When did you know you were ready

As the title says, I just wanted to throw it out there to ask others how you knew you were ready to try again after miscarriage?

Its been two months since I initially had the miscarriage from my 3Rd ivf attempt so still very early days. I'm just trying to process hoe I'm going to know when I'm going to be ready again.

Obviously I'm still grieving but I just can't bare to piece myself together again to break apart again going through ivf again. Just feels a water energy but I know I need to be positive and the best I can be to go through it again.

Just want to know how you knew you were ready? 

14 Replies

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  • Will you ever be ready or is it just a process of being stronger.  You are supposedly never given more than you can handle which shows just how strong each of us are.

    You are ready when you feel stronger, when you open your eyes in the morning and feel a little lighter, when the pain in your chest feels more like an ache and you breathe a little easier each day. Then the next and the next until you look again and say today I am ready for another step xx

  • I go backwards and forwards like this. One day I wake up and I think about what happened but I smile at the fact I did become pregnant for that short time and think positively about this baby. I then think yeah maybe I'm ready to start to think about going again.

    Then it's when I'm not expecting it, something will happen, usually at work and I get overwhelmed with emotion and my chest tightens and I'll have a panic attack. Then I'm thinking I'm in no place to begin thinking about going again and need to heal myself.

    Im going out more and me and my husband are closer than ever and that's great but I'm not happy. I need to have a baby and get frustrated that I'm doing nothing about it. Guess I'm still grieving. Just had so many triggers and I've been OK. Think the last one tipped me over the edge. x x

  • Hey hon

    There really is no right or wrong way, days will be up and down you will feel like you are going around in a circle.... You will ask yourself a thousand questions and sometimes not even find the answer.

    Ask yourself if it is fear of the unknown that has you so worried and if you haven't fully grieved then keep on grieving....

    You will wake up sure one day that you are ready some of us just keep going st it and some don't. Me I went at it and then finally it worked still early days but we are almost 10 weeks most I have ever been xx

  • Only you know when your ready to go again. We had a failed cycle just short of 4 weeks ago. I'm still finding it difficult to come to terms with. I don't understand why or what went wrong 5 day blastocyst  good grade and all went wrong!! I'm just waiting for review appt next month!! Maybe won't be ready just stronger!! Take each day as it comes don't put pressure on yourself give yourself the time you need. You'll know when your ready to go again!! I personally can't think of doing it again anytime soon want to get the appt out of the way and have sometime out during the summer!! I just hate the thought of another childless Christmas 😯.  But hopefully once you've taken the time you need you will know when your ready or strong enough to go through it again. All the best to you and big hugs xx

  • I'm sorry you had a failed cycle with such a great blastocyst too. The emotion from the experience is a loss.

    I did wake up one day after my failed cycles and think yeah let's go again. I think I'm judging them the same each time and guess I shouldn't. Just so frustrated feeling this way.

    I'm with you on the childless Christmas. It's such a tough time and again another trigger.

    I wish you the best x x

  • Hi, soapsuds! I just dropped in to say I'm so terribly sorry for your loss :( !!!!

    I don't know how it feels as have never faced it, but think this is tremendously hard! Poor thing, this is the grief which will definitely torture you for some time. But I hope time will heal your wound and you'll recover both physically and emotionally soon. Unfortunately it will leave scar on your heart. But the best thing is to remember your angel always and think of it as of the ray of sunshine which is always with you. I'm sorry if I shouldn't write this as I haven't experienced the same. But I wanted so much to send you many gentle hugs. I'll be thinking of you to recover as soon as possible. Just have enough time, darling Xx

  • Thanks for the reply.

    I think I'm hard on myself and not allowing myself to grieve properly as in my head I believe I should have moved on by now. I build up my emotions and then just explode in one day. I've done this today. I got to work and something small frustrated me and has pushed me over the edge and I just came straight home again. I thought I'm having today for me and my head. I need to listen to myself a lot more.

    Even as I'm writing this it shows I'm not ready to go again but I'll feel so different tomorrow and the day after. x x

  • Hey hon

    I've never had this experience other than bfn's one thing I've realised is if you have to ask when, you're not ready.

     Take all the time you need. I've realised that when I've thought im OK many times im not , the emotions are just below the surface.

    Take time to look after yourself, do what yourheart tells you you need.

    Don't rush into it.

