Thank you all for your kind wishes and support yesterday. It helps to have somewhere safe to turn to. We got the call this morning and unfortunately our little egg didn't even fertilise and wasn't good quality. So it's all over.
We are devastated, both my husband and I have been crying a lot trying to come to terms with what's happened. I feel like this is the end of my fertility journey with my own eggs, this is my body's way of showing me that it's over. I'm finding it hard to get my head round but we have accept the dark reality that there isn't any point throwing more money at this.
We will be taking a few months out to heal ourselves and try to enjoy the next couple of months. It's my 40th in May and I would like to enjoy that before we move forwards with any more treatment. Then I think it's back to Barcelona to try with our 3 frozen donor embies.
We are not giving up yet, we will just need to take a different path to parenthood. Thank you all for your support, it really does help through the dark days.
😘 xxx
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Hannah143
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So sorry to hear this Hannah, it's devastating. I hope the little break helps and things look up in the future. Be kind to yourself & enjoy something nice together xx
Thank you Georgina78, it sucks. I didn't really expect it to work but always that that glimmer of hope. I thought I'd get to the end of the 2WW and get another BFN, rather than get no harvest at all. That's been so hard to process. Thank you for your kind words xx
Awww Hannah I'm so sorry I read this.....words are it enough furvsuch sad news. Your absolutely right in taking time out Hannah, enjoy your 40th next month, and I wish you the world of good in whatever you decide to do from this moment onwards. Always know, we are here though should you need the strength
So so sorry for you both..just devastating it really is. Give yourself time and have a huge blow out on your birthday..plan something extra special as you so deserve it..sending you so much love and take care xxxx
Hey Vic77 thank you, it's so shitty isn't it. Yes! I'm going to ensure that I have a good birthday and will definitely be enjoying some fizz! Thank you xxx
Awww I'm so sorry to hear this, it's so devastating to do a whole round and feel that it's all for nothing!! Plan something great for your 40th, spoil yourself rotten....you deserve it!! Look after each other, sending you big hugs!xx
Thank you Cinderella5, exactly how I feel, I can't help thinking that they full 450 dose gave me a worse result than longer on the 375, but I need to let that go and look forward. Thank you xx
Enjoy your break. Enjoy your birthday. Come back fighting stronger than ever 💪🏻💪🏻 The path to motherhood may not be the one you imagined but it's still a path none the less. Wishing you much success with your DE's 🍀 X
Hey, I'm so sorry u must be devastated. It sounds like a great idea to take a break both physically and mentally. Something like planning your bday is great distraction. And will get you ready for next trip to Barca! This is a divot in the road it just means changing direction a little for where u want to go. If that makes any sense whatsoever.
Thanks Heregoesthen77, yes makes perfect sense in a way it's these moments that define us, I'm going to enjoy my bday and will be back ready to to Spain and defrost my little embies. Thank you xx
Thank you MrsB76 yes some time out is required. I feel so raw and empty today. Time will be good for me before I make my next plan to head to Barcelona xx
I'm so so sorry to hear you're news. You must be feeling devastated. Hopefully you can both take some time to think of next steps in the meantime as the others have said, have a huge blow out for your special birthday for a pleasant distraction xxxx
Hey Dolly_daydream, thank you for your message. Yes we are feeling so broken, just having a quiet weekend with each other and our moggies 😻. Thank you xx
So sorry to hear your news. I think taking sometime out for you both is the best idea, give yourselves time to heal before embarking on your next stage. Thinking of you. Xx
Thanks Billiejean01 yes we need some time to heal and process everything that's happened. We have a couple of months of good things ahead so will focus on making the most of life. Thank you xx
Hannah143, I am so sorry to read this and my thoughts go out to you and your husband. If it helps Although I managed to get to transfer with my lone embryo I just know it never progressed past day 3 as had zero symptoms at all and felt like my 2ww of torture was for nothing and gave discussed often this last week with my husband that it would have been easier to try and take it to day 5 to see if it survived and if not then as much as it would still have been upsetting then at least I'd not had to go through the 2ww and mental torture. Which ever way, this world can be so cruel at times to the people who don't deserve it. Brilliant news re you 3 FE, and lease you now have these safely stored for when your ready to go again. Sending you a huge hug xx
Hey baby2016, thank you for your kind message. We've talked about the sad thing, it's torture isn't it one is just slower with a glimmer of hope that you hold on to but the outcome is the same. Sending you big hugs too 🤗 , sucks.
