I need to stop drinking

[Crochetchica]

I haven woken up after drinking too much wine. I looked in the mirror and I have a black eye and I can’t remember doing it. This is the lowest I’ve ever been and I need to stop drinking. I’m so ashamed of myself.

[patez]

Don't be ashamed. I suffer with alcoholism and I also don't remember where the bruises come from. It is something that has destroyed my life.

I have been to the psychiatrist and AA, which hasn't helped.

But I will tell you something.

I saw a new psychiatrist yesterday, and explained all my physical and mental health issues.

I had been prescribed clonazepam and diazepam, in various doses, but I have just been prescribed lorazepam, which is both calming and a little bit more alcoholism tolerant.

Just a suggestion, but I have found a new lease on life on lorazepam.

I am not condoling lorazepam, because I am not a medical expert, but I do understand what you are going through.

Really, my heart goes out to you.

It is not easy.

Stopping drinking is not as easy as a lot of people say.

I don't know where in the world you are, but I can tell you that I am in Thailand, where there is almost zero support for alcoholism and anxiety.

I will suggest that you seek help with what, from what you have said, is an anxiety problem.

My heart goes out to you, and you are very brave to open up on here.

[Crochetchica in reply to patez]

Thank you. I’m having counselling and I’m on antidepressants. Have a good day.

[patez in reply to Crochetchica]

You are lucky to have access to counselling. I am not sure, from my experience if antidepressants are the way forward, depending on what you have been diagnosed with and which antidepressants you have been prescribed.

Believe me, I have tried both diazepam and clonazepam and various other medication, but very recently been prescribed lorazepam, which has worked wonders.

But everyone's body reacts differently.

It has taken me over 10 years of taking nearly every ssri and snri available, to finally find an anxiety medication that is actually helping!

It is a very long and rocky road ahead.

I do wish you all the best, from the bottom of heart, that you make a speedy recovery.

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

Wanting and needing to stop drinking are often two different things. I needed to stop much earlier than when I got to the point that I wanted to. If that makes any sense. But it was a major step once I decided I was never going to drink again - for the rest of my life. It took six months of absolute torture before I was given the moment of clarity that left to my own devices, I had to drink.

I remember one morning I woke up and had gauged a part of my nose with a fingernail. While in a blackout. I still have the scar.

Once I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable, I was willing to do anything to get and stay sober.

I went the AA route and treat my alcoholism every day.

You’re not alone. We’re here for you

[patez in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

AA is not the route for me to take, because I am agnostic.

I went to them for help and was only told that AA was only for people who believed in God and that prayer was the only route, following the 12 steps.

I am not going to belittle AA, but faith is their basis for beating alcoholism.

And I could quote the NHS advice for people who don't want to permanently stop drinking. Total abstinence does not suit everyone. Reducing alcohol intake, with appropriate support and medication, is recommended for some people, who have mental health issues.

Alcohol addiction or abuse needs a tailored approach.

Total abstinence is not suitable for everyone!

And extremely dangerous or fatal to do it alone.

I want to cut back, because my alcoholism has ruined my life, but I can't just suddenly stop drinking.

In case anyone is wondering, I now live in Thailand. I contacted the NHS for immediate support for my anxiety and alcohol abuse, and I was placed on a 12 month waiting list!!

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to patez]

There are lot of atheist and agnostics who have worked the 12 steps of AA and overcome the obsession to drink and have maintained a sober life over a signitificant amount of time. They were willing to change, have a different perspective upon life. Before even venturing, try to understand the first step of AA. You may then have a different idea whether you want to do this or not. If you are an alcoholic, your mind will trick you back into taking that first drink. Over and over again. We stand a very little chance on recovering.

[patez in reply to SoberDrunk1]

I contacted AA here in Thailand, and the very 1st thing they told me was that I have to believe in God, because only prayer will help me!

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to patez]

If you have time you can read the chapter "More about alcoholism" of the book AA and see you can relate. The on-line version of the book is absolutely free: aa.org/sites/default/files/.... There are also great workshops recorded and uploaded you can listen to those and get an idea of the 12 steps. Let me know if you are interested I can point them out.

[patez in reply to SoberDrunk1]

Yes I read that link. And I will quote.

"Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual

principles would solve all my problems."

That is exactly what AA here in Thailand told me.

I have to believe in God if I want help from AA.

And even the NHS in the UK do not really condone AA. Yes there is a very short link, with telephone numbers that don't even work, and no mention of any meetings.

And the local meetings here in Thailand are very ambiguous to say the least!

Mostly at about 9am once a week, at various locations. I tried to attend 1 meeting, only to find that it is actually a children's school and looks a bit like a motorbike rental shop?

Not exactly what I had expected from AA!

I tried to paste the Google page and profile, but it didn't work.

9 Alley, Pattaya City, Bang Lamung District, Chon Buri 20150, Thailand

Maybe you can Google it.

In conclusion, AA relies on religion. That is stated in all your quotes, and directly from the local AA agent.

I do appreciate your incite, but I am agnostic and AA cannot help me.

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to patez]

To be spiritual we dont have to be religious. As i mentioned in another post, there is We Agnostics chapter written exactly for people like us. They talk about how we can have our own conceptions. Bill W struggled with the god concept, but he was open to the Spirit of the Universe, Creative intelligence.......Please read that chapter also.

