Anxiety, worry and fertility

[Disneynala]

I found out I had endo in December through an ultrasound which detected endometrioma cysts on both ovaries and my ovaries are kissing ( stuck together). The gyno at the time put me on the pill and told me not to have surgery if possible I was then dismissed. I then saw a private endo consultant in July who also examined me and said I have stage 3/4 endo and he could feel a lot of tissue in my pouch of Douglas and fullness in the bowel. He told me I had a less then 10% chance of getting pregnant atm but once I have the surgery my chances will rise to up to 70% and had to stop trying for a baby until I have surgery. I am not dealing with this at all. I’m finding it really difficult to come to Terms with. I’ve been referred to the consultant on the NHS but haven’t heard anything yet and the wait is driving me mad. I am so desperate for a baby and feel like i will never be able to experience being a mum something I have dreamed of my whole life. I’m so worried about my fertility even though I’m a very healthy and fit person. I feel like this disease is stopping me from being a proper woman where I can give my husband a child, our family a grandchild etc. It’s so hard. Everyone around me is getting pregnant and although I’m happy for them i also feel extremely jealous. I feel like no one understands how I feel.

I’m not sure whether I should see my gp but feel silly going about my mental health.

[wanwood]

It is so hard. The good news is that you will start getting your head around this really hard news that things may not be as easy as you imagined, and you will start coming to terms with it as the "new normal", over time, if you let yourself. It won't always feel this awful but it is a big deal to process and to take in, and it takes time. In the mean time, just be kind to yourself and avoid situations that are going to make you feel worse, where you can. Whatever happens, you are a proper woman!

I know it's hard but there is no point panicking until you've been trying to conceive for a year without success (or tried IVF if they advise you to go straight to that). I know some surgeons like say to put a number on it with percentages but mine wouldn't because no one really can predict these things. For a lot of people, they can still conceive naturally, and others can do it with the help of IVF or other treatment. There are lots of people with stage 3/4 on this forum who are mothers of biological children. All you can do is take things one day at a time.

I am the only person in my immediate circle of family and friends with infertility issues and it's tough when no one can relate. I went through a time of desperately wanting to talk about it but there being no one other than my husband who was also struggling with the news. I have since found a few people to talk to but I also don't feel I need or want to talk about it anymore, as it happens.

Could you try the Endometriosis UK helpline as a listening ear, as the first port of call? There may be a support group in your area, too. Or yes, try your GP and see if you can be referred for some counselling. My NHS fertility clinic also provides free counselling for people accessing the service.

Hope things work out soon for you xx

[Disneynala in reply to wanwood]

Thankyou so much for your reply. It means a lot to me to hear your advice. It really is hard to come to terms with hopefully I will start to get used to and understand this condition soon. Thankyou again for your advice x

[PDS21]

I am in a similar situation as you and can definitely relate with how it affects you mentally. I’ve had an ultrasound showing an Endometrioma on my right ovary and been referred to a gyno. Going on my first appointment on Monday. I’m currently engaged and I feel extremely guilty that I might not be able to conceive going into marriage. ( all I keep thinking is that he deserves someone who has a better chance of giving him a child) I’m worrying about things I don’t know about yet and trying to tell myself that I don’t know any details about the scan yet except what the doctor told me they found and what I’ve been reading. It does play in your mind and it’s something you can help. I do think talking to the doctor about it might help ( I also need to take the same advice).