I'm quite sore. I am sitting in the garden with my little box. We shouldn't have to have bought our baby home this way. It should have been a happy time. Instead my heart is so heavy and sad. We're going to buy a proper little wooden box and give our babba bean some dignity.
I will never forget how I loved it the moment I knew it was inside me, growing. Seeing those two little lines. I will never forget the magic when we saw its little heart beating. How relieved I was!! How happy I was and proud. Rest in peace our little babba bean. We love you forever xxx
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Tugsgirl
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Hopefully being able to bring the little one home can help you to bring you some peace. If you are putting them in your garden then every time you see spring flowers you can remember that they existed for a short but important time. Thinking of you x
We have been given a "bleeding heart" outside plant that flowers every spring. We'll place it with that, play it the song I played it when it was in my belly (I know it never heard really) and light a candle xx
Bleeding hearts are gorgeous they bloom wonderfully for weeks on end. You can have a little patch when your little one is and you'll never be far away then, wishing you well xx
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss 😢 While it has gotten easier, I still feel the sadness of losing a much wanted and loved little angel at 6 weeks 18months ago. As soon as you see those two lines they are a part of your family, you have hopes and dreams for them and they are loved forever. Be kind to yourselves at this incredibly hard time. Sending much love xx
Aw tugsgirl, I just want to let you know that lots of us were thinking of you today. You've been so brave sharing this very hard and emotional time with us all, but at the same time we are all here to support you. take as much time as you need to let everything sink it as for a while it will all be very raw and emotional and don't worry about how many tears you or your partner shed, it is all part of this cruel process. Huge hugs being sent to you. Your angel will always be with you as are mine 😘Xxx
Of course you're not insane! I talked to my baby in my womb, I talked to it when it was an embryo. I made it promises I couldn't keep 😢 I had the box in the living room last night and then we put it in the bedroom with us last night. Am I calling it the box? No. I'm calling it the baby xx
Aw Tugsgirl, what a cruel cruel thing this all is.
I fully understand that you talked to your baby and brought him/her to your bedroom. We did this too and referred to him by the pet name we'd given him and we still do.
Thinking of you both and sending hugs and love xxx
Yesterday was horrific. I'm struggling this morning between being in shock and feeling detached from it all and feeling a huge sense of loss and grief. Physically I still feel sore from yesterday. Also I still feel pregnant; painful boobs and I've woken up feeling sick as usual. They said it would take a few days for my hormones to settle back to pre pregnancy. None of this seems real but I know I made the right decision 😢 xx
Lots and lots of hugs to you. Take care of yourself and allow yourself the time you need. Speaking as someone who has had a miscarriage, a time will come when you will feel the warmth of the sun gently on your soul but that timing is different for everyone. And yes, part of that is hormone-related... X
A few people have already asked me if I could put myself through trying again (people with children) and I say to them "If you'd gone through what I have gone through to have your baby/babies would you change a thing? Wouldn't you lay down your life for theirs? Wouldn't any pain and heartache you'd been through all have been worth it?" Of course it would. I will get stronger in the coming days, weeks or months and I will give my three remaining embies every chance of life possible xx
Those people are off their heads to have asked you that so soon. I'm mad that someone has actually had the balls to say that to you! People who haven't been through this struggle don't understand.
Take really good care of yourself and give yourself real time to grieve. Just do you for a while xxx
I guess they just don't want to see me hurting the way I'm hurting right now ever again. But you are so right, people who haven't been through this struggle, especially the struggle of infertility and ivf don't understand. I've questioned myself if this ever happens to me again can I cope? Who knows? But I do know this; I'm going to try again and I'm not giving up xx
No matter what happens, you'll cope; you are a strong, capable person! But being a strong person doesn't mean you don't get to fall apart when things go so painfully wrong. Lots of love xxxx
Thinking of you Tugsgirl. It is such a hard time. Do whatever you need to do to get through this time and be as gentle with yourself as you can. Take care xx
My tears rolling down. U are 200% sane. And those who have not gone through d same road as u they'll never understand. So it's pointless to evento expect anything of them . Just remember they don't know what uve gone through but they r trying there best to help you . U have been one of d strongest person u know . So if u need to breakdown and cry ur heart out I'm sure e everyone here will understand. U need to grieve. Sending u loads of love my dear.
Sorry to hear of your loss. We feel your pain, we know, we have been thought it. Even if it's weeks or months it's very difficult. Thinking of you at this difficult time Xx
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A poem to say goodbye before we start out journey again.
#waveoflight2018
8 weeks and 3 days! 💕
