Heavy Drinker

[Me37]

Hello, first post. I'm a 36 year old female and have been drinking heavily for years...from around the age of maybe 25..I can drink 2 bottles of wine on a night. I don't drink every day but can definitely drink 3/4 times a week. I feel guilty and tired the next day, I'm so concerned for my health. I just want to find a way of reducing it right down to just maybe when I go out rather than drinking at home on my own..my husband doesn't do it and he seems to be getting more and more concerned for me..understandably. Any advice or support is appreciated x

[Me37]

Thank you for your reply. I have stopped before for say dry January or obviously when I was pregnant both times. It seems to just be a terrible habit of me thinking it's relax time for me and that's what I need to help with it..maybe boredom on occasions too. I can't seem to just have a drink...I have to get drunk! I'm going to give my body a rest 100% I need to find something else to fill my time rather than booze! X

[Gingerwine in reply to Me37]

I'm in exactly the same boat. Most days its only the thought of opening a bottle of wine that helps me get through. I have tried switching to Friday to Sunday only but I'm miserable Mon to Thurs cos I can't have my "reward". I drink non alcoholic beers on the days I manage not to drink but I miss the warm fuzziness I get from wine . I wish I could get that feeling from something else but I've not found anything else.

[Me37 in reply to Gingerwine]

Ah bless you. I can't say I'm miserable if I don't drink unless I was on a night out and the only one not drinking. But I do have that feeling of missing the fuzzy/buzz feeling and being a lot more relaxed. If I make it until Saturday then I will feel its more of a reward to have some. I know there's so much more to life than planning when I can drink..I just need to find it! Xx

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to Gingerwine]

You can find that peace and comfort working the 12 steps of AA. Men and women drinking for the effect produced by alcohol. And when we dont drink, we feel miserable. I tried the Beer only experiment on Fridays. But I will be so miserable and always focused on the following Friday. I promised to drink 1 beer (😀) but i will pick up few small cans for the road and a big 32/45 ounce bottle for home. But slowly it spilled back to Saturday and Sunday.............What got me in was those high gravity beers they introduced in Georgia. I switched. I used to down 4/5 pints of those steel reserve beers in just few hours.

[Dolphin14]

Hi

I'm on this site because my brother is an alcoholic. I don't speak much but I do read. I'm not an expert on the subject by any means but I can tell you what I witness.

My brother always said " I'm not drinking a lot" His perspective of " a lot" is so different from mine. Drinking a 12 pack of beer in the eve was considered casual drinking to him. That was way back in his life. Volume has increased over the years and he is now on hard liquor. He's in his 60's.

You bring up your health as a concern. There are so many health concerns with alcohol. @Twinklystar brings up some.

Liver disease, electrical conduction issues in the heart, weakened heart muscles, build up of toxins in the body, memory issues , blackouts and many more.

I hope you can do what is needed to protect your physical and mental well-being from the effects of alcohol.

Again, I have no background to help you with your drinking. There are many wise people here to speak to that. I do not drink.

I am a nurse. I can tell you I have seen many patients with medical issues from alcoholism.

As a family member of an alcoholic I can also say it destroys families.

I wish you the best

🐬

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to Dolphin14]

Hello Dolphon14, Al-Anon is a fellowship created for family/friends of alcoholics drug addicts. You may look into it.

[Dolphin14 in reply to SoberDrunk1]

Thank you

🐬

[Me37]

Thank you for your reply. I think these are the sorts of responses I need to really drill it in to me that I have an issue and just because I can go several days not having any alcohol I would still be considered an alcoholic. I'm sorry to learn about your brother and as you say it destroys families.. my husband and I have fallen out more times than I care to think about over me drinking, especially when at home alone. X

[Dolphin14 in reply to Me37]

I was nervous I may have said too much. I appreciate you for taking a look from my end.

I will tell you that a couple members here have taught me so much about alcoholism and the alcoholic personality. They are so very knowledgeable because they have walked in my brothers shoes.

Something that sticks in my head is that despite my fear that he will never be able to stop, these two women have taught me there is always hope.

Thank you again and I wish you the best.

[Wish3 in reply to Me37]

I totally understand you ! My problem is not starting drinking but knowing when to stop ! One bottle too easily becomes two 🤦‍♀️ then it’s the guilt & the slovenly mornings !

I am only drinking weekends atm and enjoy my weeks much better . Mondays are hardest but once it’s over then I’m ok for the rest of the week ! I look forward to. G&T on Friday instead of wine as I can drink slower & fill more tonic ! I do have wine on Saturday & Sunday 🤷‍♀️ but drink slower buy more expensive wine & appreciate it more ?

Don’t feel too guilty! X

[Me37 in reply to Wish3]

Thank you. Yesterday I set myself a target to only drink Saturday night this week as a friend is coming over which was pretty planned. Then there seems more of a valid reason to actually have a sociable drink. Xx

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to Me37]

There stories in the chapter “more about alcoholism” in the book AA, to illustrate the state of mind of the alcoholics that precedes every relapse. The man of 30 stays sober for 25 years and assumes his long abstinence from alcohol qualifies him to drink like other people and starts to drink but soon dies. The car salesman relapses thinking that taking whiskey on a full stomach won’t hurt. Fred the accountant relapses thinking that he will just drink a couple that’s it! The book Calls it the peculiar mental twist/blank spots that hits an alcoholic just prior to the 1st drink. They take that drink but something happens bodily and mentally and they continue to drink more than they originally intended too.

