Pregnancy posts

I find seeing pregnancy posts on here really difficult. Is there a way to hide them? Like on fb? Thank you

*Edit: This does not mean I am unhappy for people who do post bfp/scan photos or that I think they shouldn't. I suffer with depression & am trying to make my life easier. I'm shocked at some of the comments I've had. Thank you to the MANY people who private messaged me in agreement and with kind words xxx

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  • No don't think there is as this about reading people's journeys and there out come I know it's hard to read when it has worked for some people but try look at it as a positive that same could happen to you one day hope your doing ok πŸ™‚

  • Like lisa said it's all about part of the journey and knowing that these women have all gone through the same difficult time we ve had. As you get to know people you will be genuinely happy for them as I'm sure you'd want to be for you when it's your turn. You can usually tell from the title what the post is about so if it's that bad maybe just don't click on it esp as there are sometimes scan pictures as well. Xx

  • Yes, it's more the pictures I find difficult. At this stage I'm just trying to protect myself & not think about other people. I know that sounds bitter but it's just until I have counselling. Thank you for your replies!

  • It is tough we ve all been there. But fingers crossed your time will come take care. We had counselling after our one failed attempt def worth getting it if hospital offer xx

  • Well said Katya x

  • Just wanted to say I completely understand what you mean. I've had 3 failed cycles and although I'm really happy for the successes on here, I do find it difficult seeing the scan and baby pics, wondering if it will ever be us. I just remind myself that they've been through a difficult journey too, and on my less strong days I avoid looking at the posts that look like they might have pics. On the stronger days I take hope from them that people who have been through this process in similar situations to us have had success. Best wishes x

  • I can understand both sides. If I posted a scan pic I used to put a warning in the title to give people the option of reading. On the other hand, I know how hard it is to contain that euphoria of a BFP. It's not rubbing people's face in it, is offering people hope to people who have supported each other for years and shared the ups and downs, it's very often sad times on here, but the happy times need to be acknowledged too. 😊

    Maybe you could suggest to the moderator about some sort of posting rule. Like I say I warned people in the title of a scan pic. But a lot of us aren't ready to leave this group even when We've had our babies, just last week I posted my 12 week old sons picture because I was here in the years leading up to his conception and birth and I still love to come on here and help out with advice If I can. I would feel bad if my pic offered anyone, hope it didn't.

    On low days I avoided the threads with titles with BFP but in good days I was more than happy to read positive news. It just depends how you feel.

    Xxx

  • Hi Katybetter, I just wanted to say that as you get to know people's stories on here it will all get easier for you and we are all here to help, advise, and support each other through the hard times and well as celebrate people's good news with them. The one thing we all share in common is not being able to have a baby as easily as others, and although you too have unexplained fertility there's no saying at all that it won't be you posting these Happy posts that bring hope to us all. I know it can be hard at times, and sometimes I've had time away from this site when things haven't worked out but I've always had to come back as the ladies on here are really the only people who fully understand the ups and downs of this journey, and without them it can be a very lonely one. I hope one day that it's your scan picture we're all congratulating and please take comfort in the fact we are all here to help each other and is am still glad I found this site. If anything the only down side is we are can't meet up in person. I hope you feel better soon about it all x

  • I have had 3 failed cycles and I genuinely love seeing bfp news etc as I know one day it will be my turn xx

  • At the end of the day, this is a support forum. If there were such thing as a 'hide' button, it would make the group unsupportive. Plus if we 'hid' all the BFP stories, the only ones that would be left would be the negative stuff. Support doesn't stop at a BFP xx

  • Exactly. And every single one of us has struggled to conceive. We've all had friends and family announce pregnancies, sometimes more than once, while we've been timing our intercourse, peeing on opks, popping our cocktails of supplements and taking our temperatures religiously for years. Put ourselves through at least one round of fertility treatment if not two, three... some even five or six!! Knowing the odds of an ivf cycle doesn't even have a 50% success rate each try, those bfps on here always filled me with so much hope! It was great to see ivf work! I loved seeing them! Still do 😊

    It's also worth bearing in mind that a bfp is not the end of the rollercoaster, trust me. The stress and the worry doesn't stop. We've wanted and waited so long and now we're afraid of it all being taken away because it doesn't seem real.

    I hope one day to see you post news of your own bfp, followed by some beautiful scan pictures. Just don't forget, we've all been where you are X

  • Incredible well said Tugsgirl πŸ‘ŒπŸ’•x

  • I understand that Katybetter however I think you are still in the angry and resentful phase I was in for a long time. Whilst trying to conceive I had three of my employees fallen pregnant two of them didn't even try and their partner didn't really want it. I used to go home crying. I ruined my carpet one day cos I hovered it so hard in frustration and rage it made a hole!

