My son is 4 in two months time, but I’m having terrible trouble with him pooping himself.
He uses the toilet for a wee perfectly fine however when he needs to go for a number two he refuses and would rather do it in this pants.
I have tried everything I can possibly think of from charts, to stickers, to blowing bubbles.
It’s becoming a major issue now as he’s soiling himself in school and I’m getting phone calls to leave work (lucky my boss is good one) to pick him up.
I also get the feeling his likes holding it in too
Please help!!
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JodinaThomas_
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Sorry no advice to give but I feel you! My daughter was 4 in February and she is due to start school in September. She goes to the loo for a wee perfectly fine and it’s also been a year now that she’s decided she doesn’t want a nighttime nappy. And she’s had not wee accidents ever at night! Yet when it comes to poo she will happily poo her pants twice a day! It is rare that she will go to the toilet for a poo. We have tried everything. I don’t know what to do anymore!
And have just joined this group for support and advice as I seem to be spending my evenings searching the internet to find out what’s wrong with her!
Are you UK based? Because school (I’m assuming at your child’s age this is nursery school) should NOT be calling you to come and collect him/clean it up. Soiling at school is classed as a disability and school has to make adaptations to be inclusive. If your child is having to sit there in their soiled pants that won’t be helping their confidence in overcoming this.
Also big empathy, much of this could have been written by me last year. We’re still not completely there a year later. I think trying to understand the why is really important in trying to support your child.
In our case it was a combination of three things: a) undiagnosed lactose intolerance, b) hyper focus, c) all children work on different schedules and it’s likely she just got there later than others. For others, fear (of pooing, of the toilet) can be hugely important. From getting an idea of the why you can try and think of how to resolve the specific issues.
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Practically what helped as a stage with my daughter was a period of sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after the three main meals, to take the pressure away from her having to recognise the sensations and stop what she was doing. That worked well as I honestly don’t think she had the developmental skills to be able to have independence then. Mind you, she’s only ever withheld during play rather than due to fear so if she needed to poo whilst sitting on a toilet, she did.
Thank you! Yes we’re UK basedz she’s at nursery now but she starts school in September and of course school should follow appropriate guidelines and not discriminate etc and I expect they won’t but worried about her social interactions if she continues to have accidents twice a day! She’s so stubborn if I ask her to sit in the loo she won’t do it but perhaps I may have to start bribing her with an iPad! Problem is it wil be so difficult to take off her afterwards! 😳
I feel you, the impending start of school was such an anxiety for me, particularly as it all seemed such a pickle right before starting (we only identified the food intolerance about 6 weeks before starting). But a) 4 months is still a long time developmentally, b) soiling in reception age kids is less uncommon than you think when they’re in it and teachers can be brilliantly sensitive, and c) sometimes kids are more conditioned to poo at home than at school - our daughter has only had 3 poo accidents actually at school over two terms, which is an amazing outcome.
What helped set up our sitting routine was a token system. One token for every sit, another got a poo. After x amount of tokens she could cash them in for a small toy, for her it was a Little Miss book or a half price Lego friends character (thank you eBay!). At first she had to get 3 tokens so she could theoretically claim something each day, then 4, 5, 6 etc. By 11 she was used to the routine and didn’t need them anymore. Then there were cleanable toys and books arranged around the loo to encourage her to sit for 10 mins.
Tablets are a tricky one - we sometimes offered it but I tried to avoid it as a rule because she would be focusing so much on that she wouldn’t be noticing physical sensations, but we’ve used it intermittently and not ended up with a reliance.
I was worried about when and how to stop this to start giving her the challenge of independence but she decided for us. She started getting quite argumentative about some sits and we realised those were the ones she wasn’t pooing, which was great, she had picked up more awareness of her body! So it became more of a “do you want to?” so she could decide.
Just on the I pad point - we use the iPad and it was great to get him to sit there long enough. I was also concerned about getting away from it but we sometimes just take our time to get it to him, so say “you got sit on the toilet and I will bring it” and often now he will have gone and finished without it. For me it was worth facing the later problem as it helped us so much!
I could be writing this too. Mine is a little younger but the same problem! I've tried sticker charts, things in jars, chocolate, bubbles, bought poo books and even made up a song. She just does it in her pants, she doesn't even try to use the toilet but perfect with wee's. She has poo issues as she had a bout of constipation a year ago and is on cosmocol meds because she withholds. You may need to get some meds if he is withholding. Like you, I'm stuck! Ive spoken with GP, HV and even a child psychologist who did tell me that they don't care about pooing their pants until their about 8. I know how worrying and upsetting it is. Hope you get some good advice here but you've got this mumma. X
Aww thanks! Not sure she’s withholding..how do you know? I spoke to a HV and have started giving her a couple of chopped dates every morning shortly after she wakes up. I do have to cut a couple of chocolate buttons into small pieces in there to make sure she eats the dates. But I have an appointment with the GP in a couple wheels..maybe that will lead to something..
