New thoughts

Good morning and happy New year.

I have been having lots of thoughts and I believe this is the best place to say it or maybe vent... Anyway I am not entirely happy or proud with what I am about to say....

Firstly although family should be my first support I don't entirely feel like this. My relationship with my mom started deteriorating more than 10yeara ago and although I live with my parents we are constantly arguing. When I was sick and doctors could not help me with my periods she said I am just more sensitive and gave some strong pils.( In Romania the doctors who know about endometriosis are still countable on fingers...I was not diagnosed until I years after arriving in London ). My dad is the type of person who keeps everything inside but it is difficult to tell him of my women pains... Lastly I am engaged to my husband to be (March 2016) and with each day I see him becoming close to my mom's character....

Situation is like this I want to stop expecting my family to understand the darkness of my soul I just want to go on with life. After being told by doctors to get pregnant since 2012 and a laparoscopy in 2015 I am 8 weeks pregnant. I lost one of the twins already and the one left doctors said it is a waiting game. I have been bleeding since week 5 and I do not were I am going.

I lost any sexual wish and my boyfriend doesn't come near me when I am bleeding. It was the same before my laparoscopy I bleed for months and he just did not like it. I can't make him love if he will end up covered in blood or cloots...

I want to leave this behind I want firstly me to get up. I am angry of not having relationships until very old, sexual activity , taking any pils etc and be where I am now. Miscarriage, bleeding and who knows how worse it will be in future. I need to get stronger and I need to expect less from people who cannot see what is happening inside me...

Any suggestions are welcome, same for critics , everything is welcome...

4 Replies

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  • I'm sorry you don't feel supported by your family. Do you have anyone else who you could talk to? It's good to vent on here-helps to get it off your chest! We all understand what you're going through. Is your boyfriend still affectionate in other ways? If not you could speak to him? There's no cure for endometriosis so if he's not being supportive that's not good for you. I hope your baby survives, when is he/she due?xx

  • My baby is due in end July but since I wrote the post I have been bleeding fresh blood similar to miscarriage so I am so upset.

    About my boyfriend I accepted him as being a close person, my dad is the same. He seems to be getting answers to everything by sitting in front the computers. Maybe just lately I felt I needed more support... He has changed,we all have changed in the past years I just think he and my family as well just can't keep up. I can't blame them ...

    That is why I write here, I know someone somewhere will hear me... It is better than nothing.

    Thank you for your kind words.

  • I would advise seeing someone to talk to and seeing your doctor again if you're still bleeding. I hope you get the help you deserve. Follow my blog if you like angelpiesite.wordpress.com or on Twitter @angel_pie84 x

  • Good luck with your pregnancy, and I think we all have issue with people around us, even if they are supportive, it's hard for them to understande as we are up and down like yoyo, s

    I think asking them to read things that we find online can help them understand that we with Endo all suffer similar issues and it makes our symtoms more real to them

    Also make sure you hubby to be goes along to your appointments, so he can hear what your docs saying,

    A gain good luck, take it easy.

    X

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