    I think saying you dont want to see BFP on here is like saying no pregnant women are allowed to be in ASDA when you go shopping. You can't stop it or control it.

    How I over came my anger was by my acupuncturist telling me about laws of attraction. Ever wanted something like a new car and all of a sudden you see it everywhere?You attract it, it's coming closer to you. She made me look at pregnant women like that so instead if feeling angry when a new colleague got pregnant I kept thinking " Its coming closer, it be me soon."

    Wishing you strength on your journey.xx

  • What a great way to look at things, much better for your mental wellbeing I would imagine too! Xx

  • Thanks Sprinkels. I really find it helpful and it did work in they end 😊 x

  • This post really upset me and I feel it should have been a private message to the site admin, not a public post. It is extremely inconsiderate and a first of its kind on this site. What exactly do you want, people to log on with bad news and stay away with good news? It's a FERTILITY forum, if you want only fails and struggles, find a one where the people have given up on hope. Were they are infertile and have accepted it.

    I support all the lovely ladies here, through good and bad and everything in between. I've never felt a moment of envy because you know that behind every positive update lies a thousand tears, years of ttc, efforts of saving money, ongoing moments of disappointment and bitterness, utter despair, endless appointments, often surgeries, procedures, miscarriages.. people that felt at times they couldn't carry on anymore. That the end of the road had been reached. I was at my very lowest last year and desperately needed to believe there was some kind of shimmer of hope somewhere. And I found it here. Yes I do get pregnancy guilt at times and I pray my overwhelmingly positive updates don't upset anyone but you know what? I also cry when I see another update of things going wrong - BFN's, ectopics, miscarriages, surgeries, complications.. I want to take that pain away but I know I can't. I live with so many ladies (and the odd gent) through their journies via this site. And let's not forget any day it could be me posting I've lost my girls.. would you want to see my update then?

  • Well said πŸ’•πŸ‘Œxx

  • Before we all completely lose our temper with KatyBetter can we all remember to be mindful of the down days and shit days and hard days that we all deal with very differently to each other.

    KatyBetter.... I'm very sorry to remind everyone that you're still a relatively new member and someone who openly admitted to us all that you suffer with depression.

    Before anyone tells me that there are other people suffering similarly - I don't disagree. But this group is about support. And explaining this rather than having a bit of a go at Katy would be better.

    My message to you Katy would be similar to others. It's not easy is it? I can't say I ever get really upset when I see a BFP or a scan. I smile because most ladies I've watched struggle and have losses on the way and I smile because they deserve to be so happy and I hope their torment is over. I wont lie though...sometimes I used look and think: "what if I never get that." But eventually Katy... it'll get a bit easier. You'll come to know the ladies and you'll come to know yourself and what and how you can handle.

    Please don't stop using this group. I think it's very brave of you to ask such a question when it's clearly hurting you a lot. Sadly, you can't shut off life. A few people told me to turn off my fb the other day. What will I do? Hide from all the pregnant people? What would I do in a supermarket? Try and shut her in the milk aisle so I couldn't see her? I was really glad I posted about fb last week. It made me defiant. I'm not hiding. I'm not hiding life.

    Big hugs xxx

  • Can I just point out that my post was not having a go at her but to shake you Katybetter to realise we are all hurting too and what you post here, gets noticed. Behind every update is a story, and they are all difficult ones. You won't feel any better just by reading negative updates. You need to look for help for your depression (I did) and let this forum work for you and with you. You've openly asked about other forums too, maybe you're not ready for this one yet. Of course I don't want you to feel even more isolated but I don't apologise for posting an honest response to your post. If you ever messaged me, I would be happy to answer. Hope you understand that everyone is trying to guide you to the right direction.

  • I still think that women who've been to hell and back, round the corner, almost to paradise, then to a sad place and back round to a wonderful BFP are the women who carry the strongest and biggest bit of advice and understanding than most women here - certainly more than me. You'd definitely be someone I would hope to get advice from as others should too Nesfin x

  • I was referring to scan photos. I, personally, find them difficult. There is nothing wrong with that or me! I'm not going to allow someone to make me feel bad about that too. I don't think people shouldn't post them, I just find it difficult to see. I asked a question that really only required a yes/no answer. But thank you to those who went out of their way to write something supportive. I appreciate it. Today is going to be very hard for lots of us on here x

  • Hope you're ok Katybetter, I think it was a fair question and I'm sorry some people have taken it personally. On some other forums they ask that pregnancy success is shared on another board which I think shows a lot of empathy for others who might not be feeling so good about how things are for them right now. This isn't one of those boards so it's a personal choice as to whether it's for you. Love to all xx

  • I'm actually upset after reading this post :-(. Really !!! if it was so easy for all of us we would not be on this site sharing our own journeys of heartache and pain :-( Reading a BFP post on this site is what has given me hope all these years of TTC. If reading a pregnancy post on here of someone who finally got their BPF after maybe had 15 IVF's and numerous miscarriage's makes you upset then please rather find another site where only the painful news is scared!!!

