Son refuses to wee most of the time. He is fully toilet trained and now wets the bed frequently

[Countrymama]

I'd really appreciate any advice or ideas. My son is only 4 but he refuses to go for a wee most of the time when he obviously needs one. Occasionally when he's about to wet himself he will make a dash for it and these days, usually makes it. He won't go before we go on a trip for example or if you suggest it when he's dancing around holding his crotch.

. This is especially a problem at night because he then wets the bed. Party because he refuses to go before bed and it turns into a battle and partly because he holds it in for so long in the day I think his bladder no longer alerts him as it should . He quickly toilet trained at age 3 and was out of nappies right away. After a few weeks he was also dry at night. However, since he was about 3 1/2 he just refuses to wee when he really needs to go. He's dancing around, holding himself etc, obviously really needing to go so when we ask do you need the loo he just wouldn't. He has improved slightly as the months have gone on during the day, but really does hold it in. He did used to wet himself a lot in the day because he refused to go and then left it too late to make it. He's very strong willed and stubborn about lots of things. I realise it may be a power thing but we just don't know what to do. He went from hardly ever wetting the bed to wetting pretty much every other night. I have a 2 year old as well and another baby very soon its getting a lot of work for me and it upsets him at night as it wakes him and then he gets upset as has to have certain pj's to change into etc and just cries a lot. I do just try to change him and the bed as fast as possible so he can get back to sleep (and not wake my other child) . My son has not had any new stress in his life like new childcare, bereavement, bullying or new siblings (yet). We are quite gentle and follow attachment parenting (that does not mean that we are permissive) . We do not tell him off for wetting the bed we just clean up, but we do remind him before bed and after wetting that he needs to go before bed or this happens and please go if u need to wee in the day time. He has no health problems and physically no issues going or pain. We tried rewarding toileting a long time ago but it seemed wrong because its something we just all have to do, it didn't work, and he just refused anyway and when he did he expected a gift, then expected a gift whenever he did anything asked of him. I'm not sure what to do but it's really wearing me down and I'm concerned as its difficult with the other children to deal with too!

[betty76]

Hiya, i just had to reply as i can relate to most of what you say and you sound at the end of your rope

Without going on too much, my daughter is 4 and a half, started school in Sept, and after a month or so i had to put her back in pull ups as being there set her back so much. She'd never had a totally dry day even before school (we started potty training at 3 and tried EVERYTHING it felt like, and had lots of screaming, crying, kicking and appointments with pediatricians/ doctors) but i hoped she might copy everyone else at school...

The teacher didn't seem able to cope with it and she was getting sore and smelly so i put her back in pull ups but after a care plan meeting with the school nurse last week she seems to be getting it at last. She now has a paw patrol reward chart in the toilet at school and the same at home which seems to have made something click though. Maybe if that's something you haven't tried (though it sounds like you've tried everything) it could be worth a go?...

I only have one child and I've found the process unbelievably stressful so i can't imagine how you feel with 2 and another on the way lots of luck with it all and i can recommend ranting on here when you need to!!

Xx