! Well it feels that way. I guess if you're in it it feels different. Lots of luck. I'll be watching out for your news x
You have been missed. I have been thinking of you and was wondering how you are. I was actually thinking of you yesterday.
Thank you so much for the post and sharing this with us all. I'm glad to hear you and Mr Emu are managing to share a smile and laugh within this cruel world of infertility.
Please look after yourselves. Sending you lots of love xx
It's so lovely to hear I've been missed! I didn't really expect to receive such love upon return! It's nice taking our time; but we're finding ourselves chatting a bit more about our options now which is nice. And chatting about a holiday! x
I basically planned my summer for BFP and summer for BFN. I didn't plan a BFP and then sadness. So I just instigated the BFN plan - but it never had a holiday for me and Mr Emu in it! x
Nice to hear from you, but also sad to hear your news. I was so happy for you before.
My second cycle failed spectacularly this week with just one egg that wasn't even good enough for them to try to fertilize. I took it really badly, mostly because on the last cycle my eggs were surprisingly good. I hope your devastation doesn't last too long and your relationship is strengthened by going through so much together.
I remember that particular devastation of egg collection not fertilising last year. Ultimately they're all a devastation of loss. Take time to take stock and keep close to your other half xx
Hi emu, have missed your posts. So sorry for all you have been through. You and Mr Emu seem like such a wonderful, supportive couple to each other. I am glad you have been having some fun too.
I started sniffing suprecur on Friday, feeling pretty rubbish but know it's a necessary process for the greater good. Hopefully only 80 sniffs to go then injection time.
Big hugs, I lost a pregnancy in march so I understand how hard this is. If age hadn't been on my side I'd have taken longer off, but only had 3 months then did a fresh cycle. Currently 7+4 had a scan just hoping everything continues ok. Like you I was ready to give up, whilst desperately wanting to try again all at the same time! But time out to sort your head out Is key! Xx
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LOVELY!!! Now, how will they make you less hostile? Have you tried writing a poem for it?! 
This is my true family… all of you…! ❤️
4th cycle BFN- what now -41 years young 
3rd transfer (fourth cycle) - game over 
All over.....
