Good morning and happy New year.
I have been having lots of thoughts and I believe this is the best place to say it or maybe vent... Anyway I am not entirely happy or proud with what I am about to say....
Firstly although family should be my first support I don't entirely feel like this. My relationship with my mom started deteriorating more than 10yeara ago and although I live with my parents we are constantly arguing. When I was sick and doctors could not help me with my periods she said I am just more sensitive and gave some strong pils.( In Romania the doctors who know about endometriosis are still countable on fingers...I was not diagnosed until I years after arriving in London ). My dad is the type of person who keeps everything inside but it is difficult to tell him of my women pains... Lastly I am engaged to my husband to be (March 2016) and with each day I see him becoming close to my mom's character....
Situation is like this I want to stop expecting my family to understand the darkness of my soul I just want to go on with life. After being told by doctors to get pregnant since 2012 and a laparoscopy in 2015 I am 8 weeks pregnant. I lost one of the twins already and the one left doctors said it is a waiting game. I have been bleeding since week 5 and I do not were I am going.
I lost any sexual wish and my boyfriend doesn't come near me when I am bleeding. It was the same before my laparoscopy I bleed for months and he just did not like it. I can't make him love if he will end up covered in blood or cloots...
I want to leave this behind I want firstly me to get up. I am angry of not having relationships until very old, sexual activity , taking any pils etc and be where I am now. Miscarriage, bleeding and who knows how worse it will be in future. I need to get stronger and I need to expect less from people who cannot see what is happening inside me...
Any suggestions are welcome, same for critics , everything is welcome...