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

I was once in your shoes. First I tried controlled drinking and found out that didn’t work. When I start drinking I can’t stop. Then when I decided to stop totally I discovered I had to drink whether I wanted to or not.

It took two years sober before my liver count was in normal range. And my health improved as well

I got help from Alcoholics Anonymous. But I fought that because I knew enough about the program to know I would be expected to stop. And I couldn’t imagine life without alcohol.

Alcoholism is a disease. And I have it. But you would need to decide that for yourself. So keep trying to deal with it on your own until you’re ready to surrender. Hopefully the prices you will pay won’t be too costly.

I lost the ability to have any good relationships with people. I wasn’t a good mother. Or the best employee. Or the daughter I should have been.

If you’d be interested in attending a Zoom AA meeting, just send me a private message and I’ll give you the information.

Good luck.

[Me37]

Thank you for the reply. May I ask how old you are and at what age you started and stopped? It seems some people just don't have the same relationship and can take it or leave it..my mum told me she used to drink a lot when we were kids and then into her mid 40s just went right off it and now it's rare she will have even a glass of wine. I may take you up on that offer x

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to Me37]

I started drinking at 15. And drank until I was 28. I was a blackout drinker. And drank in bars, fire houses, and at home. I’m 73 now. And yes. If I last a day at a time until March 7th, I’ll have 45 years. The program of AA works.

I say if I last a day at a time, because that’s how I live. I get a daily reprieve based upon my spiritual condition. Don’t let either my time or the word spiritual scare you.

There is help available. Hope to hear from you. I’ll gladly share my experience strength and hope.

And no I wasn’t able to drink socially. Ever. People who leave a half a drink amaze me. Or the ones who let the ice melt before they finished their drink, too.

[Me37]

That's amazing well done! Thank you for sharing and for your private message x

[Dolphin14]

100% true.

I want to clarify my reply as I was hoping I wouldn't upset anyone.

I just want to be sure that by discussing my brother or what I've seen medically that I am not coming across saying anyone that drinks is going to have problems.

It was not my intent.

❤️🐬

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to Dolphin14]

There are alcoholics on this forum. Some are sober and some are not. And some interested parties who also have rights to voice their opinions. It takes all kinds. I have faith that if someone needs help, they will hear what they need to hear.

[Dolphin14 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thank you lily. Like I said I can only speak from my side.

I'm glad you are here helping others

❤️🐬

[Dolphin14]

I do know my brother has used alcohol to self medicate. We grew up in a dysfunctional home. That's how he chose to numb his pain. As time went on he needed more and more. He was a highly functional hard working man. This is no longer true

Stay well for your mam and pixiebob

❤️🐬

[Me37]

Sharing your stories will definitely help some of us ..thank you..I wish you all well..I'm hoping something will just 1 day click for me and I'll realise I don't need it in the way I think I do x

[Dougal77]

Hi,

I personally think having a long break from drinking is a good way of resetting.

Once you have done that you can slowly reintroduce it into just drinking on social occasions.

[SoberDrunk1]

Unfortunately some of us belong to a minority of people who cannot moderate. There is a short video about Alcoholic Vervet Monkies by BBC its on youtube. The percentage of alcoholics/normal drinkers/teetotalers among vervet monkeys were very comparable to what we find in Human beings. Its all in the gene. I belong to that gene pool. I sobered up using the 12 steps of AA. Any questions on AA, let me know, I will be able to point you in the right direction.

[Hidden]

I know I use to drink heavily back in the day. I slowly weaned myself off the alcohol because of the grandkids being younger and didn't want them to see me like that anymore. Trying to set an example for them.I'm not sure if you have kids but they're worth the reason to quit. If you don't, maybe think of your parents or grandparents who have seen you go thru this journey of drinking I'm not sure of situation why you drink but I've felt better after I stopped.

I hope you can at least slowly quit or get to where it's a once a week drink that makes you appreciate the taste instead of the wine take control of you.

[Me37 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I do have 3 children so that's obviously part of where the guilt etc comes in...I'm thinking of them. I sometimes don't do as much as I should with them because I'm too tired. Awful. Although today was a good day, we went to soft play, had lunch, did some shopping and got the youngest a new toy, the middle one a new controller for his PlayStation and I bought some food to prepare..I really enjoy cooking so helps if I have something to get stuck into. Appreciate your reply and sharing your story x

[Wish3]

the thing we need to ask is why do we drink ? Therapist question !

[Me37 in reply to Wish3]

Personally I believe its down to the fact I was bought up around regular drinkers..no one batted an eye lid when a vodka and tonic was poured or a bottle of wine opened..regardless of what day it was..if someone fancied a drink..they'd have one..I have several relatives that still follow this same pattern..they function pretty well and are aging ok...doesn't mean to say I'll/we'll be the same x

[Smegmer]

2 Bottles is ~20units. 4 times a week is 80units. That will affect your health eventually if it hasn't already. I was pretty similar but I would be 2 or 3 times a week, I am also a bloke. Im 47 now and stopped for 2 years from 38-40. With lock downs etc I slowly got back into it, up to 30-40 units again in no time. Now I am cutting down to 1 time a week or not going any further than 1 bottle of wine. Started gym and feeling better already. Hopefully down to 0 times a week soon.

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador in reply to Smegmer]

Glad you’re here. It helps to be accountable to someone. Keep us posted on your progress.