need to share and get support from people who feel like me

I wake up in the morning, and I say to myself, I’m not drinking tonight. By the evening, I say to myself, one won’t hurt, but I always have two. I wake up in the morning, and the cycle repeats itself 🙁

[kenster1]

hi thanks for sharing sharing is a big step in the right direction have you been speaking to anyone closer to home for help also.

[Hidden in reply to kenster1]

I have spoken to people close, but my behaviour doesn’t change. I feel now, speaking to strangers who are going through the same as me may help

[kenster1 in reply to Hidden]

yes a lot of people are like that probably why we have these forums it is more comfortable for some.

[Hidden]

True, and unless you are going through it, you don’t know what it’s like

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

Oh Lollypop, you hit me between the eyes. Before I got sober, that’s exactly the place I was in. It was hell on earth. I didn’t want to drink, but kept getting “struck drunk” without my permission!

I would get up in the morning, after drinking the night before, and tell myself I wasn’t going to drink that day. By 4 o’clock I definitely had convinced myself that it was okay to have one. Even knowing that I never only had one in my life.

And the cycle continued. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror I was so disgusted with my lack of willpower.

Once I accepted the idea that I had a disease, I asked for help. Which was something I never did. But I was desperate.

I’m so glad you’re here. Please keep coming back and share some more. I need to hear what you have to say.

[Hidden]

thank you, I need help to get out of the cycle, I feel so angry with myself, because I know I’m better than that, but I just do it again

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

I have a disease called alcoholism. It’s a real illness. Once I start drinking, I can’t just stop. If I were to pick up a drink today, I’d eventually be off to the races.

But then the other part of the disease is the cunning, baffling, powerful part. Left to my own devices, without treatment, I have to pick up that next drink. No amount of will power can keep me from it.

There are a number of different routes to travel for treatment. But I was fortunate enough to stumble (run screaming) into Alcoholics Anonymous.

It changed my life.

[Hidden]

I agree with don’t get it in, availability, unfortunately my husband and I love wine, and he belongs to wine clubs that deliver. I have to reset my mind, but have failed so many times

[SoberDrunk1]

The book calls it the "peculiar mental" twist. Just prior to taking the drink. I can totally relate to what you said. I will wake monday morning with a huge hang-over and decide to give myself a week of break. But few days sometimes same day I will drink again. I will say to myself I will do it tomorrow or something silly excuse. Usually something happen to our emotions, we cant handle it, they call it untreated alcoholism or spiritual malady. So in AA we recommend looking at the spiritual malady. When we overcome the spiritual malady we straighten up mentally and phyiscally. Not that we can safely drink, the urge to drink goes away.

[Hidden]

Yep, I was getting to this point as well. Decided recently I will take 3 days off drink per week. It hit me last Monday that I was relieved it was my day off drinking. I realised it had just become another thing I felt I HAD to do. How weird is that! That was quite an epiphany. When you are addicted, drinking becomes a chore.

My friend who attends AA says she learnt this: when you get a craving, play the tape forward. That first drink is nice but keep playing the tape till the morning after. Hardly seems worth it does it. I always remember her saying this!

[Murphy81]

I was like that for a year and got to we’re was planning my life around beer till 5 weeks was so worried run out spent alot of money bro get some delivered scared would run out

Next day said need to sort this out so pledged 4 night drink free is hard put just don’t stock it in and plan nights drink like watching football or going for a meal and enjoy the drinks better

The first week was hard put feel a lot fitter and wake up fresh which this would sound crazy I thought when was drinking everyday I was waking up fresh I was not just did not realise cos was in the cycle

Hope this helps and all the best sure will get there

[Hidden in reply to Murphy81]

That's just it! You don't realise you're in this cycle, it draws you in then you have a moment where you think what the hell am I doing! It is such an addictive drug. Yes the first week was hard because you question everything. You question your habits and behaviour - I found that really uncomfortable!

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

The changes are really uncomfortable. But worth it.