We have definitely got to the end of the road with our own eggs. When we are ready we will look forwards and go back out to Spain to defrost our Frozen embies. Thank you xxx
So sorry to hear this. My last cycle was similar- only one mature egg collected, and I too feel it was my body telling my that I have to give up on the hope of getting pregnant with my own eggs. I feel hopeful that DE may be the answer to our dreams of parenthood, but am grieving alongside that we will never have that genetic mix of both of us. However, I do feel at peace that we could of done no more, and a rubbish cycle did help me come to terms with DE being our only realistic option. I hope you can feel this too and hopefully we will both be celebrating our DE pregnancies in the near future xxx
Hey anna0908, so sorry your journey has been just as cruel. It's so bloody hard isn't it! I'm the same as you, I think the end of my own fertility journey is upon us and we must now move forward with the DE route.
I know what you mean about grieving, I do feel like a little bit of my soul has died today. Like I've failed as a woman. But yes, just like you I can look back and know I've done everything I can.
Thank you countryCat, I've had a very teary weekend but trying to look forward and remain positive that we have other options.
It's funny i feel and look pretty young and definitely young at heart so it's hard to get my head round that our bodies just can't do what we want them to do! Annoying!
So sad to read your post Han, I'm very sorry for my late reply, battling flu here & only just read post. I know that feeling only too well when you feel the time starting to creep in telling you that your body isn't going to play ball. Not only through repeated ivf attempts and fails, but also trying naturally each month. It can be soul destroying & a little bit of you breaks each time. With each failed month I've found it's making things a bit clearer that I know my body has fought a good battle against endometriosis, but trying to make a little baby has been a step too far. While it's horrid to come to terms with that reality it is actually beginning to bring some calmness to what has been a frantic life for 6 years trying to conceive. I got my period today after convincing myself I may be lucky this month & weirdly, although very disappointed, a sort of calm inevitability hit me where a little voice kind of went 'you did your very best' & I don't feel it's giving up by now turning attention to donor eggs but more like starting afresh on a new road, just a different route to what hopefully will result in a lovely family for you. I know how hard this time is, how demoralising it can be, be so proud of yourself for your non stop belief and endurance as those qualities are not seen in a lot of people these days. Things will be very raw, but a new path waits for you when you're ready to take it. Be kind to yourself, enjoy your birthday and come back fighting when you're ready and I wish you all the very very best in the coming months. Love Sx
Thank you Sez73, yeah it's punchy isn't it, it eats your soul. I'm definitely a different person to the one who started trying for a family 3 years ago. You're right one thing I've always been surprised with is the teeth grinding determination that sets in, and you pick yourself up time and time again.
I like the vision of a new path waiting for me when I am ready, that's really nice.
I'm sorry to hear of all your struggles along the way too. Sending you big hugs 🤗.
I'm so sorry and wish you the very best with the de frozen embryos. Sometimes it does us the world of good to have a break from the world of fertility. Hope you enjoy your birthday. X
Thank you Jess1981, yes you're right. It's managing the panic and instinct to get on with it as fast as possible with the reality of actually needing a break for your own sanity!! A few months off will do me good and the DE are not getting any older which is a good thought 🌠. Thanks for your message xxx
So sorry to hear this. It so devastating when you don't get as far as you have previously. You're right to give yourself some time to process it. I think the constant changes in emotions makes us all very skilled at moving through the cycle of grief. You know yourself better than anyone and will know when you feel it's right to move forward to more treatment. Big hugs. x
Hey Ditsy21 yeah it felt like a massive kick in the guts. I was trying to explain how I feel to a girlfriend over the weekend and grief is the right word, it's a painful empty drain on your world. I've done a lot of crying this weekend and am up heading into work with my game face on! Today would have been our transfer day 3 day so instead I'm going to a hardcore spin class! Thank you for your message xx
Hello! This happened to me, and a friend of mine as well on our first cycles (nothing to transfer). We both had good cycles afterwards (lots of blasts), she just gave birth, and I am 9 weeks. Best of luck, I understand how dark the days feel, take time, and have hope.
Hi ChristineS, thanks for your message and congratulations to you and your friend.
This wasn't my first cycle it was my 6th, if it was my first I would have found the money to go again. We have already spent +£20k and the last cycle was so poor I'm not going to spend another £7k to find out if it's a one off. It's such low odds and I can't keep putting myself through the heartache, it's been a very long 3 years. I think my journey with my own eggs is now over xxx
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