My daughter has suffered with constipation and withholding her stools for over 3 years now. I feel like I’m at my wits end as the pre-school my daughter attends require for all pupils to be toilet trained. My daughter is toilet trained to wee in the toilet but is terrified about pooing in the toilet so will ask for a nappy. The policy is that for intimacy is suss they can’t clean her soiled nappy so I am called up and required to drive across town to clean her up. This has happened twice in an hour in the last two days. I can’t continue like this as have a job to keep!
Please, if anyone has advice for me I would really appreciate it. The education authority won’t take my case seriously unless my daughter’s issue has been formally diagnosed.
has anyone experienced anything similar?
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Belfastmum
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the school’s point is that because my daughter is in pre-school she isnt legally required to be there. There isn’t the funding to get an extra member of staff of board. Next year when when she’s in Reception there would be more of a case to support her. I just can’t bear another year like this!
Have you been referred to the continence team yet? They might be able to write a supporting letter? Also might be worth speaking to the GP. My daughter is nearly 11 and I have struggled with this for years. Just don’t back down, get as many health professionals on board as possible. Give your little girl lots of reassurance. Sorry to read about your struggles
I agree with the others on here - this issue will likely go on for a few more years for you so the sooner you get this classified as a disability, the better. You can not discriminate against children with a disability so you need to get this diagnosis. It may mean finding new doctors and making a huge fuss but it’s worth it. Best of luck to you! I know how hard this is a I promise it gets more manageable over time. I would also try her being naked from the waist down all weekend, most weekends and giving a nappy for a poo with a hole cut out the back so it plops on the floor. It worked with our son! Then we picked it up and put it in the potty without saying a thing or sometimes just ‘ oh naught poo, you belong in the potty!’ Then moved on with the day. Best of luck!!! X
you poor soul… this makes me so mad to read. Constipation and withholding at this age is so common. Your daughter - and ALL children in any educational setting - need patience and understanding, not pressure being piled on you and her by such ridiculousness. GRRRRR!!!!!!
Firstly, there are no quick fixes to constipation and withholding so I would focus on getting someone help you with a letter that tells the preschool they need to make a reasonable adjustment for her. Start with your GP. Do ask about whether there is a local paediatric continence nurse she could be referred to for extra support, to help you get on the right path. She is very little and she will get there with this, but there will be lots of dirty knickers between now and then, so you just need the support. There are lots of resources on the ERIC website too that you might be able to point the preschool to as well to educate them on childhood continence. eric.org.uk/wp-content/uplo...
Thanks for all your support everyone. It really has helped pull me out of the fog that has been hanging over me.
Called the GP again today who said that freya’s on the waiting list for the constipation clinic at the hospital but as there is no date yet to consider going private. My question is, is this going to get me any answers after forking out all this money for a specialist because I’m dubious.
Really sorry to hear about your daughter. we faced something similar over a year ago when our little one was starting school. We tried our GP initially who said she would grow out of it and tried to dissuade us from going private. We have been using movicol for two years now and after the first year of regular toilet time and rewards she is flowing freely now and going on play dates etc with a very small dose of movicol daily. Our visit to a private specialist was absolutely worth it for us as it reinforced what we were doing and was the first professional who really understood the issue. I would highly recommend (based on the private consultation also) as much movicol as needed to keep the flow easy and then it's a long journey to remove that deep routed fear and change the habit. We were told that the length of time withholding will be at least the same or more for recovery so the sooner you start the better.
hi have you tried the pooh song,. Or played a game. I used bears/dolls a toy potty and drew /coulred shapes to play a game. Have you tried music and bubbles to relax, also a toilet routine after all meals will help. Planty fibre and fluids, liquirice if she likes it. Will help
We are also struggling with poo for a few years now. Very similar story to yours. We paid for a letter from our GP to give to the school where it is mentioned that our little one has been diagnosed with incontinence. I am also called from home to "wipe her better" or when cream needs to be applied if there is a bit of redness. Our little one is wiping and cleaning herself at school to the best of her abilities. Things have improved slightly since we removed dairy from her diet at the moment we are on a waiting list to be seen by a paediatrician. School done everything possible to make it as hard for us as possible since special needs was not on the cards, they even went to Social Services due to the amount of absences, even if they were told that she is on Movicol and we do clear-outs to help with the constipation. As someone suggested if things don`t improve then we will be forced to go down the special needs route since school keep saying that our little one missed lessons etc and she is now behind.
I understand at older ages in primary school they have requirements for parents to go in and clean up kids if kids can’t do it themselves… but preschool is for nursery ages kids. Yes great if out of nappies, but our school based preschool change kids when they have accidents. So many of them came out with the teacher saying, he / she has had a change…
2 issues are - the school not dealing with it in everyone’s best interested. And of course, fixing the issue. Is it impaction needing disipaction and time for bowel to recover
I had this with both children and although we tried lots of different things but we found the one that worked was saying Mr or Mrs Poo really wanted to go and join their friends in happy Poo land. We made up a song a bit like a story and after a week or so it worked! It removed the stress and worry and made it a happy, celebratory thing.
thanks for all your understanding and advice. My concern is that if she does sit on the toilet and attempt to poo it comes out so thick and sticky (cow pat like) that it sticks to her butt cheeks. What do I do there then?!
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