Wow! Anyone ever been dumped for having endometriosis?

So last night this guy I'd been seeing ended things by saying "I'm not sure I can cope with all this"

Charming huh! Does he think I like dealing with all of this!

Another thing he said was he likes having a physical relationship too much to not be able to have one all the time. Rally I cannot believe people like this exist!

I feel so angry and depressed and humiliated.

Has anyone else been through this? I really hope you haven't but would love to speak to anyone who has.

Hugs to you all

Hayley x

14 Replies

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  • Oh hon!! Sounds like u got a lucky escape to be honest, what a prick. I have had similar in the past, my husbands excuse for having an affair a few years back was because we couldn't have sex & he was sick of me being sick. He came crying back and hes been supportive since (we did split up for a year & a half - im not quite that soft). So I know how u feel, it's not our fault we have this illness & I think men just don't understand it. He admitted that that was just an excuse and the real reason was he was freaking out about getting married, clearly he thought there would be less chance of me ditching him if he made out like it was my fault. Which is probably the same in ur case, he's probably using it as an excuse to cover up his own insecurities, so please don't blame yourself!! You know what some guys r like, immature, cant take responsibilty for their own thoughts & feelings & use Whatever excuse thry can muster. It's horrible I know, but there's someone out there who will love u & who will realise that it's not all about sex. I know it's easier said than done, but forget about that lowlife & move on. U know what they say - if he cant handle you at ur worst, then he sure as hell doesnt deserve u at ur best. I really really hope u feel better soon pet, please contact me if u want a chat :-) hugs xxx

  • Hi BelfastRach

    Thanks for replying.

    I can't believe the same has happened to you, was nice to hear im not the only one but cant believe there is more than 1 selfish buggar about!

    I genuinely think that if the shoe was on the other foot I would be a loyal supportive girlfriend who would try to do everything I could for this person suffering.

    What really made me smile though was putting the music playlist on on my phone, I put it on random and the 1st song that came on was Bruno mars, just the way you are. What a perfect song! I sang it as the top of my voice, if he doesn't think I'm amazing just the way I am then sod him. Like you said somebody will (hopefully)

    Only trouble is I've got to go through all this dating malarkey again. But hopefully the next guy won't be an asshole!

    Thanks babe x

  • Awwh i like this comment i agree my ex was a ass about my condition in a emotional way he said i was arguementive and what not but i really didn't have the moodyness problem then lol however he cheated on me and she is welcome to him i met a guy now that is amazing i do get the moody spells now but my boyfriend is amazing and he is supportive your comment made me think of him because thats his song to me bruno mars-just the way you are <3

  • Hasn't happened to me, but I'm really sorry to hear your story. Some men are awful. But you really are amazing the way you are, and I hope you find someone who appreciates you properly soon.

    Good luck.

  • Thanks Aquitaine

    I knew all the girls on here would understand and be supportive

    Lots of love xx

  • Hi,

    To be honest, yes I have!!! Several times, in fact, before I met my husband in 1997. I was diagnosed in 1994 and was 24 years old. I met a few guys in between and some of them dumped me, whereas others were dumped. It is hard when you're unwell and in and out of hospital. Some men want to smother you, when you least of all need it. Other men can't cope with you being in pain. They can't cope with your mood, even though it's caused by drug therapy for your endo. They can't cope with the painful sex side of things and just find the whole endo thing too intense. It's not easy for them and they do tend to get swept aside when you are having a bad day. When you are poorly, like us girls with endo, you tend to become focused on your periods, doctors appointments, surgery dates etc. etc. You get used to discussing really personal things with people you wouldn't normally talk to. And it comes down to whether or not a guy in your life can cope with the down to earth basics.

    My husband met me when I was in a good place. 3 months later I was in hospital having an ovary removed. 8 weeks later he had to sit outside a room in Turkey whilst I was being examined by a Turkish gynecologist, when we were supposed to be on holiday together!!! And yet, he didn't bat an eyelid. So it takes someone really special to understand the ups and downs that come with endo. If a guy can't cope with basic period pains, how is he going to cope with talking about bladders, bowels and bloody nasty periods?

    Therefore, if someone dumps you because "they" can't cope, then they are not worth the effort. It's as simple as that. It is tough and it is really unfair. But, there are some good men out there who do and can live with endo for the rest of their married lives. It's not easy holding down a relationship at the best of times. And it's bloody hard work when you are unwell. But if they love you and want to be with you, no matter what, then you know you have met the right guy.

    Be patient...he's out there somewhere!!!!!!

    Ax

  • OMG what a complete arse you were with, it sounds like you have had a lucky escape. I havent been dumped by a guy but i ended a relationship because of many things. The main big reason was that he said eveything i am going through is in my head and all a pack of lies - i have stage 4 endo and a whole load of complications with it, the consultants appts and scars from the laps apparently werent evidence enough for him. One evening we were out with his friends as a "goodbye" evening as he was due to start a tour of Afgan, i was in absolute agony to the point where i couldnt move to pick up my drink i was stuck to the chair, the tears were streaming down my face, i couldnt hide in the loo but i just couldnt hold them back, he came up to me and said "you could at least put a smile on your face this is my last night of freedom and you'll be the one feeling guilty that you didnt make an effort if i dont make it back" i told him it was my period and he replied with "why dont you go to a&e" i refused so he said "you cant be that bad then if your not prepared to go, you are such an attention seeker" i told him on many occasion that i wouldnt go to a&e as i was awaiting my corrective surgery but he wouldnt listen. He was back when i had surgery and said he would stay over at mine but i never saw him, i was on flat bed rest for 3days, he went go karting and to alton towers and said there was more to his leave than looking after me, he wanted sex after 3 weeks!

