Carer of Stroke Victim: Hello, I, or... - Different Strokes

Different Strokes

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Carer of Stroke Victim

charleanna profile image

Hello, I, or really, we are new on here too. My husband had his stroke last October and we are still learning who he is now. It didnt just affect him. It affected me too and our family. It has affected his left side and memory, balance, swallow etc etc. However, he has never, not been positive about his condition. I wouldnt have been so positive if it had happened to me. In fact I have fallen apart several times about they way this has affected us and our life together. This is a dreadful thing to happen to anyone. Its so sudden. Your life is one way, one moment and the next, everything you knew has changed. We have been married 42 years, and I would have said that I knew all the things he would like. What to eat, what to watch on tv, what to wear. But not anymore. His tastes have changed in lots of ways. However, and unfortunately, his sense of humour is much the same, lol. But he is getting there. We have private physio sessions and have joined a gym for disabled. Our friends, family, daughters and grandchildren are supporting and do all they can to help. And slowly, slowly we are getting there together.

24 Replies


Welcome to the site, I do hope that we can all help you ????

I had my Stroke in 1998 at the age off 32.

My Stroke effected my Left hand side as well.

My health has deteriorated further over the past few years.

Please let me know if I can help you????


I fully understand what you mean it,s very difficult I was driving a car,looking after my grandchildren ,and 12 months after I after I retired I had my stroke !It left me unable to walk ,speak,eat,so I worked hard to recover these things !Good luck ,my family have supported me all the way .

Steve49 profile image
Steve49 in reply to woodycat3


Yes that's the way to be.

It's like anything in life the more you do the more that you get.

Please let me know if I can help ???


Well done #charleanna a lot of friends and partners find it too hard and give up on us. My wife died of cancer about 9 months before the stroke but I haven't the tiniest doubt that she would be right by my side if she could possibly have been. How hard to have the additional stress of knowing that you have to cope alone because your one and only "'til death us do part" has chosen the addendum of "until the burden of you really needing me gets too much" I miss you so much, my Nicky :-(

2stroke profile image
2stroke in reply to 6regor

I sympathise with you, 6regor.

married 47 years and 10 days.when my wife passed on with terminal cancer,

3 months later Ihad my first stroke.after a t.i.a.

Now finding it hard going,as the get up and go,has got up and gone.(whoooooosh.

home alone and regreting it.

best of luck,butty.

I had two strokes, a week apart, just a year ago. I am a widow living alone - and after the family had gone I had to cope on my own. It was so hard but now, I'm walking better, the hand is getting there - but the brain I'm not sure of. My point is take it slowly, day by day, and you will be surprised at what you can achieve. Don't let it get you down.

Hi Charleena, my goodness reading your message was like reading my position . We have been married 42 years and my husband is exactly the same position , his whole outlook has altered, food, people and no longer any humour. Unfortunately he has taken the path of not wanting mine or family's help. Will not join any club or association, I so wish he would. I like you mourn the man I had and wish I could have him back but at least your husband is trying to adjust mine is just on the road to total depression and remorse. I wish you and your husband and family well and hope one day mine will try to adjust and move on.

charleanna profile image
charleanna in reply to Hell_

His sense of humour is actually very good. He makes me laugh at our situation. But we were both quite depressed at one time. We asked for some concelling help which really made a difference. The biggest difference though, has been him making progress. He works very hard on his exercises and it is paying off. He becomes better every week. Also knowing that neuro plasticity never ends and neuro Genesis is possible gives me great hope for the future.

19191919 profile image
19191919 in reply to Hell_

not sure which side was affected but my left sided gave me severe depression maybe it affects him this way too. Good luck and take care x

2stroke profile image
2stroke in reply to Hell_

Seems like sometimes the greatest of love you have for some-one,it seems easier

to push them away,so if worse happens ,its not so heartbreaking to take.(silly really,as its never easy) whoever it is..

best of wishes to you and hubby.

hope it helps,sorry if it doesnt.

Hi there, my hubby had a stroke nearly three years ago now, and I know exactly what you are going through. Its not just the physical problems there are changes in almost every part of him. He can't chew as well as the chewing muscles in his face were affected by the stroke, his sense of time as well, even his sight. There is nothing an optician can do, as its not their eyes that are the problem, its his brains refusing to see what his eyes are looking at. His physical changes can improve with exercise and yet there could be a constant weakness in the left side, and then there is his blood pressure. Also, the meds he is given will make his blood thinner and he will probably feel the cold more, it might be in just the left hand, arm or leg, but if there is no change there, count your blessings! My hubby had to wear a thermal glove on his left hand all the time! Things will improve over time, but the brain takes a long time to re-route the synapses that were damaged during the stroke. Good luck and I hope he recovers well.

