this is new to me so not sure how to approach it 🥺

[Za_i]

hi guys,

I have been using healthunlocked and it's lovely community in support of me stopping smoking & vaping.. which I have succeeded with 7 months + and counting 💪🏻

A year ago ( on yhe 22nd of March to be exact) I lost my best friend to cancer. He was young and fit when he was diagnosed 7 months prior. Him not having a living family anymore meant I became his primary carer.

I am not in anyway a kid ( I'm 41) but I felt I was catapulted to adulthood never have dealt with anything like that. I was spending every minute I was not working taking care of my best friend.

When he lost his battle, I was absolutely devastated. The hospice supported me with counselling and advice, which I'm so grateful for. After my friend passed, it took a long time to sort his affairs and finally get his ashes, which I and the wider group of friends scattered at his favourite beach.

The last few weeks leading to the anniversary have been extremely tough and I have been drinking way too much every night.

I exercise daily, weight lift and run, and I have a professional high stress job which I'm doing (hopefully) well. However, the evening comes and I feel like I have to numb myself from pain.

Craig was like a brother to me. We used to call each other: brother from another mother and sister from another mister.

I feel lost and I know what I'm doing is so unhealthy. I'm reading a lot and listening to a lot of podcasts on sobriety. I feel this is becoming a problem and I don't have anyone who I could speak to who would not judge me. Even my partner is making stupid remarks on me drinking but not asking why.

I would be grateful to get any advice on how to get started on the journey. I'm not drinking the volume which would cause any physical issues ( yet)

Sorry for the long post and thank you for reading 🙏🥺

[SoberDrunk1]

Sorry about your loss. It is difficult to handle death of close ones. But I want to add Alcohol actually is a depresent. It feels like it helps initially but if you are an alcoholic, you are going to gradually consume a whole lot than when you started. Its a progressive disease. This is because something happens physically once we put a drink or 2 in the body. The body and mind wants more. We call it the cravings in AA. But thats a small part of the problem. The real problem is staying stopped. The mind (obsession) keeps tricking us back into taking a drink after a gap. This is a vicious cycle people get into.

If you cant have a fixed number of drinks each day say 1/2 and you go off way over the limit,at times, then you probably wont be able to moderate forever. The next thing you want to try is to see if you can stay off liquor on your will power. For a long duration. Atleast a year. But you have to observe the state of mind you are in through the dry period. Are you restless, irritable, discontented, anxious........that will give you a clue if you are dependent over alcohol. You can visit local AA meetings and try to learn more about alcoholism. You may also read the chapter more about alcoholism at aa.org/sites/default/files/....

My daughter is a Hodgkins Lymphoma survivor. I am so glad I was sober during the time of her treatment. The fellowship and the program of AA helped me get through the difficult period.

[Jampacked]

Grief can be such a big trigger. I have a friend who lost her husband who is fighting this battle. I know its cliche to say but it really will make depression worse. You may need support with your depression as well as support to cut down or give up. Talk to GP. The sobriety podcast are great. I find them helpful. I try to keep busy a swim or a walk are good for my cravings as is reading sobriety books and podcasts. Keep going there is light after the darkness.