  • I personally find this post a little hard to read. The majority of us on here have been through so much to get here to where we are at this point of journey .. many of us have had success then had it taken away from us as quick as we enjoyed the positive outcome.

    Many of us joined the forum for the support as a lot of the time we don't feel we can get it from other places from people who don't understand .. generally on this forum it is refreshing to see nice and positive outcomes and often gives a lot of us the strength to continue this long and hard journey .

    You will see a lot of scan photos and many positive outcomes but eventually it becomes uplifting to see someone who you have supported throughout their journey have their journey come to an end.

    i got my positive and had it taken away from me within 4 weeks .. I got upset at seeing scan photos after we had lost our pregnancy but then I came to realise that the ladies on here had been through a horrible and difficult journey just as I had and I started to wish them all the very best .. xx

  • Oh my gosh...

    I didn't say I wasn't happy for them

    I didn't say they shouldn't share bfp

    I didn't direct it at a particular person

    I'll say it again: I meant scan photos in particular. Some days I'm strong and some days I'm not. I have depression. I refuse to apologise for asking a question that would make my illness slightly easier on days I can't get out of bed

  • Romaluna, what an honest post. ❀️ Xx

  • For many of us the support becomes our save haven . A place where we can come and our day be an utter farce but by the end of a chat on here you feel levelled out again . This forum has saved me from so much despair and wanting to giving up. The support here is incredible . X

  • hi katy, im sorry some people have reacted so negatively to your question. which as you mentioned - couldve been answered with a yes or no, or if they were 'upset' or 'offended' by your post ... then not at all. we are all here for support, we dont need other people to make us feel bad, we do enough of that to ourself. I totally understand that people posting BFP's / scans etc have been through an often awful journey to get to that point and are obvioulsy very excited, personally i like to see them (usually) as they give me hope that we will all get there eventually. but as you said Katy, some days its just too much, every tv advert, programme, facebook, in every shop, on every billboard; babies, pregnant women etc etc you feel as though every one in the world is pregnant and you cant get away from it. On these days i try to shield myself from it, put on a film that cheers you up - no unexpected pregnancy / baby story lines haha. and i stay off facebook and even here. so as i said we are all here for support, some of us need more support than others, and nobdoy is here to upset anyone, if you read something you dont like - scroll on, if you feel you cant offer something positive. Katy is obviously struggling and i think she was brave to be honest and reach out, i am currently waiting on an appointment for counselling for depression, so i know how hard it is to admit it to yourself never mind someone else. i hope you feel better soon Katy, sending hugs x

  • Thank you. Fighting depression whilst accepting infertility is so difficult and confusing! I am waiting for counselling too. I do believe I'll get better one day but I can see it being a very difficult road to get there. I hope you're feeling better soon xxx

  • Big hugs Katybetter x

  • Hi Katy, I'm so sorry that you've been feeling this way. This journey is so awful and I can completely understand finding scan pics triggering especially if you're not in a good place on your journey. Unfortunately I don't think there is a hide option. I hope you feel better and that the negative responses you've had haven't made you feel worse! I don't believe they represent everyone's views.

  • I haven't done anything wrong so I won't allow a couple of people to make me feel bad about myself. If I can't offer support to someone on here I just don't comment. I wouldn't dream of saying something unkind. But there you go. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Thank you for your understanding x

  • You haven't done anything wrong at all. I am shocked at some of the negative responses you've had on here. That is unusual on this forum and think people have misrepresented your original question. We all struggle with scan pics/pregnancy news and your original question was a thought I have had myself at times when I felt low. Sending best wishes to you and asking others to think about how their responses could add pain to someone already on this difficult process. Xx

  • Hi Katy, in reply to the question you asked me: click on your profile -help- safety and security- find my group administrator, and you can find them from there πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ˜Š

  • I too suffer with severe depression . I do understand depression

  • I hope that we all eventually get to share good news on here as well as yourself katybetter. I wish happy endings for all of us xxx

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