Yes my husband feels the cold now too. He used to just walk around outside in the winter in a tshirt. But now needs a blanket over him. Even in this hot weather. It is strange what this brain damage takes and what it leaves. We have physio twice a week at home and go to the gym twice a week too. Anything to push his brain into using those muscles again. There are interesting articles about not just neuro plasticity but also neuro genesis. We work hard and it gives us hope. I think that's the best thing you can have. Hope that life will get better x

Wittycjt profile image
Wittycjt in reply to charleanna

Could be the warfarin causing him to be more cold

i had one 4 years go less pronounced effects it was left brain so right side my sister had right brain left side which i worse than mine. its horrible it left me angry and snappy and i got very depresssed i lurch around some days and it is a problems. also drop things and cut and burn myself trying to cook. these are not serious compared to a lot of people. I hope he gets better, i did improve over time but left with stuff. take care xxx

charleanna profile image
charleanna in reply to 19191919

Sounds like you are one brave person who is pushing the barriers. Keep pushing. Ask for help. See if there is an MS gym near you. They really help with mobility and stamina. Lots of specialist machines to help you help yourself There is no stopping point for improvement. They used to think there was. But now they realise you can keep making changes. Look up neuro plasticity x

Had my stroke(cerebral clot) 4 years ago. It took me 3 months in hospital to learn to walk again and although my balance is poor and sometimes it it quite a stuggle to live on my own, I pretend to be getting on quite well and people think how well i an doing. I truly wonder if its worth the effort. My AF had been getting me dow, dipite the various medication given me nothing seems to get rid of the dizzyness so the only medication I now take is apixiban, atorvistation, laproselol, and zoloiden. Cant see the point of taking meds for the af which seem to make me feel worse. Didn,t have so much as a cold before i was 56 now i am falling apart.

no friends and my faily couldn.t care less. Fed up.

Hi sorry to hear of your situation but i know exactly how you feel my situation seems exactly the same as yours and the dizziness and balance problems get me down because but thats the part of my brain that the stroke destroyed,but was told the brain can rewire itself to repair itself so dont give up .i had mine 18 months ago .

I am glad your husband is so positive that's great x

Glad to read how supportive your family are. I have beeb married for 48 yrs in July. I am looking for a gym for disabled also a group for swimming, I live in the Trafford area and my husband has been on the phone to the sports centre but no luck. Is there any chance you can help with tel numbers or people and places that could help?

Our problem is the time it took to get a diagnosis. My partner continued to work as his physical disabilities were seemingly minor. Only I knew what differences had occured. He was in denial (and still is) refusing to accept his change in personality, memory, ability to communicate successfully and behave appropriately had happened. I am disabled so this was so hard to deal with. Now he has had another stroke (LACS) brought on by stress at work he has reacted like being hit with a sledgehammer. He is 52 years old and now petrified of the future.

Good on you,charleanna.

best of wishes and luck..

brain,left and right sides. after 2 strokes.

Hi, My nephew who is in his early 40's had a heart attack. Had 5 blocked arteries. After the surgery he had a stroke and his left side mouth, arm and leg are affected. His heart and brain are ok but it seems like his body is not cooperating like he is just giving up. When they sit him in the chair his blood pressure drops and he gets very dizzy almost to a faint. Also, he has had pneumonia aspirating on his mucus. He does have a gtube where he gets fed. Not sure what to do. It is heartbreaking to see him like this. When we visit he raises his hand or shakes it hello and recognizes us but then just looks up at the ceiling. Won't even watch TV. Thought I would come here as someone may have gone through this.

Hi Charleanna,

Your husband is very lucky to have you, your family, daughters, and friends to help you guys. I had a stroke a year and a half ago. when I had my stroke my live in partner left after couple of days when doctors said I will be wheelchair bound for the rest of my life. He said doesn’t wanna be a caregiver to me. I Have a 22 year old son who’s very supportive of me.. I have 4 sisters who have their own families but none of them extended any help or support for me and my son. My friends drifted away until none is left. I call and text them but I don’t get any response. It’s very depressing for me to go through all these by myself and I’ve been crying a lot lately.

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