Sober October

[Jimbo92]

Hey all, just writing seens as it’s stoptober. Was just wondering what everyone thinks of this recent trend and whether it’s benefited anyone or if anyone’s currently trying it.

Thanks!

[SoberDrunk1]

Just prior to coming into AA, I was intervened and sent to a family counselor. She challenged me to stay sober for a month. I completed it successfuly. But exactly on the 31st day, I drank. If you really want to test yourself, you may want to set a long term goal like a year. And also its not about the drinking part, you got to see if you are comfortable the entire stretch. Are you "white knuckling" or Are you really at ease without booze? How is the relationship with others. Are you snappy? How is the road rage? For me whenever I stayed stopped the emotional upheavals where too bad. Very un-pleasant.

[fauxartist in reply to SoberDrunk1]

I guess that's why checking the ego at the door and admitting we are powerless over alcohol, and humility is important as well as in my opinion....if your have mental illness and mental injury, don't think getting sober is the only thing you have to do....come to terms with those issues with equal viger and honesty.

[Isinatra in reply to fauxartist]

Yup Yup and Yup

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

any attempt at not drinking brought me to the realization that I needed help. I chose to stop for the rest of my life on October 3, 1977. After hitting a telephone pole in the middle of the night in a blackout. I failed for the next 5 months. Then I was willing to do anything necessary to quit. Entered AA in March of 1978 and the program has worked ever since. It’s a miracle.

[HeavyFoot]

My previous experience of Dry January was to get smashed 1st February. I’d be thinking “see, I can handle it” rather than “see, I can’t handle it.”

[Jampacked]

I agree, however I am looking to do dry January for a number of reasons. I will have been moderating at safe levels for a year by then. My brother always does dry January so I have support and safe socials to get me going, I need to build my confidence. I have only managed 10 days so far. It took me nearly 5 years to gradually give up smoking but I now haven't smoked for 26 years. Maybe I am weird and yes I can hear you say what will happen in February? But it's one month at a time for me.

[Magicsack in reply to Jampacked]

Hey, I just wondered why you feel that you need to wait until January to stay sober for a month? It's great that you are able to moderate your drinking. Is it that you don't feel you have a particular issue with alcohol? I remember trying Dry Jan many years ago and I lasted 19 days, which was the longest time that I ever (at the time) I had ever stayed alcohol free. After that, all bets were off and my drinking accelerated back to high levels.For me, moderation wasn't an option and I knew that first would usually end up in blackout. Thank god life isn't like that today.

[Jampacked in reply to Magicsack]

I worked in clubs and pubs in my teens and 20s. That's when things were bad. I do have some control as in 30s 40s I have controlled my drinking but its a battle which I am fed up of fighting and thinking about. I just don't seem to be able to kick it in to touch completely. I also have a health condition that is affected by alcohol. I am better with doing things gradually and need support from dry January. I didn't know there was a stop Octoberor I might have done that 😅

[Jimbo92 in reply to Jampacked]

I’m exactly the same, mate! I can go all week without a drop of it. Friday comes, something just switches in my head and I’m compelled to go out for a ‘few’ which normally ends up being all night. I’m fed up of it too, and as you get older the after effects and the days following get worse and worse. Like I don’t even enjoy it sometimes, I just feel like I deserve those few lagers

[Jampacked in reply to Jimbo92]

Snap! I think if I can do some sober weekends it's going to help break that habit. Got to be better rewards than drinking I will compile a list. If you are doing sober October let me know how you get on.

[Magicsack in reply to Jimbo92]

I totally get you there Jim. For me, those days rolled in to another, then the next and so on. Back on it again, and then I've lost the weekend, which then rolled into days in the week. So many things suffered as a result (too many to list!). I didn't drink for the taste, I wanted the effect. I stopped eventually, but that was after a detox in hospital. So glad life isn't like that today though.

