looooong journey

[InTheMiddleOfIt]

hi, we started trying 2 years ago, after a year of monthly pregnancy tests and fertility tests and false expectations accentuated by irregular cycle the GP gave me the all clear on my side, my husband finally decides to get tested and it came out as very low sperm count meaning very little chance to conceive naturally. it was devastating and it took me a long time to grieve and accept the situation, can t talk to anyone as it is very personal and also unless you are in the same process you have no idea how depressing it is, the hubby was of no help too what i got from him was he s only doing this because i want kids, i feel so isolated and alone. i keep trying to think positive, that at least there is a chance, i go to the gym daily and manage to pack my week ends with activities but sadness and depression just keep crawling back. since we started trying 7 friends have fallen pregnant and i keep hearing at every gathering that i m next and it s only me left now without mentioning all the pressure from the family at almost each phone call.

we started the process at leatherhead hospital, it took ages for the referral letter to come through then after the appointment we had to wait another 6 months for the next one, the urologist appointment was a nightmare but once we got that we had the tests and the follow up done privately to speed thing up he told us to expect ICSI. today was the second appointment at the fertility clinic with the virology tests and another hormone test as it has to be in the last 6 months. now we were told that the referral to kingston hospital could take up to 6 months again and that we re quite lucky because of the fertility lottery.

everything is so slow that it s consuming and draining every last bit of energy and we haven t even started the real deal yet

[Hopeful1982]

Hello ZinebBC,

Coping with infertility is really difficult and I think that the waiting is the hardest part! I also find it hard seeing friends and family members fall pregnant (with ease!!) while I'm stuck in limbo the whole time! But, you are doing all the right things - getting referred and keeping yourself busy.

I saw a counsellor for a few months last year. It was really helpful to speak to someone in trust who understood what I was going through and didn't judge. She really helped me work through how I was feeling. You might find it helpful too especially if you don't feel you can confide in family sand friends.

Good luck for your treatment and take care of yourself x

[InTheMiddleOfIt in reply to Hopeful1982]

Thank you hopeful 1982, i think it will help as my husband and i seem coping differently with this and can t understand each other s way. I m more emotional about it, read and do my homework to know what to expect and when while he s more it s gonna be fine trust the consultants and it s alright.

[Hopeful1982 in reply to InTheMiddleOfIt]

My husband and I have coped differently too. He couldn't understand why I was so emotional either and it caused a strain on our relationship.

I eventually found a great book called "What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting" (on Anazon). It's written by a man and it's about his experience of the fertility journey with his wife. He says his wife 'needed' to have children whereas he 'wanted' to have them. This struck a chord with my hubby and I. It's a great book and actually pretty funny. He even talks about forums like these!

I was actually surprised my hubby read it but it's one of the things that's made the biggest difference in helping us be a team in this.

Good luck with the counselling if you give it a go. It really helped me a lot! x

[InTheMiddleOfIt]

Book ordered looking forward to start it

[Hopeful1982 in reply to InTheMiddleOfIt]

That's great. Let me know how you get on. I hope it helps! x