Problem is I don’t know if she is constipated.. or here was a period in her life (maybe 6 months or more ago?) whereby she didn’t poo often (maybe once a week) and now she has accidents every day.. not a normal sized poop.. mainly a tiny one. So not sure it has anything to do with constipation.. also she tells me she can’t feel it coming out but not sure I’m asking her a leading question and she’s just agreeing.. ggrr
If you're just getting bits, she might be a little constipated. I see my girl sometimes clenching to hold it in but not always. If she has little bits that are stuck between her bum cheeks, then that is normally due to clenching? Cosmocol does stop her being able to withhold it but getting the dosage right between too much and not enough is really difficult. My little one also says that she can't feel it but like you, don't know if that's true. Good luck x
My step daughter holds herself in. She was apparently told their was monsters so i have told her theirs no monsters then she said it to her little sister when i sat her on the toilet. She lives 50/ 50 between homes and dosen't carry her routine on at either home, she's very stubborn. So hard just to get an appoinment to change her lactolose. She's epileptic.
It’s so frustrating for them and us. I wish i could understand it all so I can help.
My boy is so forward in every other aspect of life but this is what we are struggling with. Thank you so much, feels like I’m not alone in this. Can I ask about the jars? That’s the only thing I haven’t tried ?
We had this with my daughter, up until around 6 weeks ago. We tried everything, but the book Help! I poo my pants for girls changed everything. There’s a boys version too. Book is by James Parkin. Good luck!
Hi, I have a question for all the mum's here, I was just going to ask agdkd but might aswell ask everyone,Is you child aware they need to poo before soiling themselves, and if they are regular soilers is it at roughly the same time most days?
I look after a friend's 3 and 5 year old sons, I potty trained the 3 year old before christmas, not long after he had turned 3, and it was so easy, Ben would be very fidgety if he had done anything in his nappy, but I noticed that really he was signalling what he was doing, grabbing at the front for wee, holding his bum then running to hide for a poo, within a week he was reliably clean and dry.
His big brother it completely different, his mum openly admits she left potty training to late and was afraid to even start.
Jacob is nearly 6 and not toilet trained, he knows when he's wet, and can pee sitting on the toilet but he doesn't seem to know when he needs to poo.
He soils his pullups frequently through the day his poo varies between small lumps like chocolate raisins to runny porrage with little to no middle ground, he knows when he has runny poo and will complain of tummy ache, but the little poos he denies any knowledge of, there just little things like blobs of clay and they aren't smelly, is it possible he is passing them without noticing or is he fibbing and doing them on purpose.
I'm desperate to get him toilet trained, as are the school who have him on a toilet schedule, but his mum is largely indifferent and isn't willing to take him to the doctor's for checks.
I'm worried that this will hold him back if it continues being an issue, any advice is much appreciated.
Sorry for such a late reply!My daughter actually says she isn’t aware of it before it comes out.
I didn’t think that’s possible and then I started reading more and more on the subject and constipation does that over time I.e. the colon stretches so that the nerves are desensitised.
We had a go appointment today and she actually felt her tummy and confirmed that she has constipation so she’s prescribed movicol. I can’t believe how long she has to have the treatment for!
We were similar with my son who is now 5, and it isn’t until recently that I have become more informed and realised that our problems started when toilet training. I’m sure your situation could be down to many things but in case it is constipation and withholding I would highly recommend getting a book called ‘the ins and outs of poop’ which really helped me to understand and work on our issues. I just got it from Amazon after a recommendation in this group. This made me realise that my son could not actually feel when he needed to go therefore any poos on the toilet were purely accidental when he was there for a wee. He also because of this didn’t really know how to push as he couldn’t feel it so we then worked on this. Now he still can’t feel it but has a routine of sitting on the toilet first thing in the morning and after meals (or when he gets home from school) with the tablet on his lap so he is willing to stay there long enough. He actually chooses to play on the school learning apps so this covers homework too! He is on cosmocol too from the docs to soften everything and make it easier. We are by no means fixed and still working on it but it’s huge progress since reading that book. Good luck, I hope this helps!
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