[Jimbo92 in reply to Magicsack]

just a vicious cycle, man

[Magicsack in reply to Jimbo92]

Oh yes, I agree with you there Jim. It doesn't have to be like that though... Took me a while, but I couldn't have done it alone. Wherever you are on your journey, I wish you well.

[Magicsack in reply to Jampacked]

I get what you mean about the type of jobs you did. I worked in account management, and then sales for many years and that was nothing but a drinking culture. Go to lunch, beer. After work, beer. Go to off licence before train, drink on train. Go to pub, beer. Go back to off licence after pub, beer. It was like a second job keeping up the habit lol! I worked out that I was probably drinking between 300-400 units per week! I could not live with alcohol, nor without it.Similar to you, I eventually had serious health issues relating to alcohol, and bang... rock bottom. I had to surrender and I was beat. I had to stop or be stopped due to my poor health, and have so far managed to stay sober one day at a time. I don't even eat food or touch mouthwash with alcohol in now. It used to be tough, but nowadays it doesn't bother me, although it wasn't always like that...

[Jampacked in reply to Magicsack]

Well done Magic! I wish I had been wise enough to avoid learning the hard way. Sobriety is definately the goal.

[Magicsack in reply to Jampacked]

Cheers, Jam. Honestly it can be done and if it's the hard way so be it. If you want it, then you can certainly work towards it. I dis it the hard way, but we all have our own little ways. If you are a heavy drinker, or even just daily I would not suggest you stop as that could have nasty effects. We call it relief drinking, so just have enough to calm any withdrawals, and then reduce consumption. Some people switch to a lower %vol on alcohol, drink water in between or even non alcoholic beer.There will be a drug and alcohol service close to you, and it might be worth just having a chat to them, and self refer - GP don't need to refer you.

[fauxartist]

I live sober every day...

[Isinatra in reply to fauxartist]

Sobriety IS living. Alcohol is death to me…emotionally and physically.

[fauxartist in reply to Isinatra]

My doctor told me I was committing slow suicide if I continued drinking. He said I was allergic to alcohol, as it made me very sick on very little, but I would choose to drink anyway. He said it because I was as alcoholic, I needed help now, or I probably wouldn't be around in the next 5-10 years. So it was a life or death choice for me.

[Isinatra in reply to fauxartist]

Sometimes facing death will sober a person up and sometimes not. You’re a lucky one. You still had presence of mind to be able to make that decision to stop. Some people, as you know, can’t get beyond that capability to stop. I knew, after I pretty much lost everything, the next step would either be a slow death or I’d wish I would die. The fear of that next step sobered me up. Death…physically or mentally is the same to me.

[fauxartist in reply to Isinatra]

I agree....when I lost all hope...and gave up on life after loosing everything and everyone that mattered to me....and this all actually happened with 23 years of sobriety. I got ill, divorced, forced to sell home and everything I worked so hard for...I couldn't see the point of it all....especially when this all happened in the beginning ,which is what started me on the road to sobriety and got me sober in the first place.

Sobriety isn't the magic unicorn that solves all our problems in life. But I couldn't have gotten through it drunk....or I wouldn't be writing this now obviously. Life is messy, and people can be unkind in any circumstances. But it's up to us in the end....Hope is what got me here today, and keeps me here now. I can't drink, or do drugs...and in a way it's a gift, in many ways it is....because now I've discovered who I am, and my brain isn't so addled that after lots of therapy and learning to like me...my creative little kid is now free to see and explore.

[Isinatra in reply to fauxartist]

Creative kid free to see explore……I’ve heard so many times in sobriety that we stop growing when we take that first drink. I lived that stagnation throughout my drinking years. Sometimes only the necessary things got through to me and even the basics weren’t much. I was told since I started drinking at 16, that my level of maturity stayed at 16 until the day I sobered up. I never could fully accept that one, but I definitely understood what it meant. I lost the ability to explore and grow to my fullest capacity.. even though I wasn’t under general anesthesia every moment of the day. That part happened near the end of my drinking and my second chance at life…sobriety. I used to say I was a high functioning alcoholic, but I’ve come to my truth. How functioning was I really and how much better could I have functioned without drinking.