    I suppose what im trying to say is that the guys that treat us like this are not worth being with. I have found someone now who is amazingly supportive, i am on prostap injections and i am soooooo moody, tired and exhausted all the time but he is so reassuring and understands what i am going through. You will find somebody that will accept who you are and will stand by you :-)

    xx

  • Endometriosis is bad enough with having a rubbish man in our life too!

    If a man cannot cope to the point he says he can't stay then he is not a man you need in your life.

    I remember when I was first diagnosed after years of complaining to the gp and gynae (waste of breath) my partner of 5 years was very supportive he was the one who demanded the doctors took me seriously and he looked after me more than I thought any man could. A rare gem he was.

    The problem was me, I could not come to terms with being unwell, the end had gotten so severe and untreated that I could not walk without someone helping me.

    I was soooooo angry, and felt a failure in the relationship, I became so sensitive I could not even been cuddled because my whole body was tense and my nervous system was on high alert.

    After months of tension and my hating myself and everyone, I left him, this was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life, I was soo selfish, but I thought I was doing him a favour giving him a better life without me the burden!

    Looking back I can see what I foolish move that was, I wondered for a while whether I will ever be treated like that Queen again...

    I can see I'm still amazing now even though I have endo and most do not feel amazing, it should not stop me loving myself so others can love me.

    I'm married again now thank God because I need the support, my hubby knows what he has got himself into, but I am a different woman now, the bad moods, emotional instability and anger have become part of my character. I hate that, I hate being moody and miserable, always in tears! I wish I could be the person I used to be happy, active, almost carefree and without the constant debilitating pains.

    I get scared sometimes thinking that my husband does not know me any other way, and he may think I am just a horrible woman and regret being with me, but he is very patient I know he does to fully understand but I am hoping that the Lord puts mercy and understanding between us and blesses me with patience.

    A man who knows you have endo and wants to be with you is a real man, a real gem and a rare find, but there are men like that out there. The endo test is the best test, if it does not make him leave then he is for keeps!

    When a man does his research and finds out about your illness and tries to help you find things to help you, that shows he cares about the endo and he cares about you.

    I hope you find a man who will be your charming prince and you can be his amazing Queen.

  • To nella, digger and hopefully.

    Just wanted to thank all 3 of your for your posts.

    It's amazing how supportive everyone is on here. As much as I love my friends & family they don't really truly understand like you girls too.

    Am keeping my chin up & staying positive. Your kind words really helped.

    Love to you all

    Xxxxx

  • Hi hun, sorry to hear that this guy does not understand whats its like to have Endo! i showed my husband a few websites/videos from other people as i dont think he realised what its like to have it. As i have recently found out that he has been having an affair as we couldnt have sex as it was so painful! i also dont feel attractive or sexy because of the uncomfortableness!! i hate it. He says it just not because or the sex thing its because i didnt get close to him, but as you women know its the last thing on our minds when we are in pain. im on HRT and prostap so my hormones are all over the place with a zero sex drive!:(

    its easy to say no man is worth it when you get treated like this but when you have kids and a house etc with them its complicated! you seem you have had a lucky escape, you can see from the other peoples comments there are men out there that do care and you can be respected for who you are and what you have.) good luck.xx

  • I have had exs who never understood what its like to have endo they just thought i used it as a excuse for being complicated and moody & whatever else at times but i didn't choose to be in this situation to have this condition and if im very honest i wouldn't believe i was moody or complicated anyways because if they didn't treat you like nothing on top of your own things you going through you wouldn't be moody and stressed out? anyways your better of out of that relationship because "sex" is overated these days sure people like to have sex but when its taking over there own feelings there personality thats just rediculous.

    find a man who aint a idiot who understands and supports you through everything he probs wont understand everything but show him how to understand if hes intrested. Ive met the perfect guy now and hes very supportive he doesn't always understand but he trys and that is all that matters to me and if the shoes were on the other foot which they kinda are because my boyfriend got condition to but obv not endo! lol im here for him to and try my best to understand all i know its all or nothing through good and bad or i dont want to be in a relationship.

    That guy did you a favour!

    Move on you deserve more

  • Hi love,

    unfortunately I have been through it several times myself. Im 29 and have been suffering with endo for 11yrs. I have had a few relationships where they have been fully understanding.

    All I can say from my past experiences is as heart renching as it can be you have to love me because of my flaws not in spite of them.

    I really hope you find someone who s truly deserving and dont let it get to you hun xx

  • Massive thank you's to everyone for answering, it's been 2 weeks now and I'm totally over him. His loss like you all said.

    Onwards & upwards eh?

    Lots of love to you all

    Couldn't do it without you :-*

  • What a shit head he is!

    And certainly does not deserve you!

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