Does anyone else feel guilty?

[MummyBee9]

First ever post. My son (almost 5) has been having soiling issues, constipation etc ever since we toilet trained at 3. He is a healthy happy bright boy. He eats a good mixed diet (yes I give him treats, but he’s had 3 balanced meals today including weetabix, fresh veg, Wholemeal bread, baked beans, Chicken as healthy protein and 3 pieces of fruit). We’ve seen GP numerous times, dietician etc etc. Used laxatives etc etc. Everytime I think things are getting better and I “forget about the issue” we seem to every have 2/3 days of dirty pants multiple times a a day. He’s due back at school next week and I feel awful because he’s not clean for the teachers. I feel guilty as a mum that I get frustrated and blame myself. Does anyone else??

[PinkSciFi]

Yep - I feel really guilty.

I frequently have to remind myself what are the things I can control (what food the kids are offered, organising checkups with the doctor, reminding our son to sit on the toilet after meals, etc) and things I can’t control (whether my son takes himself to the toilet when he needs to go, whether he actually does a poo when he’s on the toilet, etc). And then I try not to beat myself up about the things in the second list (easier said than done sometimes!)

[Bambie83]

I feel guilty too - especially before I realised it was a constipation issue, I felt like a complete failure.

But try not to! You are doing a good job and there are lots of things that can make the body constipated which you just can’t control.

Ask Pinkscifi said concentrating on the things you can control and try not to worry in the things you can’t.

Also you are not alone on this.

[Zigzag27]

Oh gosh I feel so guilty. I worry I’m putting him through disimpacting without knowing for sure and it kills me.

At least we are trying our best. That’s all we can do.

Xx

[MummyBee9]

Thank you for your replies 😊

I’m sure we’re all doing our best by our little people. Nothing worse than mummy guilt. Just wish the doctors seemed to have more clear advice and could explain why.

Good luck x

[JamesParkin]

Please do not feel guilty or blame yourself for your son's soiling. When I was his age, I frequently messed my pants, but it wasn't my mother's fault. She was not responsible for my choosing to try to withhold my poo instead of using the toilet, and then having dirty pants afterwards. As others have pointed out, you cannot force a child to poo in the toilet.

Best of luck in helping your son to overcome his issues. If you think the problem is that he is trying to keep his poo inside his body then you could try reading through my short blog with him which tells my own story in simple language: theboywhopooedhispants.blog...

Or you could get him my new book, "Help! I Poo My Pants - For Boys", for his 5th birthday! bigredsock.com/help-i-poo-m...

[MummyBee9 in reply to JamesParkin]

Thank you. I will take a look. We try not to get angry but your blog reminded me that praise is more constructive, so thank you.