[fauxartist in reply to Isinatra]

I won't lie....the 60's and 70's were a lot of fun in the art studios and clubs....but like you said , if we are honest with ourselves...I at the same time suffered terrible depression and abandonment issues and didn't have very many filters....and much of it in the end was just a haze and a blur of drugs and drink.... I bottomed out in the early 80's and started AA and ACoA. , along with therapy. I just hope for the younger people here considering sobriety....I hope you find your peace and hope.... I won't preach or tell you about 'Demon' alcohol or the 'Evil' of drugs...you'll have to come to your own conclusions, or it doesn't stick, and make your own choice.... I will tell you.... I can't have regrets, they are toxic for me, but it would have been nice to have found sobriety sooner.

[Isinatra in reply to fauxartist]

My biggest resentment when I sobered up was how much time alcohol robbed from me. Time that I could have appreciated the life that was given to me even though I had mental health issues as well. So many years gone without proper treatment. Now, I look at that person as an old friend that did the best it could at that time, but was given a second chance. Gratefulness replaced resentment and regret. Indeed, they’re toxic.

[fauxartist in reply to Isinatra]

I love that analogy.....and it gives me peace to think of it that way...thank you

[Hewligan]

For me, targets are not helpful as they up the ante by creating an artificial state of failure. It reminds me of characterising the treatment of severe illness as a 'battle' that you can 'lose'.

I have enough to deal with without adding artificial stress about failing or losing. This goes doubly for announcing stuff to try to lock it in: adding 'failing' in public and 'letting people down'; even provoking will-sapping disbelief if others' reaction is that you're crying wolf.

ymmv...

[Jimbo92 in reply to Hewligan]

Yeah, good point. Think it’s definitely more helpful for people with l possible developing problems rather than someone who’s already there. In my opinion the increased awareness is better than non, even if it is a target based gimmick

I’m glad society is becoming more aware of the dangers and effects of alcohol. Both my parents perished from the battle you speak of, so I’ve seen the demon at hand. The money raised from these sober months and the increased awareness is a positive for me.

[Isinatra in reply to Hewligan]

My take on the crying wolf thing is that that attitude usually comes from civilians…non alcoholics or people who haven’t been in a recovery program. When a person in my recovery program fell off the wagon, no matter how many times, was welcomed back with hugs , “glad you’re back” , “keep coming back” and given a 24 hour chip. For if it was otherwise, the person who was trying would more than likely quit trying. The “miracle” would never happen. I feel trying to live up to civilians expectations in the first place is too much pressure and that’s where the support of a recovery group steps in. It gives you the strength to keep on keeping on when someone says or gives you that attitude of “Oh, no. Not again.” Or “I’ve heard that before”. Sure, at first I was embarrassed to get up and get that 24 hour chip again, but I got over it because of the support I received. I wasn’t a failure unless I didn’t go to the rooms to get that chip.

Setting commitments or goal dates can set a person up for failure. Then they drink because of it. Some people set a goal knowing they won’t meet it just so they can drink over it. The addiction plays the game. It’s in control. I’m agreeing with you, Hewligan. One day at a time is the better option. Less pressure and more energy to fight the addiction.

[fauxartist in reply to Hewligan]

For myself, Instead of setting yourself up for failure....just take action when it comes to you. Goals are myths that we use as generalized directional ideas, they are not written in stone. I always enjoy the side trips along the way going in a direction, but if I change direction along the way....that's okay too. It's always anyone's own choice ultimately what they want to do with their life...sure we have obligations , blah blah blah....but when something isn't working,....change it. Living life in a purple haze and blackout's wasn't working for me....so I chose sobriety...it took a few tries and slips along the way, but eventually I am here for today....where I want to be.