    I believe that a miscarriage isn't something you ever fully recover from unless you get another bfp which results in a little one. Even then you never forget your loss, it perhaps just gets a little less raw over time.

    I wish you all the luck in the world when you are ready and a massive hug.

  • This is very true. I had a lovely chat with my boss the other day and I was saying how much I miss my husband and I'm not as strong as I'm making out. She said she often has days like this when something will trigger the memory of her loss last November. I was surprised as she seemed so together. It is true, you never 'get over' a miscarriage. You just learn to cope and perhaps one day become strong enough to try again. Sending you Angel dust and hugs xx

  • That is true I believe you can never get over a miscarriage. It just takes a while to be able to manage daily life again without breaking down.its just so untalked about which could be why it takes a while to process, especially after the ivf process. Just feel like I'll never be able to cope atm. x x

  • I'm so sorry to hear about the mc, it is so unfair. Only you will know when you are reday to try again. I've had 2 mcs from natural conceptions, we didn't get BFPS from our 3 rounds of ICSI treatment.  We all react differently and there is no set timetable. It took me 9 months to consider trying again after our 2nd mc but I know some people who have tried again straight away. 

    Our clinic suggested at least one period after our BFNS but in the end it was 4 months due to other factors. Probably good idea to speak to your clinic to see what they suggest.

  • I've already had the follow up appointment and they said after 2 periods physically but I think after I've broken down now I'm no where near ready emotionally. Just want to feel ready and I'm not. So I get frustrated with myself. Need to grieve properly and not let it build up. Easier said than done though.

    Sorry to hear of your two miscarriages. That must have been so heart breaking. I do wish you happiness in your future x x

  • I'm really sorry to read this and for your loss, it's SUCH a hard situation. I can't possibly know how you're doing but time is a massive help.

    I miscarried in November at 9 weeks after my first cycle of ICSI and it's been a long way to get to where I am now. I had a follow up appointment in January and was a long way from ready. At 37/38 I felt huge pressure to crack on so in March booked myself in for a appointment to book in again. I wasn't ready then, but knew it would be a while before it came round.

    It has come round now and I'm booked in for next cycle. Honestly I don't know if I'm ready or not, but I think I'm as close as I'm going to get and I know I have to do something. My due date is looming and the empty months following are spurring me on to action.

    All the cliches are true- a day at a time and time is a healer. I'm not sure if I'm fully ready but I'm definitely not not-ready. That's enough for me if it makes sense.

    Put no pressure on yourself and wishing you lots of luck xx

  • Thanks for the reply. It is tough as once the mc has happened I think you're so more aware and anxious. Well I am any way. I think it's cos we have one more go too left. We had two rounds on ivf and paid for two rounds too. I've done them all back to back. I did have a 3 month break between the the second and third go though. It seemed as though I was waiting forever. Now I'm in that time frame and just feel like I'll never be ready.

    I had bit of a break down on Friday. Think all little things had been getting to me and then had a counselling appointment a week ago too and everything just came out. I got to work and the smallest thing tipped me over the edge so I went home. Put my comfies on, shut the curtains and sobbed for a good 4 hours. Ate lots of crap and watched some films. Maybe I just needed that.Was so emotionally drained. Think I still am a bit.

    I do give myself a hard time too. Everyone has said it from the doctors to my boss and my husband. Maybe I'll ease up on myself and hopefully gain some strength. My boss actually said sometimes you need to go back two steps to move forward three. He doesn't understand what I'm going through but I respect he is trying and that dies make sense what he said.

    Sorry to hear of your loss. It really sucks doesn't it. A pain that I don't think will ever completely heal. Yeah I guess it's very easy to put the pressure in yourself with age but then the stress of that will make it worse anyway. Well done for making that call and booking in. That's a huge step!

    I agree with you about booking and then not fully ready but not not ready. I thought that if I was to book, it wouldn't start until two or three months time so that gives me that time but just don't want to add further pressure to it either.think my while body just sighs with the thought of taking all those horrible ivf drugs again.

    Plus we're trying naturally too as you're meant to be more fertile after mc. May be wasted our time but still going to try still.

    I think I'm going to monitor how i feel most of the time as opposed to these blips I have. Then if I'm feeling OK with it I'll make the call. I know that getting bfp and having a baby will stop me feeling this way and give me the life I want.

    Wish you all the best for this round hun! Everything crossed! You deserve your bfp. May this be your time! x x

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