Ready to give up

Ben will be 8 in March. He never really cracked potty training - one week would be dry, the next week wet, then half and half.

He wets every day and most days he poos. He is very wet overnight so wears a pull up/nappy and he has now started to poo in that when he is lying in bed.

We have been under the continence nurse for years (now discharged as made no difference), seen paediatricians (nothing medically wrong) and tried all sorts of medicines (movicol, senatot, desmomelts and more) and nothing works - it seems to be pure laziness.

He smells every day but school say nobody says anything.

I'm now at the stage of giving up - I cannot see how he is ever going to stop doing this when he can't even go to the toilet which is ten feet away and it's starting to affect everything.

If anybody has any other ideas that could possibly help us, please share.

Thank you.

13 Replies

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  • Poor you, miserable business, my daughter nearly 8 too with loads of accidents.. Do you think you could get referred to a different paediatritian/ continence service anywhere? Expect you've thought of that already (!) but it seems that a totally fresh pairs of eyes & new opinion would make sense if other things havent worked.. school nurse for inspiratiom maybe? Think that doing anything on your own sounds very tough, and making a nusciance of yourself until someone listens can sometimes be successful. I found ERIC helpline to be extremly kind & understanding, if you havent contacted them recently maybe could do again, they might know of local services or a tertiary referral plave when local opinion has failed. Finding ways to get psychological support might also be helpful. Hang in there X

  • Thank you - will give them a call x

  • We have this - after a fight we have got in with camhs to look at it for psychology assessment.

  • Hi Jayjay / how did you manage it? Ben was referred but didn't meet criteria.

  • Kept going back to the GP - if they ruled all medical reasons etc it took us over 3 years. They say it might never change- he is 9 and the same - pee etc at the table than walk 10 feet to the toilet and all the other stuff - wet at night (not even thinking about that ) etc etc

  • I might try docs again then - clinic was rubbish - movicol and stickers 😔

  • I was so angry at movicol & stickers - they had idea the hell the whole family was going through. I wrote to the GP a letter how it really was as I found I couldn't say it properly out loud - I either cried, lied, embarrassed etc etc and went without my son. I had to jump through two years of hoops at least before even listened too. I had a family worker visit my home weekly - she then referred on - I attended a asd course even though he has no diagnosis. Nothing has changed - and I don't know many people who would even begin to understand when your child just doesn't seem to care etc we started getting a lot of anger with it all too.

    Hang in there - even if you get a family worker to start with which was via council they try sticker charts they soon realise they are out of depth and refer onwards eventually camhs - I think you can even self refer for family help via council - may depend where you live.

  • Ps sorry just a thought so you have the school nurse involved? Try and keep all the paperwork from any appointments and is there anything like development delays such as motor skills?

  • Sorry to hear about this and the stress it's causing. I would suggests, as above, trying to get referral to CAMHS. I have no experience of this process so cannot offer any more help. X

  • We never met the threshold for CAMHs either but did see a psychologist and after many discussions and me having therapy (that's what it felt like anyway) it became very clear that our son wasn't mature enough to really get to grips with the why he shouldn't Poo himself. His mind has very slowly caught up with why we need to poo regularly. He didn't wet unless he was impacted though so I'm not much use there. One thing he did sometimes do though was get so caught up in what he was doing or watching that he would leave it too late sometimes to get to the loo to wee.

  • Also we had to be really strong with him as he is so strong willed and take away things unless he did as he was told and sit regularly. Every sit then got him extra time on the things he loves. Our routine is so rigid now that he takes himself off to try without being asked. Keep going don't give up and keep in touch here.

  • Talking to other mums and dads has been an eye opener too. Some mums I see regularly have increased their child's fluids and this is helping with night time wetting as they are needing to go more often. Anyone doing this too?

  • Hi

    I'm sorry you are going through this.

    My son is 4 and a half and similarly he won't use the toilet even if it's really close by. It makes me very sad and at times down.

    I'm trying to look at it a different way. Whilst we aren't sure there is not a medical reason for this, there is definitely a psychological element too. For me a win is just as much that he will tell me about an accident than doing a stool on the toilet. He suffers loose bowels, but even when they are normal, I think he is just so anxious to use the toilet that he avoids it. I know that desperate feeling, how overwhelming it is. I don't have the answers I'm afraid but I'm listening and understand

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