When to "give up"?

[man0]

For post-prostatectomy ED, the initial question for men is most often "how long until recovery" (naturally, seems obvious as to why). Doctors give advice that ranges considerably; in my case, the initial range quoted was 6-18 months. Around month 12, upon seeing my consternation that I was already at 12 months with a lot of recovery yet to go, they started quoting the more traditional "2 years", and even fudged that with "2-3 years".

I'm now at 28 months with, still, more recovery needed for reasonable usability. The good news is that, apparently, recovery is still occurring, at least it seems so. I realize healing rates vary widely among men, due to variations in age, fitness, health, etc. (e.g., personally I think prostate size can have a significant impact: for me, my enormous 104cc prostate meant that I was on the operating table 5+ hours, allowing that much more time for potential nerve damage to occur as even a highly skilled surgeon is bound to get tired by then).

My question: at what point should a man give up and admit he'll never recover? I've heard anecdotal stories from different sources of post-RP men having improvements beyond 3 years, even at 5 years. But it would seem at some point, one must "accept his fate". Is that 7 years? 8? 10? The underlying question is, how do you know when the nerve healing has "completed its course"?

For men who want to consider the penile implant, this would seem a critical question, since that point of realizing you are not going to recover by yourself might be the point at which you finally decide to have this irrevocable surgical procedure. (My wife and I have decided the implant won't be an option for us, for other reasons. But I'd still like to know what others think.)

My approach at this time is just "never give up, keep trying" but I suspect at some point that might change. (Or of course, I could die before then too.)

[tom0910]

I'm curious as to why an implant is not an option. I have an implant and it was the best decision of my life. The key is to only go with one of the best surgeons in the country that specialize in implants.

[man0 in reply to tom0910]

Since you asked: there are two reasons, one just me, and one for both of us:

(1) I've tried the injections - they create a very solid and long-lasting (almost too long, sometimes) erection. But there's an accompanying numbness, lack of sensation, "swollen" feeling that makes it absolutely impossible for me to orgasm during penetration (not enough nerve stimulation possible). For me, that's the primary reason for doing it and that's not possible. (And I've learned how to help my wife "ring the bell" without penetration, so she doesn't need it for that either.) I'm picturing the implant to have the same problem, but unlike the injections where I can just decide to stop using them, if you get the implant, you're stuck with it for life - no reversing it.

(2) For both of us, a critical part of the lovemaking experience is observing each other's body physically respond to the other's presence. That forms a wonderful "feedback loop", where the visible reaction of one in turn excites a response from the other, and that builds to a finality. We're both convinced the implant would break that feedback loop for us: "my" visible excitement wouldn't be generated by my own mind, it would merely be the results of physics (hydraulics) triggered by me "pushing the button". We feel that would so severely limit the satisfaction level for both of us. My wife has joked she'd feel like she was having sex with a robot, and frankly, I would feel a bit like a robot.

Everyone's different. Congratulations, I'm very happy that it has worked for you (and partner).