Lonely

I don't know if it's partly the Sunday feeling but I've been feeling incredibly lonely recently. Many of my friends have had babies/pregnant. They are now enjoying kids parties or meet ups for the kids to play with each other. Things I'm often not included in and when I talk to them about the heartbreak of my infertility while they show sympathy they don't really understand like you all would. Equally while I have all you lovely ladies in here to offload to it just isn't the same as chatting to someone or meeting up for a friendly catch up. I don't know anyone else in my friendship circle or family that have had to go through ivf. I'm feeling a bit lonely and trapped this evening and wonder if anyone else has felt this way?

38 Replies

oldest β€’ newest
  • Without a doubt. Its like a club you're not part of. I guess just trying to plan things so it's not as obvious xx

  • Hi. I'm feeling like this today too. My friends all have children and I'm feeling so fustrated. They envisage I have this wild and exciting kid free social life, while they are stuck in with the kids. In truth, I'm stuck at home at the weekend with not a lot to do as they get on with their play dates and mummy nights. I have also told them about our journey and yes they are sympathetic, but they don't get it. They all had children together. Their lives have adapted together. I just feel like I'm stuck in some kind of horrific limbo land. So nope, your not alone. Sending you lots of hugs this evening. Xx

  • Omg your message really struck a chord with me. You have said exactly how I feel! Thank you for your message xx

  • As you did with me! Message me if you need to vent. I know exactly where you are coming from. Xx

  • Oh no that sounds hard I'm lucky enough that only half my friends have babies so I can mainly avoid the baby thing. Have you got friends at work that don't have kids? Or perhaps join a club so you can make new friends. I think it's important to have non mother friends wh are on your level as well as keepers nv your current friend set. Hope you feel better soon xxx

  • Oh yes, I feel left out on a regular basis unfortunately! It's like I'm not part of the gang, mothers & toddlers nights out etc. However I do know they don't do it on purpose, it's just their lives have changed a lot and they forget!! You're definitely not alone in how you are feeling, don't be too hard on yourself....everyone has down days!!xx

  • Hi sorry your feeling lonely today, it is a hard place to be totally understand about family/friend babies/pregnancy and your certainly not alone in this, only 3 people (plus my hubby and his parents & all on here ) know about my situation and it is a lonely place and they don't understand it,

    There's loads of people on here maybe if your near people you could ways arrange to meet up. I'm in kent I'm just waiting to start my 2nd cycle of ivf, xx

  • Aw Hun you are soooo not alone, I've felt this way a million times, as have so many ladies on here. It's really tough, you feel like you're not a part of this special club and worry that you never will be, and also mourn the loss of your friendships as they once were..

    Perhaps if you wanted you could say where abouts in the country you are and you may be able to meet with someone you totally understands. I'm in Manchester.

    I hope tomorrow is a better day, but you're never alone xxx

  • Thanks everyone for your messages. I think it is also a little bit of Mother's Day anxiety looming as a lot of the my friends who are mummies have been going on about their special days planned next week. I'm in Devon. I have had a lovely chilled day with my hubby and just need to get up tomorrow and have a fresh new week. Everyone on here amazes me everyday with their strength. You all keep me going and give me hope Xx

  • I've got a family meal on monthers day, I'm the only one without child, which I'd rather hide away or go away for . I just try and think that it be my turn one day to celebrate it,

    Just got to try and think positive even though that's easier said than done, devons a wee bit far for me but I'm sure there's others on this group that are near you could always do a post is there any others in Devon on here, there was one the other day in a different area that got lots of response,

    Where abouts are you on your ivf journey ? Xx

  • I had a failed ivf with Icsi in Aug 2016. Got a first consultation at a new clinic in April but this will have to be privately funded

  • I had a failed cycle privately back in 2011, then gave up till April last year, hope to start next month :-) wish you lots of luck on your 2nd cycle, and don't ever feel alone there's always someone on here that we keep you company on your low days xx

  • Hi ch319 so sorry to hear your feeling down I totally get how lovely and isolating all of this can be. Sometimes I dread the weekends because I know I will have to much time on my hands with nothing to do and at least during the week I'm occpied by work and I just think it's such a sad state of mind to be in and such a waste. It's very hard to ajust to a group of friends when lives have gone in such different directions. I'm going to my first group session in a weeks time because even though this forum is amazing I too need to speak to others who are in the same situation so I'm giving it a try. xxx

  • How did you find your group meeting? I think this is something I should look into. Thanks for your message x

