Doner Eggs - a million thoughts and none at all?

[McrLass]

After miscarriage and failed ivf cycles, were started on the road to anonymous frozen doner eggs. Never thought we’d be here, but it looks like the only way. We have our compulsory counselling session on Monday, my problem is that I have a million thoughts/ concerns for the future but none of them seem important to raise, if I am being given this amazing chance of a way to possibly become pregnant?

It sounds stupid to ask - what if it works and I feel like a surrogate when I’m pregnant? What do I tell a child when they ask why their eyes/ hair don’t match mine, or a teenager when they do an ancestry dna test - if we decide not to tell them right from the start. Will I wince every time people say they only look like their Daddy, would my Gran have ever understood/approved, or am I giving up on myself and taking the easy option because at 42 I feel I can’t wait any longer?

Anyone been through this and can share their concerns, however small, and how it turned out/ changed with success? I want to feel lucky to have this chance, I really do. Thanks, confused xx

[EJThompson2]

Hi

I have donated my eggs twice, so I was on the opposite end of the process to you. However, I had similar thoughts about the biology of it all! How I would feel knowing I have a biological child/children out there, how I have these children with a man I've never even met, if they'd look like me or this random man!

I came to the conclusion that giving someone my egg, doesn't make them any less of the child's mother. I look at it as giving someone a part of me, so that they can have their own baby. I gave someone a tiny little egg that was one of hundreds of thousands and they nurtured it for 9 months and it grew inside them and lived off them and became their baby. I just helped to give them the missing piece so to speak!

Also, the company I went through asked for a baby photo and one when I was no older than five, so they could match hair/eye/skin colour with couples looking for donor eggs but wouldn't eb able to identify me. I also filled out a lengthy profile about myself.

I have a daughter of 5 and I'm 36 weeks pregnant with a little boy now so I know what's it's like to be a mum and the love you have for your children. The first couple I donated to had a little boy who will be 3 in November and I don't think about him as my child at all. I don't have any regrets about donating my eggs and I think it is a wonderful gift to be able to give.

As I've not been on the other side of egg donation, I can't say this from experience, but I couldn't imagine you'd feel disconnected from the baby because it is inside you and depends on you. And once you start to feel kicks and movements and especially as soon as the baby is born you will just be in love. They may have started off a tiny egg from someone else, but the rest is up to you

[McrLass in reply to EJThompson2]

What a wonderful perspective. Thank you so much for your reply, you’ve really helped me xx 😘