When will it be our turn 😔

[Kjones3]

I took a little break from here after having my transfer cancelled due to OHSS... I thought I'd finally come to reason with why it wasn't the right time, and that it was only a little pause unlike the massive halt I initially felt... but today I'm feeling lost, really low and wondering will it ever be our turn to celebrate a new addition.

I recently found out a friend had fallen pregnant- amazing news as she had a miscarriage after trying for a few months... so I really am over the moon for them, no ill feelings at all. And whilst I am still so excited and happy for them, today was the 12 week scan and the big announcement to everyone- it's crushed me all over again, I feel so upset and like this long road for us is never ending- will we ever get to make that amazing announcement?! I've told my partner how I feel today, and he's shrugged it off and said that we should just be so happy for them as they've been through the mill with their first born and trying to conceive this time... but he doesn't seem to understand that my negativity isn't taking away my happiness for them, and I would never show them how I am feeling.

Does anyone else ever get like this and have something to help pick them back up again please?

[_MrsC]

Honey it's totally normal to feel that way. My hubby says the same as yours. He says he feels guilty if he doesn't feel happy for others which I get but it just isn't the same for the guys.

I'm so sorry you're having a rotten day. I totally understand the whole but I've been really patient and I've done what I'm meant to and I'm really responsible and I will do everything I can to make a child have a happy and safe environment thing. I think we all do on here. It doesn't detract from others' happiness but just highlights the hole that has not been filled in our families.

Take one step at a time. Feel happy for your friends but disappointed for yourself. This is normal for us. It doesn't make us bad people. It is just because we have a whole lot of love to give to a child we don't yet have.

Big hug.

Vic xxx

[Kjones3 in reply to _MrsC]

You're completely right, how I feel about our situation doesn't detract from anyone else's happy situation; he reaction almost made me feel guilty for feeling how I did, and self centred 😕

Yes I have to keep reminding myself that we have so much to give and hopefully step by step we will get there 🤞🏼

Thankyou for your kind words, I hope you're doing ok x

[Hidden in reply to Kjones3]

No its not self centred to feel that way. Its understandable as you want that for you but its hard to come by.

[Tugsgirl]

I'm the only one now in my circle of friends to not have a baby. My last remaining friend who hasn't got a child will be 12 weeks on the 7th. She struggled to conceive and had an ectopic before Christmas. She'd tried for that one for a year. Then she had a laporoscapy for stage three endometriosis and hey presto! I've helped her chart and advised on opks. I've supported her every step of the way. It was good to go through the ups and downs with her every month and now I'm alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for her and she really deserves it. I just wish it was me too. We've got a friend's wedding in September and I'll be the odd one out... unless my approaching cycle gives me my bfp xx

[Kjones3 in reply to Tugsgirl]

I can totally relate to you Tugsgirl... it's so hard isn't it! When you have someone trying along side of you it almost feels like you have another power house with you.. when it's us left behind then it's so hard, and that low for me seems to be harder having once had someone at the same stage if that makes sense?

I hope you get the BFP so you don't feel the odd one out, sending you all the luck and best wishes 🍀🌈

[Magc27]

You will get your turn, it's just a waiting game unfortunately. I had the same problem as you I was so excited/nervous going for my egg collection only to find out I have to wait to have my transfer but when ever I feel down I tell myself it will be my turn, just remember you will get there and having so much embryos frozen things are looking good 😊. xx

[Kjones3 in reply to Magc27]

Yes your right... it gets so much harder the longer you wait though doesn't it! 😕 5 nearly 6 years down the line it seems like a never ending wait now.

Positive view yes, we have 6 embies frozen so praying we will get our little miracles ☺️🌈🤞🏼

[Jellybeenz]

It may not feel like it but 6 frosties is amazing! Your chances are really pretty great. My fresh transfer was cancelled due to OHSS and I was devastated - but I was also really unwell and knew it. It took over three months to recover but it was absolutely the right thing to do. I have a lot of faith in FETs - I honestly believe they give you the best chance as your body is in the best state to do what it needs to do. At my clinic at least, and for my age group, their success rate with FETs is significantly higher than with fresh transfers. Thinking about that really helped me during all the waiting. And indeed, I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant from my first FET - two embryos were put back and one of them has stayed with me. I know I'm incredibly lucky but I genuinely feel that the FET was absolutely the right thing to do and only improved our chances. Hang in there!

It does seem so easy for everyone else. I'm 39 now and the last of my friends by several years to have a baby. I couldn't even hold those babies over the years when they brought them round to meet me or I visited them; I had to act disinterested otherwise I'd fall apart. I couldn't buy them gifts that weren't vouchers as I couldn't go to the baby department without crying. I'm also aware when I walk around town now that people look at me and register that I'm pregnant (I'm massive, you can't really miss it) and I remember how I used to feel when I saw pregnant ladies out and about. I wish I could speak to anyone that felt like I used to and just tell them to hang in there and while you still have options to keep waiting and keep trying. I genuinely can't believe this has finally happened for me, but it has and there's no reason it can't happen for you too. You're in a great position and I wish you all the baby dust in the world!

Sorry, I've gone on a bit! X

[Kjones3 in reply to Jellybeenz]

This message made me smile and gives me hope... so thankyou!!

If I'm honest I hadn't paid much attention to FET as I focused so much on everything being a fresh transfer, that I think the naivety and ignorance was part of the reason of how I felt. I panicked that freezing/defrost would take quality away from our little ones, but the more I read about it I do feel better about it all. And like you, I was so ill I had to stop, my body would have caved in some way I'm sure if we had continued.

Im so happy to hear of your success, amazing news!! How are you feeling... so many exciting things to come for you! Congratulations ☺️ look after and be kind to yourself xx

[Jellybeenz in reply to Kjones3]

Thank you I don't think I'll believe it until he's in my arms, and I suspect I will then have a complete meltdown!

I was absolutely convinced that our frosties weren't going to thaw, despite the current defrost rates being really really high. But in reality, not only did they thaw (I had four frozen, they defrosted two for my FET), they reexpanded to be a better quality than before they were frozen! I didn't even know that was possible! I was given a photo of them as they were reexpanding and I'll treasure it. It's amazing how much potential they have and how strong those little balls of cells can be! xxx

[Kjones3 in reply to Jellybeenz]

Oh waw, that's amazing!! I didn't know they could either... goes to show, those little ones are more amazing than anyone ever gives them credit for ☺️

A boy💙 lush!! I'm sure that moment when you hold him for the first time it will be more than you ever imagined and the most perfect experience.... I wish you all the best 🌈❤️

[Hidden in reply to Jellybeenz]

All the very best with your pregnancy!

[Hidden]

Of course you are glad for them just sad for you and your situation as you wouldn't wish harm on them but part of you feels its not fair when's it going to be my f ing turn!

Its natural to feel like that. Its not like we plan to feel this way through deliberate malice as we don't get any kind of enjoyment out of it as I had hated that I felt like that towards others who got things I wanted when I didn't.