  • fertilitynetworkuk.org/for-... if you follow this link you will be able to click on your area to find a local support group, I just emailed the contact provided and I've been invited to the next session, some clinics also provide details for support groups. Hope you find a group local to you xxx

  • Thank you for this

  • Your welcome hope you have a better day tomorrow xxx

  • As I expected there are no meetings in Devon 😞

  • Aw ch319, I know exactly what your saying, and have felt exactly the same over this. All my close work friends meet up loads to have lunch with their babies and never once have they invited me and sometimes it would really hurt me. They are all fully aware of my struggles and what I've been through and sometimes I feel like some sort of leper that they don't want to be around through fear of upsetting me (or least that's what I think) and I really have to bite my tongue when they say remarks like, 'oh to have a lye in again, or to go on nights out' I feel like screaming at them all sometimes.

    Sadly lots of us will know this feeling on her. I can see now my circle of friends is now changing, and the only ones with babies that are in it are the ones who have tried to put themselves in my position and have realised I just want to be thought of as normal and still go out for lunch with them like we used too. They appreciate the time away for a girly lunch!

    It is hard, and until your in this position no-one fully understands. But just wanted to let you know your by far alone with how your feeling xx

  • That's it I'm sure they think I don't want to have my nose rubbed in it. And to be fair sometimes I don't but yes the comments about how good my life must be without children really winds me up as they have no idea how lucky they are. Thanks for your message and support. Xx

  • Yep! Just today (in a two hour window) I was sad because I'd not been invited to a child's party - cos I don't have a child. And hacked off because I was. Because it felt like a sympathy invite. I have the most amazing BFF who has been through ivf. But even then our journeys are different. She suffered in totally different ways to how I am. And sometimes I want to cry with someone who knows nothing about me. So they just sit there in silence and so they can't judge xx

  • Well on Saturday my Hubby had a night out with his mates. Which meant all the women stayed in with their kiddies. So I was home on my own and just sat and cried and it actually made me feel better. Just having a moment of release with no one around xx

  • Awww ch319 that's so familiar. Sometimes I feel like calling up another mate and just going out to get really pissed. Then I remember about the alcohol. pffft! x

  • Oh my goodness! I definitely feel this way! I wish I could pull up a chair and share a big cup of warm (decaf) tea with you! ☺

  • It's a shame we are all over the country β˜•οΈ

  • I'm thinking of joining a local support group. Where are you based? I'm in London.

  • Devon where there aren't any support groups! 😞

  • If you fancy chatting via messenger, let me know!

  • Thank you xx

  • Anyway, that's great you're trying with your ivfs again and again.. Just don't give up here. I believe that'll work for you one day.. Keep fighting and you'll be a part of that club one day.. one of the best parts of it.. as you'll love your child more than anyone else.. I can feel that.. Have another try with your ivf in that private clinic or maybe in some other clinic abroad.. but I know you'll have your child.. take care xx

  • Thank you xx

  • Awww hun. .we all feel this. These days suck but hopefully today is a better day. I noticed there was a button on here that said find people near me. .there must be folk in Devon for sure. I am the other end of the country but never feel alone. I know messaging here is not the same as a face to face chat but know we are always here through highs and lows. I am having a day myself before going back to work tomorrow after our 2nd bfn and I just feel like a duvet and cry day with a caffinated coffee. Why the hell not. Much love xxxx

  • I am so sorry to hear you got another bfn. It is so hard to get up and motivated after one. I would go all out have a wine, have some soft cheese and prawns 5 coffees what ever you want to make yourself feel better xx

  • Lol that's quite a comboπŸ€β˜•β˜•πŸ·πŸ·xx

  • Haha yeh maybe not all for brekkie!

  • Its normal to feel this way cos its coming up to Mothers Day then Fathers Day and soon summer when the kiddies go out playing it is a very upsetting time for all childless couples men as well as women but I think women feel it more. The only way to keep calm is to find a hobby or do something you enjoy to keep the sadness away. It is a life long journey we all have to take and it can be very hard at times.

    Is there a club you could join or even learn a new skill.

    Do you have pets? A small dog maybe that you could take out and cuddle mine is my lifeline and my baby as well as a great companion.

  • So when we found out about our "infertility" we bought 2 bunnies and they have been fabulous therapy. Absolutely adorable. When our ivf failed last summer we sold our house and now have a new project waiting to move into our new build property and a fresh start. You raise an interesting point there though this has been incredibly tough for my husband as I think he has less people to talk to than me as I think his guy mates talk to him less about what he's going through than my girl mates

  • Best of Luck with your new project and move it sounds so exciting.

    Lots of hugs to you and your husband.

You may also like...