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to patez]

If prayer is the only solution, we wont need the 12 steps. There is lot of ignorance around AA. People have seperated theselves from the basic text, Alcoholics Anonymous. Thats were the confusion. Bill W the co-founder was an agnostic and Dr. Bob the other co-founder was deep into religion. Both couldn't stay sober. Only after they both applied the 12 steps they sobered up. There is another chapter Bill wrote called "We agnostics" to help people understand the concept of a higher power. You can read that too.

[Crochetchica in reply to SoberDrunk1]

That’s really interesting. Thanks.

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to Crochetchica]

tinyurl.com/firststepAA; Please take a look at the material in this link. The material is extract of key concepts to illustrate the un-manageability. How if we dont take take care of it, leads us back into powerlessness. Also some great audio at the bottom of the link.

[patez in reply to SoberDrunk1]

I do read your replies, but can you explain in simple terms what this mysterious "higher power" is?

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to patez]

When I started this journey, the people talked about the inner voice. Conciousness. The voice guides us when we do something. It warns us but we do it anyways. The same voice comes back and says didn't i say so. This enate intelligence is all i started with. Later on after I started clearing the debris (Fear, resentments and relationship issues), I had a better understanding of this power. Eckhart Tolle talks about stepping out of our house in the evening and looking at the sky and looking at it in awe! There is lot of creative intelligence around. We just dont pause and realize the beauty. Dont get blocked by the concept. Read the chapter on alcoholism. See what the protaganist do. They keep going back booze over and over. Understand the poewlessness and un-manageability and then perhaps read Bills Story and see how he struggled with it when his freind Ebby came to visit him and told how he got sober.

[Crochetchica in reply to SoberDrunk1]

Really interesting. I listen to Eckhart Tolle’s podcasts if I can’t sleep.

[patez in reply to SoberDrunk1]

I will reply. I came out of hospital 2 days ago, suspected of being alcoholism, which turned out to actually be potassium deficiency.

It was fuelled by a slight alcohol consumption, but I have to take diuretics, which led to severe potassium deficiency.

I do struggle with anxiety disorder, which doesn't help much , but my local psychologist has now changed my medication.

I don't believe that AA can help me with multiple health issues.

Yes I drink. Do I drink in excess?

That is subjective congeesture.

I was made to believe that alcoholism was my problem, but hospital blood test results suggests otherwise.

No significant sign of alcohol abuse. Liver function tests have been slightly elevated, but no chirossis. Kidney function tests have been fine.

Am I really an alcoholic?

I know that you will say I am in denial, but if my liver and kidney function tests are OK, how can I be an alcoholic?

Anyway, our discussion is over.

I will see what the doctor says in 3 days time.

I was very hypokalaemic which actually mimics the symptoms of alcoholism.

But I still thank you for your insights into alcoholism.

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to patez]

Stop drinking then. See if you can stay stopped on your own.

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to SoberDrunk1]

You dont have to loose your kidney and liver to be an alcoholic. Many work towards it. We call it the YETs in AA.

[Isinatra in reply to patez]

I’m an atheist, AA worked for me and it saved my life. It’s only a religious program if you choose it to be. Spiritualism can be either religious or not. That’s also your choice. If an AA group or advisor is giving you the ultimatum that it’s a religious program only, then find another group or advisor. There’s a reason it’s been helping people with alcoholism and has existed for almost 100 years.. Good luck in your journey 🙏

[Crochetchica]

AA is not for me either. I took a photo of my black eye and when I want a drink, I’m going to look at it as it frightened the life out of me. You’re very lucky to be in Thailand.

[DicCarlson]

Great resources here: ainyf.com/

[Crochetchica in reply to DicCarlson]

Thanks

[patez]

Well things just went from bad to worse.

I had an ex girlfriend, who remained as friends and helped me out when needed.

But then something very strange happened.

She suddenly started coming to my room and went to sleep, without saying a word.

I had already had a bad experience with her and had called the thai police twice, and she was told never to come back to the condo.

But last night I was forced to call the police again.

They threw her out.

All this doesn't help me with my attempt to get to grips with both my anxiety and alcoholism.

Today I am not doing very well.

I feel so sad.

Sorry, but I can't type anymore because I am crying too much.

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

There’s been so much talk in this thread about God and AA. The line that is important to me is “…God, as I understand him.” AA is not demanding I believe anything. The 12 Steps are just suggestions. They do suggest that I come to believe that I’m not the ultimate power in the Universe. For me that’s a must. My self centered importance and arrogance gets and keeps me drinking and insane. So in that regard, maybe it is too much for some people to handle.

[Orangeskys]

I hope you are feeling better today? 😊

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to Orangeskys]

And how are you today?

[Orangeskys in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

hi, not too good , really trying hard to not think of wine! I used your technique of concentrating on item in front of me , so cleaned the kitchen cupboards 😊

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to Orangeskys]

Good choice. Whatever I’m doing, it’s a great accomplishment to not have a drink in my hand. Just for the day.

[Crochetchica in reply to Orangeskys]

Much better thanks

[Crochetchica]

Much better thanks. Hope you’re ok

[Orangeskys in reply to Crochetchica]

Not too bad , finding it really hard at moment. Decided to clean my kitchen cupboards out to take my mind off wine! And I found a small empty bottle of Rioja 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ . Xx

[Crochetchica]

Oh no!!! I love crafting so I’m sorting out my wool stash which has taken over the house. I’ve replaced wine with chocolate and trying not to go to the shops for a jumbo bag of maltesers!! xx

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to Crochetchica]

I’ve been trying to get rid of my crafting stuff forever. Are you sure you don’t want more?

[Orangeskys]

I don’t like chocolate! But there is a large piece of lancashire cheese in the fridge 😬😬