Any suggestions on how to help a 4 year old use the toilet in school, when he refuses to if he is not with his parents ?

[Dolphin345678]

I have a 4 year old son, who has just started school reception and for the last year was in the school nursery (age 3 till age 4)

Whilst in school he will not use the school toilets.

He will only use the toilet when at home with me or my husband, or he will sometimes use toilets and the potty when he is out with me and my husband

he refuses to go to the toilet in school or anywhere else if he is not with us. But even when he is with us he will sometimes wet himself.

It has become quite a desperate situation as it’s been going on got over a year.

So when he is at home with us he never has accidents, and often when he is with us out and about he 70% of the time won’t have accidents and will use the potty / go on a tree / or use a toilet.

But the massive issue is he has 2-3 accidents every day in school, and he can’t really go to my mums or anyone’s as he won’t use the toilet without me being there.

We have tried everything possible

it is clearly Psychological, as he goes to the toilet 99% at home independently, at night time he is completely dry etc it’s possibly about attachment to me and my husband, and social anxiety?

there was so much pressure for him to get potty trained in time for school nursery starting we think this effected him.

I just wanted to see if there was anything you would suggest,

We have tried everything we have read up on these are some of the things;

Charts, treats and rewards , toilet seats and toilet steps

Taking all the pressure off

Stories about toilets with pictures

Actual story books on it

A photo of the family or his favourite cartoon character in the toilet

Going into the school toilet with him

But we are so so desperate to see him get breakthrough in this as it’s completely effecting him and us,

Thank you

[14crosstitch14]

Dose he have a toilet seat at home. We provided 1 for our child for school and that really helped. She still has accidents on the off accasions.

[Dolphin345678 in reply to 14crosstitch14]

We could try this - but I think the school did provide one and he still would not go - any other suggestions very welcome

[StellaLunaC]

I'm afraid I don't have suggestions, just solidarity. Exact same problem so I'm wanting advice here too. Probably not what you want to hear but my son has recently started year one and this is still going on but touch wood he doesn't have many accidents as he's like a camel holding it in! I don't like to think of him uncomfortable at school but I just don't see what's going to change his mindset. He's very anxious about doing "new" things for the first time (which this very much is to him) and as much as I tell him it's just the same as having a wee at home, he can't seem to get past this. I have tried going into the toilets with him at the end of school but he won't even go with me there.

[Dolphin345678]

Thank you if anything does end up helping your son please do let us know

[14crosstitch14]

Give him something thats either a picture like a keyring or something with their smell on? Calm him with positive thoughts.

[14crosstitch14]

My sd's school let us leave a toilet seat for her, the 1st year that really helped. She dosen't need it now. Maybe that'll help.